Waiting for Sorry

Anna brushed the hair out of her eyes and rolled her aching shoulders. Quickly checking the watch pinned to her uniform, relief washed over her as she realised her shift ended in just over an hour. Barring any last-minute emergencies or staff shortages that is.

“Oh Anna, great!” the warm voice of Anna’s Ward Sister called out. Thankfully Marjorie Fenwick was the antithesis of the nickname “dragon” given to many ward sisters. Known for her competence and compassion, Marjorie was fiercely protective of her nurses and did not expect anymore of her nurses than she would willingly do herself. 

“Car accident in Ward 2, Room 3 darl. Can you take that one? You’ll have to hang in there a little longer, sorry.” Noticing Anna’s face fall, Marjorie squeezed her shoulder briefly, “I’ll make sure Mrs Jenkins does an extra round with the tea trolley lovey.” Taking a deep breath, Anna managed a smile back at Marjorie, “Sure, you know I can’t refuse when there’s an extra cuppa involved.”

Ward 2 was towards the back of the hospitals maze of corridors and wards, with extra rooms having been added on to the place over the years as the local community raised funds. Meeting the doctor on his way out of the room, Anna sought a brief rundown on the patient’s condition. “Male, late 60s. Broken left leg, tibia. Concussion and lacerations to the head. He’s still drifting in and out, you’ll need to keep an eye on him.”   With that, the doctor was off, walking quickly down the corridor to check on his patients in the next ward.

Anna slipped inside the room, two of the beds were empty, one held a man recovering from a fall on a worksite and the remaining bed held Anna’s new patient. Picking up the folder hanging on the foot of the patient’s bed, Anna scanned through the notes to glean any extra information about him. Walter Ribwell was written in thick, block lettering at the top of the paper, followed by his time of admission and notes about his condition on arrival. Taking the man’s limp hand in her own, Anna started speaking hoping he might respond, “Hi there Walter, I’m Anna. I’m going to be looking after you. Right now, I’m just checking your pulse and then I’m going to pop a cuff around your arm and check your blood pressure, OK?” Apart from a small flicker behind Walter’s eyelids, there was no response.

Tucking the blood pressure cuff back in place on the stand, Anna picked up the patient notes for Walter and carefully wrote down the time and Walter’s blood pressure reading. Stifling a yawn as she attempted to tuck the notes back into the holder, Anna managed to bump the entire holder off the foot of the bed, and it clattered to the floor with a loud crash. She started and blushed, quickly bending to pick the offending item off the floor, as she glanced back at Walter her body reacted in shocked surprise for the second time in less than a minute. A pair of wide grey eyes with hints of green stared back at her. Eyes that Anna saw every morning when she applied her makeup in the chipped mirror of the pokey bathroom in the nurses’ quarters.

Feeling her throat close up, Anna couldn’t have spoken even if she’d had a coherent thought to speak. Flapping her hand in the general direction of the door, she quickly backed away from the bed and fled the room, her white soled nurses shoes slapping along the linoleum corridor. Rounding the corner, she almost barrelled her way straight into Marjorie, “Anna, darl! What’s got you racing about like a chicken with its head cut off?” Taking in Anna’s white face and heaving chest, Marjorie put an arm around the young nurse’s shoulders and guided her into an empty consulting room. “I’m sure Dr Markson won’t mind if we borrow his rooms for a moment” she said, closing the door behind them, “Deep breaths lovey, nice and slow now.”

After a few moments, Anna gathered enough of her senses to begin to feel deeply embarrassed about her unprofessional behaviour, running away from a patient. “Oh my gosh, I have to go back and apologise to W.. W, Walter. I mean, Mr Ribwell” she stammered. Marjorie shook her head, “Darl, you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on. You’re as white as a sheet! It’s not like you to be bothered by the state of a patient.” Anna shook her head, “No, its nothing like that Sister Fenwick. I, well, I mean the patient, that is…” her voice trailed off as Anna struggled to explain her intense reaction to seeing Walter’s eyes. “It’s alright darl, I’ve got a few more minutes before I need to meet with Matron. Come on now, let me know what has you so upset.”

With a halting voice, Anna managed to tell Marjorie that when Walter had briefly opened his eyes, she’d seen a mirror of her own reflected back at her. Thankfully Marjorie was aware that Anna had been brought up by her mother alone, with no father in sight for Anna’s entire life. Eleanor, Anna’s mother, had vacillated between telling Anna of the great love she shared with Anna’s father and bitterly condemning the man as a lying snake. Sitting and listening patiently through Anna’s explanation, Marjorie felt for the young nurse. She was sure Anna’s mother hadn’t been an easy woman to grow up with, Marjorie having known Eleanor for many years. But really, this could all just be coincidence, yes, grey eyes were rare, but perhaps Anna was simply over tired from a long shift and jumping to conclusions.

