Mask

I’ve never seen my true self before, I’ve never even seen my real face. This is because I wear a mask, everyone has one, it’s like a uniform we all willingly wear. Nobody wants to reveal their true feelings so the government gave all of us masks. We always look like we are smiling, no matter what’s really underneath. The mask has a modulator that makes our voices always sound happy, this is to not betray any real unwanted emotions. I don’t mind the mask, no one seems to, and if they do, I wouldn’t know. All I’ve ever known is robotic joy, that's all anyone has ever known.

This is how it’s always been.

For me.

For everyone.

The start to my day is no different than it has been since I can remember.

I mechanically go through my routine. Upon waking up I immediately put my mask on. We are all strictly forbidden to look at mirrors without wearing them. Once I finish with my morning routine, I head to school. Same measured steps and same steady pace.

Upon arriving at school I see other students, most of them I don’t know, this is mainly due to the masks. It’s hard to get to know someone if you can’t read them. It’s even harder if they don’t have a face.

The only reason I do recognize them is because of the uniforms they all wear, the uniforms that match the one I’m wearing.

When I enter the school building I meet my best friend. Their my best friend mainly because their my only friend. Like I said, it's hard to get to know people, especially people concealed by masks.

Today I spotted my friend because of the duck socks on their feet. I like that about them, being able to differentiate them through the crowd of masks.

They come up to me and start talking, something about a new movie coming out. I only half pay attention as they go on about it. Then, something catches my attention, it's not what they're saying, but how?

Instead of the regular happy-mechanical voice I’m so used to, my best friend’s voice sounds.. bored? No, that's not right.

They sound tired, really tired.

Before I have time to contemplate the strangeness in my friend's tone, something else catches my attention. There’s a vibration in my pocket. I reach into it to take out my phone, checking the new notification.

“Dear citizen.

Due to technical difficulties on our part the voice system on the masks will be shut off for the remainder of the day.

We do apologize for this inconvenience but do know that the problem is being dealt with as this alert goes off.

You are still required to keep your mask on,

no matter the circumstance.

Again we apologize for the inconvenience.

Please try to enjoy the rest of your day.

ForYourSurvice@MaskInc.Com”

“Wow” I say, turning to my friend.

“That’s never happened before” My friend just shrugs.

“Yea, but it won’t last long” they say. Their voice is bland without the robotic tone. It’s real yet right now holds less emotion than the modulator.

I bid my friend farewell and head off to class. I try to keep the voice nagging at the back of my brain but It’s no use. I keep playing my friend’s voice in my head over and over.

It was real. It wasn’t happy but it was real?

I thought it would be easy to keep my voice happy. Boy was I wrong. Without the robotic voice keeping my tone in check I have to be the one to make sure I sound happy.

Who knew it was so hard to stay happy?

Some students are doing a good job at hiding their voices, others aren’t even trying. Which makes me wonder, is there even a point in trying? Does it matter if I sound unhappy? I truly don’t know.

The masks are still broken when the end of the day finally comes.

I go meet up with my friend who I hadn’t seen since the morning. It’s not that weird hearing the blandness in their tone anymore. I understand it more now, how hard it is to manipulate tones and sound happy when that’s not how you’re truly feeling, I have never had to worry about how I’m feeling might come off to others, not until the voice modulators stopped working.

I start walking closer to my friend but then I see something is wrong, Horribly wrong.

I get closer and I see that there is water leaking down their mask, coming from their eyes. No, not water. Tears.

It may sound stupid but I have never seen or heard someone cry, the masks made sure of that.

I’m not sure what to do so I just stand there, staring, and trying to think of what to say to make this situation better. I don’t know what to do.

But before I can think of something, my friend beats me to it, doing something I’ve never done before and something I never thought I would see.

They take off their mask. They yank it off and send it flying across the hallway.

The motion and act alone leave me stunned and speechless. Luckily, we’re the only ones in the hallway, otherwise I don’t know what would have happened.

When I finally snap out of my shock. I make myself look at my friends face, their real face, not the mask that’s been hiding it.

I’ve seen enough pictures of eyes to know they’re not supposed to be that red and puffy. The pain written across their face isn’t something I’ve ever seen on a mask.

The expression, the anguish, it’s not something that’s ever displayed. It’s not something I’ve ever seen.

This is new to me, and the unknown of it scares me. But it also encourages me.

This is real.

The masks are fake.

Slower than my friend, I do something I never thought I would do.

I remove my mask.

I decide not just to remove my mask, but to see my face. Me and my friend go over to the bathroom mirrors.

I look at my face, all the details and expressions I’ve never seen before, never even realized were there before.

I see the way my nose dips and the color of my eyes. I see the way my eyebrows circle them in a smooth motion.

Seeing my face, the details, my expressions giving hints to my thoughts and feelings gives me a revelation that’s so strong I might fall.

I’ve never seen my true self before, I’ve never even seen my real face.