Adventure

The Compass

Gary Hugh spent that afternoon clearing the attic after his Grandfather passed away. It was all too real to him. The Hurst had his Grandfather a few hours later. His parents were talking with his Grandmother down stairs. He could care less about was being said. He was going through a box of miscellaneous junk. Some empty old time glass soda bottles, and useless papers with scribbling and old newspapers.

Just then he found a green pouch with something heavy inside and pulled it out. It was a golden compass. It looked like a relic from the Second World War. The funny thing is was that the compass had his initials on the case. Putting the compass back in his pocket he quickly went down staircase.

Walking over to his parents and Grandmother in the kitchen just talking, Gary took out the relic compass.

"Oh, you keep it Gary, your Grandfather would want you to have it."

"Well... Thanks. But..."

"What do you say Gary?" His mother demanded.

"Thanks Grandma."

"It's got my initials on it. Do you know anything about that?"

"That's what your Grandfather's initials were.

"Would you like to know first how he obtained the compass?"

"How Grandma?"

He had enlisted in the Army during the Second World War in the infantry. I was a nurse back then. My unit and I were captured by the Germans, but later it was his same unit that rescued us at a prison camp."

"Wow." Turning to his parents he asked "would you mind if I tried it out?"

"Sure son. Go for it."

"He might get lost dear."

"He knows these woods like the back of his hand. Do You know how to work a compass Gary?"

Opening the lid he pointed towards his Dad. "That way is North." Pointing to his left. "That's West." This is South behind me and East is that way."

“See, Kara. He’ll find his way back.”

“If he gets lost I’ll blame you.”

“Gary, just go out and have some fun.”

“Thanks Dad.” Turning to his Grandma he thanked her again, and was given a quick hug.

“You go have some fun.”

Gary didn’t pay any attention to what his parents were talking about when he left the house and headed for the woods.

Upon entering the woods he stopped. There was no sound which was somewhat nerving to Gary.

“If my Grandpa could go marching in the woods by himself… Then so can I.” Taking a deep breath he looked at the compass. It was west for his Grandparent’s house, and he would be hiking east.

“Okay. Here goes nothing.”  He took a step and started off.

“All I’m saying Kara, is that I know Gary wouldn’t just get lost in the woods. He’s played in ours just the same.”

“But this is Mom and Dad’s woods we’re talking about. He didn’t grow up in these woods. Who knows what’s out there?

“Blake is right. I think he’ll be fine. We don’t have to worry about any critters out there.”

Kara knew that Beatrice was right.

“Could you tell us more about what happened over there?”

“Well. There’s not much else to talk about since we mostly took care of the wounded. But you’re father was involved in allot of heavy fighting in the Ardennes offensive.”

“Did he tell you what he did?”

“With lots of pain.” Beatrice added. “His unit was also discovered a concentration camp. Which angered everybody in his unit.”

Gary went through pine forest and a open field with tall dead grass. Wading through it he spotted a small windmill. Looking at his compass he looked where he was going and quickly headed for it. The windmill was just a decorative item. Apparently he figured whoever used to live here must have kept this field cleared in the past. So he decided to move on after spotting and abandoned house he kept walking.

Walking into the next pine forest he stopped.

“Okay, where am I?”

He could see a hill in front of him. He didn’t dare go any more. He figured he should start heading back. That abandoned house looked inviting. He decided to head back to it and explore it before he went back home.

It was an old Victorian house. There a few broken windows, and the door was halfway off it’s hinges. Inside was dark and spooky. He didn’t dare go inside, he wondered if there were any monsters lurking just behind the door. “I think I better not.”

Quickly just as he could, Gary took to his compass of his Grandparents house and sprinted through the tall grass. Afraid of what was in there.

He didn’t know how long he was out there for, but the sun was starting to set. That house still bugged him. He wondered if anything that watched him go by would come out after him. Quickly he looked around. Nothing. He sighed in relief.

