The Reunion #Readsysecrets

The Reunion

Monday 21/10/2024

Dear Diary,

Today I received an unexpected letter! I have absolutely no idea how she found me? The adoption agency were under strict instructions not to give out any of my details if they were ever asked.

When I gave her up it was with the understanding that she wouldn’t be able to Seek me out in the future. I know that sounds harsh! but I have my reasons. 

The questions I now have to face is do I reply or leave things as they are? or should I change my own mind about a decision I made 28 years ago?

Tuesday 22/10/2024

Dear Diary,

I couldn’t sleep last night Julia’s letter kept playing on my mind. Don’t get wrong there was nothing bad in there. 

She sounded happy in her life, she is a hairdresser, engaged to Greg , a guy she had met after having twin boys Zack and Zane.

But what was keeping me awake, was the fact she had put Zane up for adoption as a baby and kept Zack.

I kept reading that part over and over:-

“Zack is now 3 years old and means the the world to me, I often wonder how his twin brother Zane is doing in life! I know this sounds awful but I had to do what I thought was best for my sons. I’d only prepared myself for one child not two and it was financially impossible to look after both of them. I knew the adoption agency will have placed him in a wonderful home, having been adopted myself.

Please don’t hate me for this decision. It may sound wrong to separate twins to you, but I have my reasons.”

I felt seriously sick my head reeling at this information. Maybe I should tear it up? forget about her and the one grandson I could have a relationship with in the future.

I’m still unsure what the best option is.

Wednesday 23/10/2024

Dear Dairy,

I’ve done a lot of thinking about Julia’s letter and the situation she is in. I’ve decided, even though it would be nice to know my grandson and daughter, it’s probably best to leave things as they are.

Like Julia, I had my reasons for giving her up for adoption and I had specifically requested no further contact, and to make sure she went to a loving home. Somehow she found a way to find me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

Besides, I’m not sure it would be fair on Judie to suddenly have a sister and nephew in her life, with everything she is going through right now. 

I think it would upset her too much, maybe even destroy her and I can’t have that. I’m also not sure I wish to face the ghosts of my past! So I’m going to stay no contact and not respond. 

It’s best I Let things be, we have, and always have had different lives. It doesn’t do to dwell on the past. I’m feeling good about this decision. 

Thursday 24/10/2024

Dear Diary,

I’m such a fool! Why did I not get rid of Julia’s letter?

keeping it was asking for trouble, and what do you know.

 Trouble arrived last night, when Judie discovered it. 

The colour completely drained from my face, leaving me very grey looking when Judie confronted me with, 

“Who the hell is Julia!”

Not only did I not know what to reply, I was annoyed that Judie had been through my things and scolded her as such;

“Who do you think you are? Going through my things?”

Her response being “I didn’t have to go through your things. It was left on your writing desk where I’m guessing you was going to reply?” 

I had reassured her that I wouldn’t be getting in touch with Julia as I didn’t feel it was right to do so. 

With this information she completely changed her point of view. Unimpressed with my response, she stated by ignoring the letter I was being unfair to Julia, who must of agonised over a decision to get in touch, and she at least deserved a response. She had questions of her own about the letter.

We plan to have an honest discussion tonight over dinner. I just hope she doesn’t want too much information. I’m not sure she’s going to understand my reasons, for giving Julia away. But fingers crossed, a simple explanation will suffice.

Friday 25/10/2024

Dear Diary,

The over dinner discussion with Judie went well. Much better than I could have anticipated. 

She was shocked to hear the reasons why I gave up her sister, but completely understood just how hard it must have been. 

She wants to have a relationship with Julia and thinks I should too. 

She also dropped a bombshell on me when she said.

“Now Mum I have some, great news of my own! Terry and I have been accepted to adopt an adorable blond haired blue eyed, 3 year old little boy. We met and fell in love with him instantly! I just know you’re going to love him too. 

I know we said we wanted a baby! but after meeting him, we have agreed and decided to adopt the little boy instead”.

I’m beyond thrilled for her. she’s waited so long since finding out she couldn’t have children of her own. 

I can’t wait to meet my new grandson to be. Though my heart still brakes inside over not ever knowing Zane. Maybe this will make things a little better. I’ve also decided I should respond to Julia’s letter and see what the future brings. 

Now it’s just a case of replying and hoping she hasn’t changed her mind. 

Saturday 26/10/2024

Dear Diary,

I wrote my letter back to Julia. Thanking her for getting in touch, asking her if she still wanted to meet and agree a time and place. I also mentioned Judie, and how she wanted to meet her at the same time. I viewed it as a big family reunion, even though it may be a lot for everyone to take in.

