Basil, a dog who saved a life.

This story contains issues surrounding mental health (depression) and suicidal actions.

Amelie and Basils relationship didn’t get off to the greatest start. Effectively, he had been dumped on her doorstep when her best friend Natalie and her husband had decided to go to Thailand to be teachers. Basil appeared with the promise of “He will make you feel better, he’s good company, no trouble at all.” She remembered to keep him fed and watered, she didn’t walk him. Understandably he grew bored, anyone knew dogs needed to be walked at least once a day, but Amelie didn’t have the mental energy to brush her teeth or comb her hair, never mind walk a dog she didn’t want. This had been a bad idea, a dog deserved to be around people who loved and cared for them, not someone like Amelie. Basil grew increasingly frustrated with his lack of stimulation he started chewing curtains, skirting boards and anything else he could get his teeth into. “No trouble at all.” She thought looking at Basils latest act of destruction “Yeah right.”

When Basil arrived Amelie was going through the lowest time of her life. She had woken up on a Saturday morning, excited for the weekend ahead, thoughts of work cast aside for the next forty- eight hours. This; however, was not meant to be, ideas of a carefree, relaxed couple of days were soon forgotten when, that morning her boyfriend of seven years Andrew, told her he had found a flat and was leaving the next day. A seven year long relationship shattered to smithereens in a matter of moments. She had been utterly devastated. She thought they had been happy. Week nights spent cooking recipes they had chosen together. Weekends meeting friends for one too many drinks or brunch. Time spent alone together would involve visiting local farmers markets, her baking a fresh batch of cookies or a loaf of bread, him working on the house. They would watch a movie or play scrabble changing the theme each week to make it more fun, laughing until their bellies hurt late at night when the rest of the world had long taken to their beds. In more intimate moments he would lay on the sofa, “The New Scientist.”  In hand, she would rest her head on his chest, pen in mouth reading the latest manuscript she was proofing. She truly believed they had been content, comfortable. Long had the times gone where she would worry or fret he would go out with the boys and cheat on her. They had talked about getting married, having babies, going travelling. Was it all a big joke to him? 

That had sent her into a deep pit of depression. She had been to the doctors, they had given her some anti depressants, anti anxiety medicines and a six week course of CBT, which was magically going to change the way she thought. The medications didn’t help though, they made her woozy and unable to focus. When it came to the CBT, she found it useful to discuss some of her emotions, but no matter how much she spoke about the unexpected break up she still couldn’t understand that someone who she thought would be in her life until the day she died, could just change their mind like that. Someone she perceived had loved and cared for her could hurt her the way Andrew had. When the block finished she went back to keeping it all locked in, no longer able to trust anyone, or even let her walls down riddled with anxiety that all the people she previously considered to be confidants turned out just to be the same as Andrew? 

In the initial phases of their breakup, Amelie had tortured herself by looking at Andrews social media profiles. She watched as any and all of pictures of them disappeared, having been deleted, he had completely eradicated any evidence that she had been part of his life. These images were replaced with photos of his new flat, some art work he had bought and batches of banana bread, which looked barely edible. Still, as she clicked on each image, she prayed he would turn up on the door step declaring that he had made a colossal mistake. This didn’t happen though, and a few months later a picture of a girl all smiles appeared. He’d moved on. It had taken him mere months to move on from a seven year relationship, while she was still sobbing on the sofa, wondering what she had done wrong. Had he even loved her at all? 

After that post she told herself not to look again, it caused her too much distress, but today something was pulling her to look. Perhaps it was because it was a year to the day since they had separated, she didn’t know. All day she had tried resisting the urge, distracting herself as best she could, but nothing worked, that niggling in the pit of her stomach left her nauseated, head spinning without easing off, intensifying as the hours past. Eventually, she gave in opened up instagram, searched for his name and clicked it. She wasn’t expecting to see the image that was now glowing in front of her eyes. There it was in all its glory. A selfie of him and the new girlfriend with her perfect hair and chiselled jaw line, her hand to the camera. She didn’t need to read the caption to know what it was, but she did anyway. “SHE SAID YES!” Engaged. A year since their relationship had dissolved and he was getting married. They had been together for seven years and although they had talked about, he had never proposed. She must be special, and she must have meant nothing to him. 

In a fit of rage and upset, she threw her phone to the wall. It banged and bounced; Basil barked. She didn’t see the screen smash; she was too busy in the kitchen rifling through cupboards in search of something. She wasn’t sure she had them anymore it had been a long time since she had taken them, deciding they were useless. When she found it, she shook the box. Success. There was a whole unopened packet. She now calmly poured herself a glass of water and went back to her spot on the sofa. She didn’t need to write a note, she didn’t need to play melancholy music, she didn’t need any of it. She popped each of the pills out of the packet and lined them up on the coffee table. She took a swig of the water and counted them one by one placing them in her hands. She was the most composed she had been in a long time. She wanted this. She looked at the tablets in her hand, Basil Barked. She looked at him annoyed. He barked again. “Can I not do anything without you barking?” She yelled; Basil growled. Her hand shaking now slightly, she took another gulp of the water and lifted her hand to her mouth. At this moment Basil leapt up knocking half of the medicine into unknown locations and the rest into a fizzling mess in the water. 

