Looking for Keys

“Tony, where are my keys at?” she yelled. “You know I can’t be late again; can’t afford to be written up when bonus season is coming.” My own damn fault I guess; I really need to get some of this clutter off the counter. But only off the counter; she never did like parting from her possessions. Even catalogs mailed to her felt valuable. They had her name on it which made them hers to have. She kept checking her usual spots, not bothering to wait for a response from Tony. If the patron saint of lost things ever did personally respond to her, she supposed she wouldn’t have to worry about making her factory shift on time.

She wasn’t a particularly religious person, though she did live in a town called Nazareth. All her education was completed through Catholic schools, and she still remembered her Saints and found herself murmuring Hail Mary (although she couldn’t imagine her former nuns being impressed with the fact she only reached out to the Saints with nicknames when she needed something). The last time she attended mass was three Christmases ago when she spent the holiday in her old childhood home in Staten Island. It had been her mother’s last Christmas, a fact they both knew, and they spend the week pretending it wasn’t. She didn’t miss her mother much. Her mother wasn’t someone anyone necessarily cared for. That had been a nice Christmas though.

There they are! Right by a crumpled cigarette carton. She peaked inside and was pleasantly surprised to see two left. She pocketed them while picking up the keys. Outside was bright, but bitterly cold. Her drive was only 15 minutes, a benefit for starting work at 2:00 p.m. No commuters, no school buses, nothing to really slow her down. Which was good, because she was going to need to change a 15-minute commute into a 10-minute one. She didn’t mind 2^nd shift; in fact it made her feel less lonely. She couldn’t feel like she was missing out on family dinners when she was in the middle of her shift. She never had to feel left out of the neighborhood book club when she would be at work anyways. Her life was not empty by design, it had simply evolved into one of seclusion. But she rarely let her mind drift to such thoughts.

She jogged from her cold car, across the cold parking lot, and into the cold factory to clock in with a full minute to spare. The scent of lumber never failed to overwhelm her, even after all these years. The jog wiped her out and she was wheezing as she made her way over to her station. She politely nodded hello to other employees as she passed. Not that she really knew anyone she worked with, just like no one really knew her. Her shift passed exactly like the countless others that had passed before it; even the overtime she worked didn’t stand out. It made no difference to her if she walked out to her car at 10:30 or 11:30. She did notice the freezing rain as she stepped outside; that was a change of pace.

As she made her way onto the main road, she slipped a cigarette between her lips and started digging around for a lighter. Never can find one when I need one. She kept glancing up to make sure there were no headlights coming at her, but there wasn’t a need to be concerned. Nazareth felt like a ghost town at this hour and it felt even more deserted than usual on account of the weather. She thought she felt a lighter in the center console and looked down to grab it. Only before she could, her whole body jerked. Rather, her car did and was making her move with it. She tried to make sense of what direction she was headed. She tried to breathe and steady herself and the vehicle, but her heart was going wild. She was drifting and her brakes seemed useless to stop the trajectory. She kept looking around wildly to try and at least steer in a way that would avoid hitting anything, but it felt like she was in the middle of a never-ending obstacle. Finally, the car stopped. She was on some grass leading into a field. She knew she needed to move along but she couldn’t catch her breath. Am I having a heart attack?

After some time, she no longer felt like she was shaking and could feel her heart rate slowing down. There was nothing left to do but drive home. It wasn’t until she stepped through the front door that she noticed she no longer had a cigarette on her. She brushed the front of her sweatshirt in case it was stuck in the fabric but nothing came out. She grabbed the pack on the coffee table and dropped her keys there as she pulled one out. She took a deep drag and looked around her house, hoping the familiarity would help to calm her down. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had nearly died, no matter how much she tried to reason that calling tonight a near-death experience would be a gross exaggeration.

She felt like she should call someone but had no idea who. There were a few friends from New York she kept in touch with, but no one who wouldn’t be disturbed at this hour. There was no family left at this point. She had been so concerned with not dying while the car drifted, but now she was starting to question the point of living. She took another drag and started looking for the remote. Her TV was stacked on books. She had lots of books because she always considered reading a sophisticated hobby. She hadn’t read a book since high school, but she liked to have them around for when she was ready to start. I could have died without reading any of those books. I should pick one of those instead. But before the thought had fully formulated her hand was clutching the remote. She put Law & Order on. It’s always better to relax with a show.

As much as she tried to focus on the TV her thoughts wouldn’t stop drifting to what she was going to do with her life. I should do something totally crazy… like skydiving. She was starting to feel optimistic. She could still do new things. Of course, it definitely wouldn’t be skydiving; she had never been on a plane and didn’t think jumping out of one would be the best idea for her first flight. I’ve got some years of seniority, maybe it’s time to put in a request for first shift. I could enjoy evenings instead of working them. Although, first shift meant more people around. Management, tours, inspectors, and who knows who else would be around on the floor. She didn’t like busy places and didn’t want people who were going to bother her be around during her shift. This is definitely my second chance at life though. I’m going to make something of it.

After she finally started to relax she prepared herself for bed. She was no longer concerned about the future, she was too consumed with exhaustion. She made sure her blackout curtains were in place, even though she never opened them. But she figured she earned a good rest after what she had been through and needed to make sure there wouldn’t be any interruptions. She only wanted to wake up when she was good and ready. She realized by the fourth time she hit snooze that even if she wasn’t ready to be awake, her job might feel differently. She jolted up with a shock and looked closely at the time. I’m going to be late.

She quickly went to the coffee pot to start it. She dragged her fingers through her hair a few times before placing it in a bun. She changed into a t-shirt and flannel. She brushed some clothes around until she found a pair of jeans and put those on. She grabbed some socks and a pair of boots to finish getting dressed. She quickly rinsed her mouth with Listerine before going back out to the kitchen. She rinsed out a thermos and filled it with coffee. She was ready to go. Now what did I do with my keys?