Psychology is everywhere!

To embark in a relationship after a whole life of singleness is taking me to write this prompt of introspection of my relationship in the present moment, aided through the lens of psychology and its deeper layers of understanding.

The practice of gratitude is a wonderful thing; it is part of the believe systems all over the world. Deep gratitude is manifesting a dynamic energy and will promote more positive energy for us, around us; that's the general understanding of the energies of gratitude as I understand it. It is also embraced by Psychology within therapeutic practices.

First of all, I find gratitude in the opportunity and challenge that comes with including the masculine into my imbalanced feminine emotional life. Especially, as this masculine side comes from a sincere and honest individual whose base motivation is not merely about sexual favors, as it has been often the case in the past for me.

Then, I have gratitude for finding the appreciation and joy in the expression with words, which can penetrate the heart and lead to meaningful conversations and to more meaning for life in general. That has not always been easy for me with being a visual artist.

Also, I am thankful for my own mature feminine perspective, which I use no longer just to please, but to understand when to please and learn to be thoughtful of two sides of reality, masculine and feminine, side by side, and integrated.

Also, feeling gratitude in helping open up a man's perspective to a fuller and deeper connection to life with his own connection to femininity.

That said, I am getting to realize the whole relationship thing is really an internal journey on both sides. It's all about making room for the other. After first tip-toeing into each other's territory and releasing fears and all preconceived ideas, memories and attitudes, which may be easier done by the female, who already is equipped with space in her body, due to her womb. That means letting him find his space/womb inside himself or help him expand it.

These words are not to encourage serious contemplation, not in the least. As a matter of fact, this relationship thing can be testing our humor and that is a good exercise. Practicing humor has become a daily ritual for me. After he moved in with me out of convenient location reasons in his job, three years ago, he bought his house in the mountains two years ago. Since about a year, he lives there, but comes to stay almost every weekend with me. So we text each other much of the time. He is just a big darling when it comes to helping me in my yard, with my house, and with my business. I love to help him when he needs help with his house. I considered this a true relationship/friendship right from the start, as our inner connections and values resonated for us, that I had not found in many men I have dated before.

But I need to guard my time to have enough left to keep my business going. I also let him know the work I don't want to do, just so he knows. So he texted the other day, after he had spent several days with me on a house project of mine, but it rubbed me a little the wrong way. He asked me just like that: When are you coming to help me? I had to step back, thinking, why do I feel this way? My female feelings were a little hurt, I'd really like the extra merit of being able to offer my help. More romantic, or just my hypersensitive reaction? Even though it is understood between us that we help each other. Knowing that he wanted to paint his house, I texted back: “What is it you want help with, like wielding the paint brush?” It was the best humor I could come up with. Of course, he didn't get the humor, but just added some more things to the to do list. We keep it light usually. But I did get the gist, my Aha

told me, yes, that's the man talking, grown up in a men's world. The buddy type of relationship he is used to. But I am not a man and after his two marriages he has not caught on with the male-female differences and slipped back into buddy/buddy kind of relating. Alright, I see clearly now, that's what we are working on. Creating the female space in you, getting over the fears, the nomenclatures of femaleness.

My Aha moment made me feel grateful all over again. How could we not work this out between us, being already part of the advanced senior group of people in our society. Trust is still waiting outside of the door to come in and it won't go away until you open the door completely. You already have cracked it open, after the four years we have been together.

So I went up to his mountain home, not to wield the paint brush, but for another work he needed help with. In the morning, after we decided what to have for breakfast, I said to him, I would like to have an egg and a conversation for breakfast. I must admit I am very keen on conversations and I always have been, I have always loved conversations with strangers, especially important strangers, like Army Majors and Generals when I was employed in the American Consulate in Germany. Of course, one of the reasons was to test my language skills at the time, but also because I was so curious about their personal lives. Conversation, in general, was my ticket to advance my knowledge in English. The simple awareness that conversation was another form of intercourse, whereas the word intercourse mainly refers to sexual relationship, but the same word is also used for verbal intercourse, just kept me going even more. It rung absolutely true to me, because conversation, especially with strangers, can be a revealing tool, you get to know the person deeply, when you ask the right questions. When you seem just a nice stranger to them, and not an interrogator, they will answer any question willingly and in depth. That may turn out a little different in a personal relationship where many times a defense mechanism is in place.

But this morning, I went to the conversation straight during breakfast, and it turned out very well, as I have applied this tool many times before and never encountered him to be reluctant. This time, he even initiated some issues himself, which he hadn't done before, with the 'I want to be honest ' clause, which issue I was dying to address earlier. So we had a two-way conversation, I could FEEL his whole being, mind, body and soul, involved in this verbal intercourse, after all, he is an engineer. That was a major breakthrough for me, to understand the man I am with better; and for him, he is coming from a place of trust now, without reservation, or holding it in. I am so thankful, we have reached this stage in our partnership and relationship at this point, because it has been an uphill struggle the last years.

It is interesting to note that conversations are not fleeting moments, conversations take on a life of their own, they stay alive and they become memories, they are memorable events in peoples' lives.

The content of it alone was profound, we brought up relationship issues, like, why are we together? Do we deeply care and are we bonded by our nature-love we both have? The numerous memorable road trips we enjoyed together, do we enjoy more in the future? The music that drew us together at first, do we go dancing regularly, and regardless of how old we get? What is it he wants to do once he gets the work on the house done, the possibilities are endless. We are both childless, which may constitute another bond between us. Most importantly, we agreed not to dwell on past failings and accept our lives as it was and is, and everything that happened, happened for a good reason.

All of it is ingrained in my mind and remains memorable forever, tight up in a bow of gratitude.

With my C.G. Jung psychological back ground, I have learned that the male and female emotional body is inherent in both of us, we can be both at the same time emotionally. Yet, society trains us to be just what our physical body represents, male or female. That is particularly true for men, who are expected to act masculine, like a man, that training and indoctrination already starts as little boys. Therefore men will have difficulties in later life to show and express emotions, and they will repress the softer feelings often, in our culture. That of course can and will have consequences in their lives, especially marriages.

When he moved in with me three years ago, I became aware about his minimal expression of his feelings about me and our relationship. It left me often unsettled and flustered, thinking to myself 'is this going to work out?' But due to my probing and questioning him over this time, we often engaged in conversations, which opened him up every time just a little. My thinking let me to believe that, eventually, he will be more trusting and accepting.

I have been studying psychology not to become a psychologist or psychiatrist, I have studied it to help myself with my own difficulties from my past, instead of seeking the help from psychiatrists. So I spent the money for my education , instead of psychiatric help. I feel it was the best thing I have done for myself and I feel gratitude, and employ the use of psychology in my life wherever I can, hence: 'Psychology is everywhere!' I knew, I needed psychology and will need it in the future, as I have always attracted friends with problems, or, did I seek them out; am I still seeking out friends with problems?

Just to think, my Federal student loan of $8600 has been forgiven just recently, which is another reason for my gratitude.

I am sure, occasionally, my apprehensive thought about this relationship with my partner 'Is this going to work out?' will return at some point. Nevertheless, for now we are on an up-beat note; shadows have parted and light is streaming into spaces where darkness prevailed.

Life is a process, they say - where will it all go, only the Great Spirit will know.