Basil without realising had interrupted her plans, and was now making himself quite comfortable on her lap. Amelie sobbed she didn’t know how long for, but she must have cried herself to sleep. When she woke Basil was exactly where he had been. She was unaware, but Basil had not left her side that night. He hadn’t eaten any of his kibble or lapped up some water, it was as if something inside of him knew what he had to do. 

From that night something changed. Amelie started taking better care of Basil, she fed him, kept his water topped up, started playing with him, giving him love, taking him for walks. The more she took care of Basil, the more she practiced the same for herself. It wasn’t all at once, first making sure to brush her teeth twice a day, eat three times a day, wash her hair, do laundry, but it did happen. She began to discover who she was again, what she enjoyed as well as what she didn’t. She made friends at a dog walking group, joined a hockey team on Tuesdays and a Spanish class on Thursdays she even thought that one day she might be carefree and joyful again. 

 Two years later she was thinking of how Basil had saved her life as she held his paw in her hand, her thumb stroking it gently, tears once more uncontrollably streaming down her face. She knew the news she was about to receive. He had been old two years ago, even more mature now. She was all too familiar with the idea that nothing sticks around forever, having learnt that lesson the hard way.

The vet appeared. She smiled at Amelie, but she could tell by the way it didn’t meet her eyes that it wasn’t genuine, she was just doing her job. At that moment Amelie was certain of what was going to happen. Basil had been walking slower and slower, Amelie having researched it thought it was due to old age, she followed what to do, less walks, but encourage play. It seemed to help for a while; however, today when Basil couldn’t even lift himself to his morning feed, she knew something wasn’t right, this is why she was here now. She had been here all day. 

“Amelie, I have looked at the scans and I am so sorry to tell you, Basil, unfortunately has bone cancer. We can give medicines to help with pain, but we can’t treat it, it is too far gone. You can take him home with the medication or I am recommending you seriously think about having him put down. It won’t be a nice death even with the pain relief, this is the kinder approach, it’s up to you though.” Amelie looked around the room, her eyes swimming, never did she think she would feel this way about an animal, even less about one she didn’t choose. She glanced at the vet. Amelie was annoyed at herself for not doing something sooner. How could she do this to him? The initial stages of their companionship had been fraught, but she had grown to love him. As if she knew what Amelie was playing through her mind the vet squeezed her shoulder. “I know what you are thinking, but even if you had bought him in months ago we still couldn’t have done anything, this type of cancer develops quickly, and whatever stage we catch it there is very little we can do.” 

“Do I have time to make a phone call? He won’t be gone when I get back will he?” 

The vet shook her head “I have given him medicine to make him comfortable, he’s sleepy, but he knows you’re here, I can step out while you make the call.” Amelie nodded, and the vet made herself scarce. 

Loosening Basils paw momentarily, Amelie searched her bag for her phone. It was 4pm, meaning it would be 10pm in Thailand, she had to be quick. She went into watts app and found Natalie and pressed call. It took a few moments, but soon enough she heard the all too familiar voice of her best friend “Hey Am, nice to hear from you, how you been? How’s my boy?” It took everything for Amelie not to break down.

“That’s the thing, Nat, you know how his walking has been, I was worried I took him to the vet and…” she explained the situation remaining collected, after all Basil wasn’t hers, no matter how much he meant to her. 

“Look Am, you know I love him, but he’s not mine anymore, he was yours from the day I gave him to you, and you have looked after him so well, you know he loves you, do whatever you think is best, I am not going to begrudge you.”

 “Okay Nat, I just wanted to make sure.” 

“I know, I know, you’ve got this, you are strong now, let me know what happens, love you.” 

Amelie returned the phone back in her bag and not wanting to leave the dog, she went back to holding his paw. The vet reappeared. “Did your phone call go okay?” She asked sympathetically. Amelie tried to smile, but instead her lip gave way, the tissue she had been gripping onto had been rendered useless hours ago, so now trails of her sadness were leaving puddles amongst Basils golden coat “Oh I am sorry buddy, the last thing you need is wet fur, being poorly like this.” She glanced at the vet one last time and in a voice barely audible said 

“if you think putting him to sleep is the kindest thing, do it, do whatever you need to do.” The vet didn’t respond but began making a tray of various complicated items. She handed Amelie a consent paper which she signed before finding the cannula she had inserted upon Basil’s arrival. “This is the medicine, when it’s in it won’t take long, you can stay with him.” 

The doctor, injected the medicine meticulously before reproaching “I will give you some time, I will come back shortly.” She left. Amelie shuffled closer resting her head on Basil’s tummy, she could feel his breathing slowing, his time left on earth inching closer by the second. She wished she could do something to make it better, to save his life, to repay him for what he had done for her, but she knew there was nothing, so she did the only thing she could think of and went back to stroking his golden brown paw, murmuring occasionally “I am here buddy, it’s okay, you can go now.” 

When the vet materialised , he had gone. She confirmed this before comforting Amelie. Before she left, she ruffled his hair for the last time and spoke softly into his floppy ear that was always getting bugs trapped in it “thank you for saving my life.” As she left the vets, she worried for a moment what she would do now, her one and only companion gone, to go back to that empty house all over again, but then she remembered it was different this time, she had her friends back, she had a life now, she was better, Basil had given her a second chance and she couldn’t waste that.