“Okay mind, stop! They said in snorkeling class to remain calm and keep a clear head. Grandma’s house is west.”

His fear was confirmed when a speeding car went passed on the hill in front of him.

“Now I’m really lost! I don’t remember seeing a road here!”

Scampering up, onto the road side. He looked around and noticed a few houses he didn’t recognize, plus a farm with a corn field. But then it occured to him. This is the road we take to Grandpa and Grandma’s house. Feeling confident he began walking along the side of the road not knowing how long it would take him, but at least he knew that this road would get him home.

“I’m worried something has happened to him.” Fred walked outside and yelled.

“Gary Hugh!” Fred yelled again. No response.

“I’m gonna go look for him. I’ll be right back.” Fred grabbed a long black flashlight and headed out to the woods.

Walking down the road he didn’t know how long it was or how long it would be. He recognized a red car coming up behind him and held out his thumb. And sure enough. He recognized it.

“Hi misses Holt.”

“What are you doing all the way out here Gary?”

“I’m staying at my Grandpa and Grandma’s…” He stopped realizing that it wasn’t Grandpa and Grandma’s, just Grandma’s.

He felt tears going down his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“My… My Grandpa passed this morning. I was hiking in the woods when I got lost.”

“Hop in and I’ll take you over there. Just point me the way.”

“So you’re Grandpa passed away?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I really am. Just point me the way.”

Gary pointed to the next turn off. “Just down this road.”

“Wow. You really have gotten lost. The old 41 is a long one.”

A few minutes later Gary had arrived back at his Grandparent’s home.

“Well, you take it easy. I’ll let the principle know you need some time off.

“Thanks Misses Holt.”

Backing out the driveway she sped down the road and disappeared.

Looking at the compass he looked back at the woods he’d gotten lost in the location; East. Shaking his head he sure wasn’t about to tell his parents he’d gotten lost. Just as he was about to enter the house he heard a howler.

“Gary!”

Turning around in fear he watched his Dad walk up to him with the long part of the flashlight hanging down as if ready to spank him.

“I’d gotten lost Dad, honest. I thought I knew my way back.”

“I was wrong Gary. I should have never let you go alone.”

“I thought I could find home the same way Grandpa found Grandma.”

“That was a different situation altogether. Let’s go inside.”

“Okay.”

Walking in his Mother was the first to welcome him with open arms.

“Where have you been we’ve been worried sick!?”

“I…”

“I spotted him in the woods near the abandoned house. He was just checking it out. Good thing I came along when I did. He might have actually gotten lost altogether. Not caring anymore he just nodded. He felt glad to be home. Away from that abandoned house. No more worrying if he was going to chased by any monsters. Then he noticed his pocket was empty.

“My compass!”

Holding it out Fred smiled adding “You dropped it coming inside.”

“Thanks Dad.” All that mattered to everyone was that Gary was safe.

Posted Jan 27, 2022
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11 likes 5 comments

Chloe Longstreet
22:14 Feb 03, 2022

Hi Lionel! Wow! There are so many great parts to this story. I got you as one of my critique circle stories, so I hope it's ok to leave my thoughts.
The moment when his teacher picks him up and he remembers his grandfather is dead is so powerful. When you lose someone you love, it takes time for it to become real. You captured that so perfectly in just a few lines of prose.
I also related to Gary's confidence that he wouldn't get lost and then his fear when he did.
There are definitely some minor punctuation, spelling, and grammar errors that detract from the beauty of your story and make it hard to read. You also have a moment of repetition where the teacher says the same thing twice in a row when she picks Gary up. Also, the dad says he found Gary by the abandoned house, but I got the feeling that was far from his grandmother's and Gary was dropped off by his teacher so this confused me.
Overall, though, awesome story and I hope you keep writing! That's the best way to get better. :)

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Robert Prins
03:59 Feb 04, 2022

Okay, thank you.

