Sean, Jasper and Rian

“Today is the day I change”

I looked for any reaction from my one person audience but Rian barely even moved, her nose remained firmly buried in her book.

“Are you even listening to me?” I asked her.

“Nope”

I deflated a bit but I couldn’t blame her. I had said it over a million times but saying was the easy part. I actually had to do something about it. And that was the difficult part.

“You know maybe a little positivity would go a long way. How does anyone expect me to change if my closest friend doesn’t even think I can?”

Rian sighed. “Would that make you leave me alone?”

I shrugged. She finally dropped her book and stood. I sat up in my chair wondering what she would do. To be honest, I had not expected her to do anything. Rian and I had been best friends since we were children and she was a lot of things, but positive was not one of them. Not to say she was always a Debby Downer but I had only seen her put effort into encouraging someone once. Her effort had failed miserably. I was the effort that failed miserably.

I watched her as she brought her hands up to her cheeks and pressed them into a weird imitation of a smile and her voice suddenly went up a pitch as she spoke.

“Sean. You’re my bestest friend in the whole world and I’m so happy that you’ve finally decided to quit drinking.”

At this point, her smile was stretched wide and her eyes closed while her hands waved at her sides like she was an anime character doing a bit. Then she ended it with two thumbs up. “I always believed in you Sean”

I was speechless. I watched with my jaws on my chest as she sat down, picked her book and continued reading like nothing had happened.

“What the heck was that?”

Surprisingly, I wasn’t the one who asked the question. I turned to see my other friend, Jasper standing at the doorway with three boxes of pizza balanced on one hand and a six-pack on the other. I shook my head and turned back to Rian, but she was back to ignoring me.

“Sean. What the heck was that?” Jasper asked dropping the beer and the pizza on the table. “I’m gone for two minutes and you guys have gone full freak on me?”

“Dude, I have no idea what the hell just happened.” I was just as confused….. actually, more confused than he was. Seeing as neither of us had any answers, we turned to the one person who would. She didn’t even pay us any attention.

“Come on, Ri. You’ve got to explain that” Jasper pushed when she ignored our stares.

“I don’t want to.” Rian said simply. She reached over and grabbed a pizza slice from one of the boxes Jasper had brought in.

“How did you guys even get to that?” Jasper asked. “cuz I’ve been running calculations and I just don’t understand how you guys got to ….that in your conversation”

I shrugged as I grabbed a slice. Jasper handed me a bottle of beer while looking at me expectantly awaiting the story. I looked to Rian and she was actually listening.

“I’m gonna quit drinking.”

Jasper laughed. “Yeah right”

“I’m serious. I’m gonna quit. I’m gonna change my life. Be a good person.”

I’d actually been thinking about it for a while. When my ex-girlfriend, Janice, broke up with me, I’d retreated into the bottle. Within a span of two years, I became an alcoholic. I lost my job. I lost the respect of my peers. I lost my own self-respect.

“Just like that?” Jasper asked.

“Yeah”

Jasper and Rian shared a look. I didn’t understand what was being communicated but clearly it was about me. I hated when people spoke about me behind my back and they both knew it, so they were probably doing it to annoy me.

“What is it?”

“Nothing” Jasper shrugged, taking a swig from his bottle. I snatched the bottle from his hands.

“Tell me”

He looked at Rian again. “Look it’s just…. We’ve been here before.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when we held that intervention after you crashed your car?”

I flinched. I did remember. That was the only time I’d ever heard Rian give a speech; an inspiring one at that. I also remembered the promise I made them – to stop drinking. Most importantly, I remember breaking the promise the next night when I got into a drunken fight with Rian’s fiancé. They’d broken up that night after Rian got into a shouting match with him. He asked her to pick between us. She picked me.

“Look, Sean. We really want you to change as well. But the thing is you’re never willing to put the work. Change isn’t automatic. It’s a process. You’ve got to actually want to change if not…” He shrugged. “You’re wasting everyone’s time”

“That’s harsh.” I said quietly.

“I’m sorry man. It’s the truth”

I looked at Rian. She was always in my corner. We made that promise when we were young – Rian and Sean against the world. “Do you agree?”

She looked away from me. “I’m always with you Sean. But I don’t think I have the strength to even try again if you’re not going to go through with it”

I hadn’t realized how much I’d been hurting her or those closest to me. Suddenly it all made sense. Why they were always around even when they didn’t need to be. Why Rian hadn’t been on a date for over seven months. Why Jasper was always the one to get the beer. They were trying to make sure I wasn’t passed out drunk on the rails outside of town again (That only happened once. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life)

Right there, I made a decision.

I grabbed the bottle of beer Jasper had handed me earlier and walked to the kitchen. I could hear Rian and Jasper following me. I stopped at the sink and poured out the entire content of the bottle into the sink. I turned back to see their surprised faces.

“I’m serious this time. I’m done being a liability. I want to change. No, I need to change”

“It ain’t gonna be easy Sean. You’ll have to join AA sessions. Avoid bottles for the rest of your life. It’s gonna be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Are you sure you’re ready for it?”

I nodded. “Sign me up”

“Okay” Jasper said with a smile. I was proud of myself for making the decision but what made it all better was Rian’s smile. She hadn’t smiled like that in a while.