Loners

9:30 pm. Time to turn in for the day. Closing time’s the best. I get to go home from my exhausting 5 to 9 at the store. 

The store is full of an array of food, groceries and other stuff. I usually shop there on the weekends when I’m not working. 

I clocked out, and went to my old corvette in the parking lot. 

I saw a man there, probably getting some cigs. He looked me up and down. He looked like a bouncer, muscular and tall. He couldn’t have been much older than I.

“Sir, what are ya doing here in the parking lot? Store’s closed.”

He came closer, but his gait was stiff. As if he was holding something back. “‘Store’s closed’. He says..You can’t be serious! It’s only 9 pm.. I just wanna get some booze. “

I told him simply: “Sorry. We don’t even sell booze here, sir.”

“‘We don’t sell booze here.’ He says, you look like you could use some!”

“Maybe I do, but you still haven’t told me why you’re loitering here.”

He pointed at me. “ I’ve got my eye on you, David. You don’t even watch your surroundings or else you’d know I’ve been watching your sexy self all day!”

“Dude, I’mma go home.”I said, getting my keys in the car. 

He came closer to me. “What!? You never heard of a dude complimenting you before?”

“Nah,Seriously..I was just about to head home before you came in the picture..”

“Before you go...Do you want my name or nah?”

“Or Nah..Stalker.” 

“Fuck you then. David.” 

I went to my car and got in. I’ve never seen a man want me before. I don’t know whether to be creeped out or happy that I got some human interaction for the day. Usually nobody ever talks to me, and I’m a greeter at the store. 

Why did he even say that he was wanting booze anyway? Maybe I shoulda got his name and we could be friends, grab a drink..Maybe I’m overthinking this..

I turn the keys to the ignition and go home. 

He couldn’t have been serious about watching me? Am I really that unaware of my surroundings that he literally could be anywhere in the store and I just..Didn’t notice? Why would a man care that much anyway to even do that? That dude is freaking weird, man..

And yet..I was happy to finally be able to talk to somebody that day, however little or strange that moment really was for me.

 David...Just go to sleep. 

After some time, I decided to just go to work again, hoping I wouldn’t have to see that man again, whoever his name was. He couldn’t possibly be here, could he?

I then saw him, out of the corner of my eye. He was there, alright. He looked at me with a somber look on his face. 

“Look, I’m sorry if I scared you, I know I’m big and tall, and-”He began.

I interjected. “－Scared me!? I just wanted to go home, man. I wasn’t scared, just tired as fuck. “ 

“By the way, my name’s James. Now, we’re not strangers no more, right? Hows about we…”

“You're still a stalker, though. “

“I know, I know! But you look like you need a drink on the rocks. C’mon..my treat. I promise you I’ll stop being a creep after we just hang out for a bit. How’s ‘bout friday at 9:30, at the pub? I’ll pick you up from here.”

“Okay.”

“Really!?”

“Yes, really James. “

“Ohhh, thank you, David, Fuck, I’m too lonely for my own good. “

It was Friday, and...James came as he promised. I couldn’t believe that I was really doing this..gettin' in a car with someone and just going to a pub. I wanna feel safe with James but I am not sure just yet. He seems like he doesn’t bite. 

“So James, why are you so lonely?”

“Fuck if I know..”

“Well,” I said. “I’m pretty lonely myself..”

“But you’re a greeter! You shouldn’t feel like that..”

“Oh, but I do, really. “

“Well David, we’re just alike then, aren’t we? Do you wanna get a drink or are ya just gonna be straight edge like usual?”

“How do you-- Nevermind. I wanna stick to seltzer.”

“Okay. And I’ll take a...rum and cola.”

“You sure you can handle it, James?”

“Yeah, I know my limits. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me.”

“Yeah..um...about that. You...like-like...me..right?”

He said”You could say that...I want you to do some things to me. “ 

I sipped my seltzer slowly, almost spat it out.

“Yeah...uh..I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that. I mean..I’ve never thought about those things before with...anyone.”

He spat out his rum and cola. “You never thought about it!? C’mon never!?You haven’t lived before, David. I mean being gay is like...so much better now than it ever was before. “

Did James ask me out on a date and I didn’t even realize it until now? Fuck, I’m so stupid. I don’t even know what to say. 

“James..I don’t wanna hurt you but..I’m just..not feeling a spark. “

“Maybe I’m moving too fast for you, is that it? I could slow things down..”

“No. I just.. Don’t feel anything.”

“How come..? You are so amazing….and I’m so..me..We could be great together. ”

“That’s the thing, though...we’re not.”

Awkward Silence. I was scared he’d beat me up for saying that.I was scared that he’d do unspeakable things to me if I kept telling him how we’re not together. Maybe I should’ve humored him and pretended to like him? No..That wouldn’t be right.He needs to accept reality, no matter how much it isn’t like how he wants it to be. 

James said, “I’m fine with us being friends...I just want you to call me though, or at least send me a text. I mean, we’re both weird loners who just need company. Is that too much to ask for?”He gave me his number on a napkin. 

I sipped on my seltzer and took it, put it in my pocket. 

“Are you enjoying your seltzer,though..David? Or do you want an actual drink?”

“I’m sticking to the bubbly stuff, James. “

“...just one drink?”

“Nah, I like sober me. “

“Okay then.” 

I love being sober. I know too many people that get addicted to alcohol and I don’t want to end up like that. At least James is able to handle his liquor, and I can respect that about him. 

“James..”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not mad at me right?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“You’re safe with me, remember? We’re friends now, and that’s all I’m okay with. ”

“Okay, James.”

I told him where I live, and he took me home. 

I wondered if he was really okay with me being friends with him. I wondered if he was okay with me being...whatever sexuality I am. He could’ve hurt me, but he really didn’t. He’s such a great guy, I just hope we have a good friendship together as the days go by.