Natural Disasters

35 hours into my 72 hour psychiatric care unit hold. My mother's new elaborate plan to keep my mouth closed about what happened that night and all years before. Some grow up being taught that lying leads to bad consequences. I however was taught telling any living soul about what was going on in my house would bring greater consequences. My mouth stayed shut until i realized other people didn't get treated how i did and didn't have the same problems, other children felt safe in their homes. I didn't get the pleasure, unfortunately i was one of many to grow up in an abusive household. Even when i realized things were supposed to be different i stayed silent never mentioned where my bruises were coming from or why i missed weeks of school at a time. Until I turned 13 and moved in with my grandmother, I wasn't allowed a cell phone living with my mom but obtained one while with my grandmother soon to meet a boy through a mutual friend who was about three hours away. This said  boy was the only person i had ever thought about telling my secrets to and eventually i did. I told him about my mothers abusive boyfriends and about the time i was raped by one of my closest friends. That wasn't even the half of it but some was just too gruesome to tell. Id been through alot more than i was leading on, but the more me and said boy got to know each other the more i felt he needed to know. After 2 long years of being in a relationship with him he had learned everything to possibly learn about my past from being shot up with meth by my mom's abusive boyfriend to being locked in the basement for getting in a fight at school. Even after all me and said boy had been through together we eventually broke up and i fell deep into drugs not your usual street drugs but into an over the counter cough medicine i would steal from my towns Wal-Mart. After months of being hooked on these drugs with friends and ruining my freshman year my mom moved to town and caught on to what i was doing. She wasn't happy and threatened rehab where most of my friends ended up, but I stopped using and got in contact with the only best friend i had ever had. Things got bad at my grandmas and she kicked me out to replace me with my own dad because he was fresh out of prison. I jumped from one friend's house to the other and ended up at my mothers. I wasn't too happy about it and I had already planned on skipping town and I bet you can guess where I ended up. 3 hours away staying with said boy from the beginning, it was the first place I'd ever truly felt safe and he made sure of it. My mother on the other hand wasn't too happy about the whole situation and tracked me down. When she found me she had taken my phone and invaded the only privacy id ever had, to find out that i had told someone about the things that went on inside her house and you can bet things were going to get a whole lot worse from there on. She said boy the only person i had ever trusted that i was crazy and made it all up for attention, then proceeded to tell me i was going nowhere in life and that she would help me with nothing. I told myself I wouldn't give her the chance to help or be in my future life if i ever planned on having one. She'd already ruined my childhood. I couldn't let her ruin my future. Despite me falling into drugs I was an A average student, raising my siblings in a 2 bedroom house with there being six of us all together and a dog id always been amazing at keeping up and making sure things were clean i didn't need anymore backlash. I brainstormed ways to get out ways to get away and the only way i could come up with was ending it all for good no one would miss me no one missed me while i was here my siblings hated me and told me i should've never came back and i was running out of people who were on my side id lost every friend i had that wasn't in rehab. All i could think about was my best friend i missed him but the only way i could contact him was by messaging him on  my computer so i tired and i got my message through he seemed mad but later i found out it was just hard for him to talk to me because he missed me just as i missed him. He asked me to come to his house to get myself out but I couldn't think of any way to get there and the more I thought about what he said the more I thought maybe he just said those things because he was tired and it was a moment of weakness. I began to lose hope, I mean of course he didn't want me no one did and I was just starting to realize it. Either way i needed to get out of this house the nightmares are too much i needed to be high i searched the cabinets and found what i was looking for anything with DXM in it. I took all of the pills around 900mg and i enjoyed my trip until i lost touch with reality and fell into a maze in my mind going in circles of testes and i felt terrified i had no way out, i found myself looking at myself through a mirror in the maze i had no idea what was going on but i kept trying to get out till i somehow did. I found myself in the bathroom and made my way back to the couch I was sleeping on and let myself go back into the maze that was my life. Somehow I saw myself as a natural disaster waiting to get worse.