I got all the way to the postbox and hesitated! Instead of posting it, I brought it back home with me. I’m still not sure I’m ready to face those ghosts.

What if she found my reasons for giving her up unreasonable? After all I had managed to care for and bring Judie up just fine. She might think it was unfair that I didn’t do the same for her? Then again, she may be the one person who completely understands having given Zane up, but not Zack.

Maybe we had both had the same reasons? Or maybe we were too much alike? This was bringing back the past agony of choosing to give her up and keep Judie. That’s why I felt sick hearing about Zane. It’s a mirror image of my decision with Julia, except for our ages, she would have been 25 and I was 19.

At the time I’d felt there was no other choice! I was left on my own a single mum, my boyfriend left me for refusing to have an abortion at his request. I wanted the baby, even knowing it would be a struggle to bring a baby up on my own. I was sure my parents would support me. 

However, I was wrong about my parents, they were unhappy, concerned about their own reputations and that I was too young. They threatened me with the statement “I was on my own if I kept the baby”. I was determined I was not only going to keep my baby but be the best mum.

When People found out they saw it as a brave choice and a few helped me prepare. 

However as much as I had prepared myself for my baby, I hadn’t prepared myself for twins. I was planning on having the one little girl who I already named Judie. The scan had only shown one baby. After giving birth to Judie, I was shocked to here there was a second baby.  

As I held Judie in one arm and Julia in the other, full of love for both. I knew that financially I could only support one child not two, but I tried for a few weeks anyway. 

It was an agonising choice, realising I had to give one or both girls up for adoption. 

It was impossible to choose! I loved them both equally, but also wanted them both to have the best chances in life. 

In the end the logical part of my brain reasoned, before they were born I had already named Judie, so she was the one I would keep. It destroyed not only my heart but also my soul to give Julia up. But I knew the people at the adoption agency would make sure she went to a good, loving home. 

My gut was wrenching! holding her tightly and kissing her on the forehead once last time. I decided, in order for them to both have the best chance in life. It would be best, if neither of them knew, they had a twin sister. I asked that the adoptive family, would not stay in contact or be able to contact me.

Sunday 27/10/2024

Dear Diary 

I cried myself to sleep last night, haunted over the memories of giving Julia up. All those buried feelings were once again as raw as the day I gave her up. I’m still not sure it’s a good idea to get to know each other, but Judie is determined, she at least would meet Julia and Zack. 

She even decided the best idea would be a family meeting next weekend. Where not only would we be able to meet them, but her and Terry could bring along their new son to meet his Nan, Aunt, Uncle and Cousin.

She added her own note and posted them both together, in response to Julia’s letter.

Its done now! so we are just waiting on a reply from Julia, if she decides she still wants to meet us.

Thursday 31/10/2024

Dear diary,

I know it’s been a few days, since I last wrote. After dealing with my reopened wounds. I have been running all the possible outcomes, including Julia having changed her mind and deciding to keep things as they are. 

Yesterday however another letter arrived from Julia. I was waiting for Judie so we could open it together, which we did last night. 

Julia still wants to meet up but thinks a public place would be best for us all, and suggested the local harvester. 

Tomorrow is the big day for the occasion. I’m having mixed emotions about it all, from nervousness, to anticipation, to full on excitement. All I know is after tomorrow there is no going back. Whatever the outcome, all of our lives will have changed forever. I’m hoping it’s for the better. 

Friday 01/11/2024

Dear Dairy,

After all the emotional turmoil, remembering the past. We finally did it!

It was an extremely emotional day! Having met Julia, Greg and Zack, It’s like my soul has been given another chance.

She had a spookily similar situation with Zack’s father as I did with hers, being left as a single mother, unsupported and not able to afford to look after both boys financially, believing she was only having one boy. It was a complete echo of my experience, only with an age difference and her meeting Greg not long after giving Zane up.

We hugged and cried together and Zack is the most adorable, happy, blond haired blue eyed boy. Just like my girls, Judie and Julia who got along brilliantly. My heart swells at the knowledge that we all got along so well. It was almost like we had never been apart, and we have all agreed to meet up on a monthly basis, as a big family.

We can’t wait to share our first Christmas celebrations together, next month. 

But the best part of the reunion was getting to meet Judie and Tony’s new adopted son Zane! Zack's twin brother who Julia gave up for adoption. Both Julia and myself were overwhelmed with Joy at this revelation. 

Judie had known all along that Zane was Zack’s twin, after doing her own research and made sure that not only was this a family reunion. It was also a reunion, for two sets of twins, two brothers, two sisters and two mothers with the two babies they gave up to save, all reunited in one meeting. 

It’s a much happier ending than I could have ever believed when I gave Julia up for adoption all those years ago. 

The end