The Twisted Pair

As they spoke, there was a tickling feeling and then a soft flash of heat, a severing, not painful in the moment. Still, she knew it was the end of a part of her. Later she wondered if perhaps it had been the touch of the ghostly hands of the fates gently teasing apart two intertwined destinies.

 The Christmas lights were shining in his eyes, and festive holiday music played in the background of the café. He looked like he was thinking through what he would say. Then, he spoke quietly.

"I’m sorry, Chloe, but it's too much. I know we were never really anything, but this time, I give up," Nathan said, an unusually serious look in his eyes.

"I wish I could find the words to tell you how sorry I am, Nathan. Won’t you please give me another chance? " Chloe asked, giving him the cute and sad look that usually softened him up.

"Chloe, I’m so sorry. I think we had a special connection, but it's over now."

And it was true. Suddenly he wasn't everywhere in her thoughts anymore.

That crazy intensity that made you laugh and cry was simply gone. Instead, she could feel an open gap, like a missing part of her body. A place where you could only play with the empty socket of what used to be. And she wasn't sure whether to be happy to be free from it all or cry from the sudden feeling of deep loss.

"There's just one more thing. I went to see a psychic the other week. I know it's not really a guy thing to do. Anyway, I didn't even mention you at all, but she told me something. She told me I was part of a twisted pair."

"What's that, Nathan?" Chloe asked in a small voice, still reeling from the shock.

"She put me under hypnosis, and I saw some of my memories from our past life together."

"Wait, this sounds interesting."

"I'm sorry Chloe, but you never realized that we were supposed to help each other adjust."

"Wha- What do you mean by adjust, Nathan? Can't we just talk it over?"

"I don't feel like talking anymore. Goodbye, Chloe," Nathan said and he simply got up and left. As she stared at his back, she realized that she admired him for his dignity and resoluteness at that moment.

Nathan had never been the type of man she had imagined falling for. But it had been undeniable how connected and in tune the two of them had been. To tell the truth, she had wanted to shut it off and share the same connection with someone else, but it just didn't work that way. Now she found herself missing him more than she thought she would. She texted him a few times, but he didn’t respond.

Then, for the next several weeks, and because of what he had said, she became obsessed with seeing psychics. But, disappointingly, none of them knew what she meant. They read her palms, or proclaimed things about the alignment of the planets at her birth. She was about to give up. Then, she gave it one more try and she went to Sofia's.

There was a weather-worn sign of a star and a hand in front of the house, but otherwise there was no other indication that a psychic lived there. It was a single floor house with a big easy porch inviting visitors to come take a break and sit on its tired old outdoor chairs. The storm door didn’t fully close and its mosquito netting was coming off at the edges. Chloe rang the small grey doorbell, and a middle-aged woman with short ginger-colored hair and a kind smile appeared behind the door.

"Oh, I see you're the other end of that twisted pair, aren't you?" she said, opening the door for her.

"How did you know that?" Chloe asked in surprise.

"It’s obvious if you know how to look. Sometimes, lovers can meet over and over again across many lifetimes. What happened this time is even rarer. It's showing so strongly in your aura," Sofia said, and then she motioned for Chloe to come in. "But come, it’ll be easier for you to see and feel everything under hypnosis."

"Okay, I'll do it," Chloe said with determination.

Sofia pointed to her long and comfortable-looking leather couch. Then, as Chloe lay down on it, she lit some incense sticks and brought a variety of colored crystals all around her.

“These will help focus your energy,” Sofia said gently. Her voice was so calming that Chloe felt her eyes start to close already.

Still, she couldn’t help but smile at these preparations, and doubt crept into her mind. But Sofia kept speaking to her softly, drawing her further and further into a trance-like state, and telling her that she would soon see her past life.

Chloe closed her eyes.

When she opened them back up, she was a he! Yet, it felt as though it had always been this way. The memories burst out like awkward explosions of feelings, and she instantly remembered what it was like to have been a man.

He had been nervous about his first uncertain grey days as a college freshman without a clear goal in life. But the colors of the world had immediately taken shape when he had first met her. How wonderful the hand of providence that had placed her there near the entrance of the lecture hall! She had cut a slender, perhaps too thin, but lovely figure. Her face had been beaming, and her brilliant aura had radiated endless possibilities of their future together, seemingly bending light and space around her. Any obstacles between them, he would have torn down mercilessly. In fact, she had been exchanging a few words with another young man. But he had shamelessly butted in with such confidence that the other young man had bowed out immediately.

"Hi, I'm James. I'm sorry to interrupt, but you're really attractive, and I felt I just had to talk to you," he said.

She giggled, and there was kindness in her eyes as she returned his genuine interest. "Hi there, James, and thank you! I'm Samantha. It's very nice to meet you."

