There is nothing like starting off life as a young adult in your own place hours away from everything you know.Rose Lee stood on the balcony of her new house in East LA, letting it all marinate . In two days she would start her new job as a psychologist at Thrive minds counseling and Psychology. It was everything that that she could ever dream of . She worked so hard to get to where she is now .People around her told her that the odds were against her since being raised by a single mother.Her father died when she was only 7 years old and her mother has been alone since then. Rose lee waved at the the mailman as he placed her mail in her box . She went to check it and saw that there was a letter with a different name on it . Her mother taught her to always mind her business but this letter caught her attention . It was addressed to a Caroline Harmony from Roman King. Both of their addresses were from Denver Colorado . The interesting thing was the stamped date was march 6th 1965 . Quickly she opened it then read the letter."My dearest Caroline ,this is the 8th and last letter that I will be able to write you ,I hope that you'll meet me where we first met Tuesday at 7:30pm, I miss you so much and still love you with all of my heart and everything that I am . So much has changed since we were last together . There are rumors that there is now a baby boy involved ,if this is true please don't keep it from me , please let me meet my son ,I know that we come from two different worlds but for you I'm ready to risk it all please meet me and wear a red dress so that I know it's you ,Love your one and only ,Roman.The letter almost brought her to tears . Rose Lee googled the names to see if these people were still alive .While searching she called one of her really close friend and told her about the letter . Her friend Amanda was now also invested. They both searched social media platforms to see if they could find anything . Rose lee found a Roman King that lived right across the street from her . As days passes the letter was all that she could think of . By day 5 she was working up the nerve to walk over .One day while watching TV there was a knock on the door.Rose Lee went over to answer it ,there was a really hot guy with dark hair and eye wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans . She threw her braids to the side then opened the door. " Hi, this is going to sound really dumb but have you received any mail with the name Roman King on it? Everything around her paused ." My grandfather has been writing a lady named Caroline for one year now since being diagnosis with dementia and the neighbor that used to live in your place wrote him back " . Oh my well if I come across it I will let you know " she said while about to close the door . He blocked the door with his foot . " When you find it can you please write back ? He asked . "It would mean the world to my grandfather " he said smiling .This whole thing was strange to her but because these were her neighbors. She didn't want anyone to dislike her as she just got there ."Ok ,I'll write back, I'm Rose Lee she said with a forced smile . " I know he said then turned and walked home .After he left Rose Lee starting writing a letter back. My dearest Roman , I cant wait for you to meet your daughter as she looks just like you, I will definitely meet you at our spot at 7:30 in a red dress , I cant wait to see you, Love yours always Caroline .With a pot of coffee gone , she was finally finished . In the middle of the night she placed the letter in her neighbors box . They began writing back and forth for weeks . They met yp for pinics in parks and coffee at different cafes in town . She oddly enjoyed spending her extra time writing as someone else.One day after work she headed home from work there was a box with a red bow and her name on it . Before opening she looked around . It was a red dress with a note that read meet me here at 7:30 please . There was no way she was doing this .It was going to far for people she didn't know .It was weird enough that she wrote back as someone shes not . Amanda rang her phone and talked her into going . She put on the dress that fit her perfectly then headed to the location in the letter . There was an Italian restraunt down town that had a fountain in front of it .Her vibes weren't ok as she walked in front of the fountain where they'd planned to meet . There was noone around until a man in a black trench coat started walking towards her . "You lied to me ! You told me that we had a son not a daughter !! Caroline ! He yelled ."What are you talking about ? Ok im.leaving this is very strange " she said . He took put a gun and began walking towards her faster . She called for help but noone was around
Rose lee begged for her life but he was too blind to see that she was herself and not Caroline . "Roman please , im so sorry , i..i didnt mean to hurt you " she played the game
"Well you did and it hurt me whem you became pregnant with another mans kid ! He yelled . Rose lee's eyes became big . What did she get herself into she thought ."Mom why did you have to hurt him ! He love you mom and you were to blind to see that! He yelled while pushing her towards the fountain. Her life flashed before her eye and with one last step he shot her in cold blood .Buried her in his yard with the rest and began writing another letter. One year later Roman had a new neighbor move in ,from his window he smiled . All of his letters were set and ready to go for his next victim .It takes nothing but self control to mind your business. Sometimes people learn the hard way .
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2 comments
Interesting premise. Charming at first with a twisted climax. Ended on a strong note with the last paragraph. However, the writing in between was confusing. You didn't close your quotation marks (") often and that was very jarring to read. A lot of telling where you should be showing. Piece could also be a few hundred words longer to plant in some more mystery around the premise.
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Epic plot - the plot twist was unexpected. Amazing! Nevertheless, I think there are some grammar mistakes, such as the use of "too" instead of "to" or vice versa. And some other punctuation errors too: for example, some full stops and commas are not directly placed at the end of the sentence, and there are some uncapitalized "I"s, etc. Also I would recommend that you use a more advanced vocabulary choice to give the story a more vivid touch. However, the story's plot was extraordinary and as a matter of fact, absolutely marvellous! Althoug...
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