THE LIGHTHOUSE: RETURN TO HARBOR HAVEN

Home, I'm finally home. After nine years I'm home to heal and reconcile with my mom. I missed my mama so much. I hope she forgives me.

Before I enter my childhood home, I watch my mama sitting on her rocking chair with her eyes closed no doubt thinking about my father. She looks so peaceful.

I finally get enough courage to go inside and face my mama. I walk up to the door, take a couple deep breathes and open the door.

My mama is in the kitchen. I walk to her and stand behind her. I take another couple deep breathes. I say "I'm home mama." My mama slowly turns around. She has a look on her face I can't describe. She rushes to me and gives me a hug.

I hug her back. This feels so good. My mama looks at me. She still looks the same. "I'll go make your favorite cup of tea and we'll talk."

I'm walking around my home. Nothing has changed. My mama always liked things to stay the same. The same paint color, the same furniture, to the pictures in the same place.

I'm drawn to one picture. It's a family picture of me, mama, and dad. I was so young in this picture. Maybe five or six. In the background is the lighthouse my dad wrote to me about.

"That was such an amazing day." I turn to my mama. I go and sit next to her. She puts the tray of tea down on the table. I grab a cup of tea and take a sip. I didn't think I would be this nervous to talk to my mama.

I put the cup of tea back on the table. I can't even look at my mama. My mama takes her hand, puts it under my chin and lifts my head up. Tears begin to come down my face.

My mama wipes my tears away. I wrap my arms around her. I begin to cry. My mama soothes me. I can't stop the tears. I missed my mama so much.

"I'm so sorry mama. I'm so sorry I left and never came home." My mama comforts me. I can't stop the tears. I feel so ashamed that I never came home.

"Look at me my darling daughter. You are home now. That's all that matters. Don't cry no more my love.." I smile and hug my mama once more.

I go up to my room. My face is still a mess. My mama is one special lady, a kind, caring lady. I lost much with her during the last nine years.

I missed out on getting to know my mama more. I missed out on the two of us healing together. I missed out on sharing the memories of dad.

Life gives you a second chance and this is my second chance with my mama. This is my second chance to make things right. This is my second chance to honor my father.

I want to get to know my mama better. When I went back to the past, I saw my mama as a different person. I want to know all about it. There are so many things I want to ask my mama. I hope she will give the answers I want.

My room looks the same. The picture of me and my two best friends are still in the same place, on top of my dresser next to a picture of me and my dad. Next to those pictures is a picture of me and my mom.

I grab the picture of me and my dad. Look at me and my toothy grin. I looked so adorable in this picture. I look more closely at the picture.

The lighthouse is in the background. How come I don't remember this picture? Tears begin to come down my face. Memories of my father are non-existent. I feel like the worst daughter in the world.

I put the picture back on the dresser. I begin to unpack my bags. The last thin I take out is the letter from my dad. How am I going to explain this to mama?

I re-read the letter. My dad wanted me to be happy and to have purpose in life. He also wanted me to find my way back home. Well daddy, I have found my way home.

One thing I will not understand is why my dad was taken from me and my mama. In time when me and my mama's relationship is strong I will understand.

I put the letter in my dresser. I pick up the picture of me and my two best friends, Olivia and Emery. The three of us were as close as sisters. I feel guilty that I pushed them out of my life.

They felt the same pain I felt when I lost my dad. Instead of leaning on them, I pushed them away. What kind of friend does that? I wanted to call them so many times during the last nine years. I chickened out all the time. I'm going to make it up to them.

I finish unpacking. I go back downstairs. I see my mama on the couch looking at the family album. I go and sit next to her.

We sit in silence looking at the photos. I see a photo of my parents on board the Heart of Diamond in their younger years. I see photos of me when I was young. Some I remember. Others I don't. The lighthouse especially.

I get up from the couch. I look out the window. The sun is shining brightly over Harbor Haven. How do I begin this conversation?

I turn to my mom. I tell her "Mama, we have to talk." She nods. I go and sit next to her. I take a couple deep breathes. I beginning talking.

First, I tell my mama about the letter. I don't want to show her the letter yet. I want to see her reaction first.

So, I told my mama about the letter. Now I'm waiting for her reaction. She stares at me for what seems like hours. I reach for her hand but she doesn't take it. She gets up from the couch. "Mama." I say.

"I want to read the letter." I nod. I go up to my dresser. I open it and grab the letter. I go back downstairs and give the letter to my mama.

She begins to read the letter. I see tears coming down her face. Then I see a smile on her face. My mama turns to me. She tells me "This is who your father was."

"I don't understand." I tell my mama. She motions for me to sit down. I face her and she tells me.

"Your father was a special man. He accepted me for who I was. He was brave and caring. He made sure I was loved and you were loved. Every time he went out to sea, he always told me make sure my girl is safe."

"Make sure Jaylen knows I love her and make sure she does good in her life. He never knew if he was coming back."

I hug my mama. I tell her I have more to say. So, I tell my mama about my trip to the past. I tell her everything. I stun my mom into silence again.

My mama begins to laugh. "I was the wild child of Harbor Haven. I dressed that way to stick it to my parents because they were so strict. I changed because I was growing up. Your father loved me for me."

The I asked my mom about the lighthouse. I tell her I don't remember the lighthouse. My mom gets up from the couch. She sticks her hand out. I grab her hand. "We're going to the lighthouse."

The drive to the lighthouse takes ten minutes. We pass many of my favorite places like Gina's Ice Cream Shop, Amy's Cafe and of course the bookstore.

There it is looming over Harbor Haven. Wow, it's so beautiful. My mama stops the car. Memories begin to come back. "Ready." I nod.

I get out of the car and begin to walk. I remember running around the lighthouse. My dad trying to catch me.

I remember being on the balcony overlooking the ocean. I remember helping my dad paint the lighthouse. I remember taking pictures with my parents.

I walk to the pier, the breeze brushing against my skin. All the memories are right where they belong in my mind and heart.

I stand at the end of the pier. I close my eyes. The breeze is getting stronger but it feels good brushing against my skin. I tell my dad "Thank you for guiding me home. I will take good care of the lighthouse. I love you daddy.