And as their conversation flowed, it felt like the universe had opened up for him. They could feel a shade of envy from many of the other students around them, but they didn’t care. They floated up on top of it! Instantly they had become fast lovers, completely inseparable.

A few exuberant and endless months later, he remembered himself in the bedroom with Samantha. They had thought about waiting for marriage, but they couldn’t wait any longer. How beautiful and shy she had looked, and how filled with caring and intimacy their first time had been. After that, it all had been a blur. They had cared for each other in every little way during their lifelong romance. It was in all the little things, in the grilled cheese sandwiches she would cook for him, the romantic dates he planned, learning the waltz together, and the way they had always looked after each other’s best interests. Amidst it all, standing out like the brightest stars in the sky, were her tears of joy like diamond drops adorning her contented and hopeful smile as he lifted her wedding veil. Then he saw them having children and growing old together in a home they had filled with love.

He was close the end now. Very close. James saw Samantha's face, older now but still looking so beautiful as she tended to him and tirelessly helped to lessen his pain. He saw how tenderly she took care of his poor, disabled body. Then finally, she was watching over him on his deathbed. He remembered her whispering that they would meet again.

"Maybe in another life..."

She didn’t want it to end, but Chloe heard Sofia’s voice gently telling her to wake up. Standing up from the couch, she felt her body with her hands. It was strange how she still felt like James. She knew instinctively that it was one of those things that would fade over time but never entirely go away. And now it all made sense. When she was a child, they had called her a tomboy. She loved slingshots, climbing trees, and playing sports with the boys. And now it all fit together how she had been connected to Nathan so strongly. It was the twisted pair: Nathan was Samantha reborn, and Chloe was James reborn!

Then came the longing, worse than anything. Like a harsh and bleak and lonely night. These were the feelings that she had kept walled up inside of her. Or were they James’s feelings too? It didn’t matter now. That dam was blown wide open, and there rose a bitter flood, threatening to drown her. Immediately she grabbed her phone and shot off half a dozen texts apologizing and explaining how she understood. In her confusion, she called him Samantha, and she begged him to reconsider. But there was no answer at all to her frenzied messages.

Thinking back, she remembered all the times she had taken him for granted. The time she had asked him to help her move soon after she had met him, and he had agreed enthusiastically. Also, the time he had planned her birthday party and invited everyone. He had always cooked for her and her friends during get-togethers. He was always there to listen to how her day had gone and to help ease her troubles. It was to the point of being clingy sometimes, but he always had an intuition for when to back off and give her space. Throughout all that, she had kept him around as a friend only when it was obvious to anyone that he wanted more.

He just wasn’t the kind of man she had seen herself with. And so, the intensity of their connection had been... annoying.

Several times she had belittled him to his face in front of her friends, just for fun and to see how he would react. He had been hurt, but he had forgiven her. Then he finally had gathered up the nerve to set up a one-on-one date. She knew he had been looking forward to it so much, but she hadn’t shown up. And that had only been the start of how she had treated him. After that, she had figured being with other men would be fine, and Nathan would always be there for her as her backup option.

But now she missed him, and the part of her that was James missed Samantha, even as their twisted pair unraveled.

***

Years later, she was in grad school, studying English literature. One day she saw a listing for a special lecture by a visiting scholar in the school of physics. He had gotten his Ph.D. already! She sat in his lecture even though it wasn’t her field, and she knew he had noticed her the moment she stepped into the room. The topic of his lecture was odd but familiar: it was about alternate realities and the nature of time.

Once the lecture was over, he waited patiently for her until all the others had gone. Then, she walked down the steps of the auditorium and kept her gaze fixed on him. It was uncanny how the ghostly image of his past life as Samantha was superimposing itself on reality right before her eyes.

“Nathan, or should I say, Samantha? It’s been a long time,” Chloe said with a bittersweet look in her eyes.

Nathan nodded and gave her a soft smile. "James, it’s nice to see you again too.”

“I’m so curious to know how you've been,” Chloe said.

Nathan's expression was serious and gentle all at once as he spoke. “When I learned about my past life, I realized why certain things were harder for me. But I did eventually break free from it. It’s all behind me now, and I learned how to love my current life."

Her words stumbled over each other awkwardly as she spoke. "Won’t... won't you give me another chance now, Samantha? I saw our past life together, and I miss it every day."

"I'm so sorry, James. I'm happily married now, and there's no going back on what happened. Unfortunately, you don't get un-hit by a truck," he said firmly, but with a deep sadness in his gaze.

“I’m so sorry for breaking your trust, Samantha,” Chloe said, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

Nathan's expression softened, and he walked over and gave her a gentle hug. “I appreciate the apology, James. And I know we will meet again. Maybe in another life.”