Reply

Kay Northbridge
21:29 Feb 08, 2022

Hi Lionel,

As promised here is some more in depth crit on this piece. It is meant to be constructive therefore I will pick out areas where I feel there could be improvement. I hope this is helpful.

Gary Hugh spent that afternoon clearing the attic after his Grandfather passed away. It was all too real to him. The Hurst had his Grandfather a few hours later. His parents were talking with his Grandmother down stairs. He could care less about was being said. He was going through a box of miscellaneous junk. Some empty old time glass soda bottles, and useless papers with scribbling and old newspapers.

This is your opening and as such it needs to grab the reader's attention to keep them reading - could you bring it to life a little more? Gary doesn't come across as particularly affected by the death of his grandfather - should he? If Gary isn't bothered - why should the reader be?

I would try to work in some details about how Gary is affected by this and show the reader that it really matters. You could also drop in a little more description of the scene. Also - I don't know what "The Hurst" is - can you cut that part or elaborate on it to explain?

I might rework the passage along these lines:

Gary Hugh spent that afternoon wiping tears from his cheeks as he cleared the attic. His face was sore from the soft friction of too many tissues but he didn't notice, his Grandfather was dead. His parents were talking in hushed tones with his Grandmother downstairs. He couldn't care less about what was being said. He pulled a dusty a box of miscellany towards him. Empty old time glass soda bottles, useless papers with scribbling, old newspapers, junk.

Just then he found a green pouch with something heavy inside and pulled it out. It was a golden compass. It looked like a relic from the Second World War. The funny thing is was that the compass had his initials on the case. Putting the compass back in his pocket he quickly went down staircase. - There are some words in this passage that don't quite sit right and tripped me up a little when reading it. I might simplify it a bit but also add some descriptives - something like this:

There was a green leather pouch with something small but heavy inside and Gary pulled it out. It was a beautiful golden compass. It was dull and old fashioned, like a relic from the Second World War, but still in good order. On closer examination the compass had his initials on the case. Putting the compass into his pocket he ran downstairs.

"Would you like to know first how he obtained the compass?"
When you write dialogue think about how people really talk - some of your lines of dialogue feel a little stilted. Would the grandmother perhaps say something a little less formal?
How about: "Shall I tell you how he got it?"

Also with dialogue you need to double check that all your speech marks are in the right places - I spotted one or two missing.
Another rule with dialogue is just to use the word 'said' to describe people talking - any other dialogue tag will stand out and distract the reader from what is being said. A couple of other tags have sneaked in to your piece - maybe think about swapping them for 'said'.

“Well. There’s not much else to talk about since we mostly took care of the wounded. But you’re father was involved in allot of heavy fighting in the Ardennes offensive.” - You have a few typos in the piece - for example here 'allot' should be 'a lot'. It is worth having a thorough read through for typos because they do detract from your writing and distract the reader.

Walking down the road he didn’t know how long it was or how long it would be. He recognized a red car coming up behind him and held out his thumb. And sure enough. He recognized it.

“Hi misses Holt.” - Firstly it would be more usual to say Mrs Holt not misses Holt.
Secondly - this character comes out of nowhere with no real explanation of who she is. Can you add in a few words when he sees the car to say that he knows who she is and keep the reader up to speed? Is she his teacher? I wasn't sure.

The story feels a little bit disjointed and it could do with a really close edit to check for typos and dialogue issues and to smooth any areas where the action is not entirely clear.

Having said all that - I do like the story - it is a sweet and simple tale of a boy who has found something important to him in the face of grief. Very touching.

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Kay Northbridge
11:47 Feb 06, 2022

Hi Lionel, I got this story in critique circle. It's a nice read, touching story about grief and loss. There are quite a few things I would suggest if you want in depth crit, but I'm not sure if you do.
If you'd like more details let me know and I'll pop back over and leave a longer comment.

Reply

Robert Prins
02:01 Feb 08, 2022

Sure.

Reply

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