Keeping these thoughts to herself, Marjorie leant over and patted Anna’s hand, “Why don’t I pop in and see this Mr Ribwell darl? After all, I look at your pretty face every day, so maybe I’ll notice something in this man’s face.” Nodding slowly, Anna got up and followed Marjorie out of the room.

Marjorie bustled along down the corridor, snapping Anna out of her reverie in her hurry to keep up. Stopping outside the door of Room 3, she turned towards Anna, “How about you wait out here lovey? No need to get yourself all in a flap again if it’s not needed.” With that, Marjorie left her standing in the corridor, peering through the small window in the door to see the ward sister’s reaction to Walter.

“Good afternoon, Mr Ribwell, just a routine check. Do you think you could turn your head to the window for me? Mmm-hmm, and back towards me please? Lovely. Can you sit up? No? Not to worry Mr Ribwell, you’ll feel a little off for a few days with that nasty bump on your head. You just rest up now and one of the nurses will be along later to check in on you again.”

The moment Marjorie stepped back out into the corridor; Anna barraged her with questions. “Was he awake? Did you see his eyes, Sister Fenwick? They’re exactly like mine, aren’t they?” The ward sister looked back at Anna with a quelling look not often directed at her, normally Anna performed her duties with the utmost professionalism, but this had her badly rattled. “This is not the place for this discussion Anna” Marjorie responded crisply, and Anna had no choice but to follow as the ward sister strode purposefully towards one of the hospitals exits.

Emerging into the bright sunshine, Anna noticed the drone of bees in the rose bushes that formed the central part of the gardens on this side of the hospital. “There is indeed a distinct likeness Anna love, I was quite surprised myself when the gentleman turned his head towards me.” Marjorie began.  Noticing Anna’s eyes light up and her breath getting quicker, Marjorie tempered this with, “Now don’t go jumping to conclusions darl. We don’t know anything about Mr Ribwell. In fact, I don’t believe that was the name Eleanor mentioned to me all those years ago?”

Frowning, Anna realised Marjorie was right. Eleanor had only mentioned her father’s name a few times when she had been in her kindlier reminiscent moods, but it definitely wasn’t a Mr Ribwell she’d spoken of. But what was it? Tapping her teeth with one finger, Anna struggled to recall. Mr Rembwell? Mr Rembroke? No, it had been an unusual name… Definitely beginning with an R though. “Mr Rembowski!” she cried triumphantly, “The love-a-ly Mr Rembowski, that’s what my mother used to call him. Well, occasionally she did, when she wasn’t referring to him as that lying snake.”

Turning to the ward sister, Anna swallowed, “It’s possible isn’t it, Sister Fenwick? I mean, Mr Ribwell, he could be Mr Rembowski, couldn’t he? Other Poles have changed their names to fit in here, haven’t they?” Marjorie saw the look of hope in Anna’s eyes and was loathe to stomp on it, yet she also didn’t want to indulge in this fantasy too much and have it come to nothing. Anna was one of her best nurses, she respected the young girl, the more so because her life hadn’t been easy growing up without a father at home. Marjorie knew money had been tight in Anna’s home, not to mention the teasing the poor girl had suffered at school from some of the other children. 

“Why don’t you catch the bus across town and talk to Eleanor? You’re due to finish up now anyway, one of the nurses coming on shift can take on Mr Ribwell” she suggested. Anna paused; she didn’t relish the thought of speaking to her mother about this. Eleanor could take it one of two ways, she’d either become incredibly maudlin at the mention of Anna’s father or she would spark into the rage of a woman scorned. Never mind that the scorning had been more than twenty years ago now. Not to mention, she felt a twinge of something when Marjorie suggested passing her new patient on to someone else. Of course, all the nurses turned their patients over at shift end, but it wasn’t every patient that could well be your damn father!

Yet Marjorie was right, Anna had nothing to go on apart from those grey green eyes that had sparked her fleeing the patient’s room. Smoothing down her uniform as she stood, Anna stared at the rose garden and sighed, “Your right Sister Fenwick, I do need to talk to mother. Wish me luck, won’t you?” 

Eleanor looked up as she heard the light tap on the door. Couldn’t be one of those blimmin’ door to door salesmen then, they liked to hammer on your door and no mistake. Opening the door, she stared at her daughter Anna, with those piercing grey green eyes that could spear right through you. “I hope you didn’t bunk off shift early miss.” Anna rolled those eyes, “Gee thanks mother. Nice to see you too. Can I come in?”  Eleanor shrugged and opened the door wider, “I’m just lookin’ out for yer girly. We’ve gotta keep our knees covered, gawd knows the town has had enough to say about our family over the years.”

Settling on the familiar, worn couch across from her mother, Anna wondered if this would be a maudlin day or a sparks flying one.  She plucked nervously at the frayed cushion next to her and debated how to begin. Not one for much patience, Eleanor spoke up, “Well, what’s on yer mind girly? I can tell when yer upset about somethin’ yer know. I am yer mother after all.” With an opening practically handed to her on a silver platter, Anna braced herself and began, “Yes, you are, and I know things haven’t been easy for you raising me on your own.” Hearing Eleanor’s quick hiss of breath, Anna immediately ploughed on before she lost her nerve entirely. “It’s about my Dad, please Mum, I need to know. Did he have eyes like mine? And did he ever, um, change his name?”

Braving a quick glance over at her mother, Anna saw how Eleanor’s face had tightened, and her eyes had gone wide. “Yer Dad, eh? Yer wanna know more about yer dear old Dad? That connivin’ son of a snake that was all sweet talk and flowers until he got me up the bloody duff?! Did he have flippin’ eyes like yours? You bloody betcha he did girly and much good it did me or you once he took off! Couldn’t get himself outta here fast enough and never bloody mind he’d still got deliveries to do in town and all.”  Pausing briefly in her tirade to take a breath, Eleanor cast a suspicious look at her daughter, “And what’s brought all this on anyway, eh? You ain’t never asked about him before. What gave yer the idea he had eyes like yours?”

Anna had never been able to hide her feelings, she blushed brightly and looked down at the floor. “You’ve seen him! Yer have, isn’t that right girly? Don’t bloody tell me he’s turned up in the blimmin’ hospital after all these years?” Swallowing, Anna nodded. It was pointless lying; in a town this size the gossip would reach her mother’s ears quick smart anyhow. This admission seemed to take the wind out of Eleanor’s sails, sagging back against the couch she stared vacantly out the window.  “Mother?” Anna said tentatively, Eleanor turned at the sound of her voice, “I’m not feeling well girly, see yerself out won’t yer?”

Thoughts whirled in Anna’s mind like a hurricane. Her mother had confirmed that Anna had inherited her Dad’s eyes and even Sister Fenwick had admitted that eyes like those were rare. Surely it was too much of a coincidence to ignore. Swiftly glancing around to ensure the corridor was clear, Anna quickly pushed open the door to Room 3 and made her way towards Walter’s bed.  The room was dimly lit as dinner had already been served and it was rest time for the patients. As she neared the bed, Walter must have sensed a presence, turning towards her his eyes opened. Whilst Anna was at least somewhat prepared this time, her heart still jumped when she stared into those eyes that mirrored her own. 

He coughed, startling Anna slightly in her already heightened state, before clearing his throat. “Your Eleanor’s girl, aren’t you?” he asked without preamble. Nodding, Anna slid onto the edge of the bed, her legs too shaky to keep holding her up. Good grief, she would be in so much trouble if any of the ward sisters or senior nurses saw her now. Usually competent and utterly professional, invading a patient’s room whilst off duty was about as far from that as possible.  Walter looked searchingly at her and hesitantly reached his lined and spotted hand towards her own. Grasping it before she changed her mind, Anna squeezed his hand gently. “I’m sorry, so sorry…” the words were spoken with a grimace of pain behind them. “Shush” she replied, “you must rest now Walter. You know you’ve been in a serious car accident?” His eyes suddenly widened, and Anna thought he must not have been conscious for long enough to be told what had happened, until he coughed violently, and blood spattered across her blouse.

“Help!” Anna screamed, “Nurse! Help, emergency in Room 3! Nuuuuuurse!”

Seconds later the room was flooded with nurses and the on-duty doctor, with Anna shoved back out of the way. Her own professional knowledge had fled with her body reeling from the shock of discovering her father before being coated in his blood. She was dimly aware of the frenetic activity before the doctor’s voice seemed to boom out at her, “Time of death, 7.43pm. Can you clean up here please nurse?”

In Loganvale, 100 miles from Anna’s home in Tentington, the wind whipped Anna’s hair about her eyes as she gently touched the grey stone. Bending to gently place the posy of white roses, she brushed them past her lips and whispered, “I’m sorry too, Dad.”