Find Where You Bloom

My name is Mina. I’m 17 and I’m kind of boring. All I do with my life is sit at home, go to school and my job.

My family is Italian. They are loud and take up a lot of space. It doesn’t leave much room for me, but I don’t mind. I prefer to observe the world around me and take it all in, rather than contribute and disturb it.

I think that’s why I enjoy my job so much. That’s the secret with flowers, you have to let them be, and only contribute when they need it. 

I work at a small flower shop in town called “Let it Bloom”. It’s owned by a tiny little lady named Camilla. She used to own it with her husband, Ed. For 30 years they ran it together until he died of a heart attack 3 years ago.

That was right around the time I began to work for Camilla. I walked into the flower shop on my way home from school one day. Camilla was in the corner, staring at a Hyacinth. I saw a tear rolling down her cheek as she gently held the blossoming flower up. She looked incredibly sad, but like she was reliving her most precious memory. I walked up and asked her if she was alright. She responded with “No, my dear, I’m not. But being surrounded by these blooming beauties is helping.”

She explained to me that the Hyacinth was her husband’s favorite flower and that it symbolized sadness. “I always found that peculiar” she had said, “How could he have so much love for something that symbolized grief?”

She told me the symbolism behind other flowers in the shop. Lilacs are joy, Morning Glories are affection, Hibiscus is beauty, and so are Calla Lilies. She had stories for all of them. A story about a little boy coming in with three quarters to buy a bouquet of roses for a girl in his class. Husbands rushing in at the last minute because they forgot an anniversary. A woman planning a proposal to her boyfriend because he just took too damn long to ask. She liked that woman the most, “She had hutzpah!” she said.

I laughed and cried and reminisced with Camilla. By the end of the day, she had offered me a job, I took it immediately.

I worked Tuesdays and Thursdays after school and almost every Saturday morning. Camilla would play the most serene classical music all day and I would walk around primping the flowers, or I would sit on my stool and read a book. As time went on, I developed an instinct for each flower. I could tell by the smallest curl in a petal that it needed more water, or the slightest droop in a stem that it was time to transfer to a bigger pot. 

Camilla has taught me to understand the flowers and to respect them. They are a beautiful, natural part of this earth that we should never take for granted.

My favorite flower is the Mexican creeping zinnia. It’s kind of funky looking. It’s like a short, oddly spaced sunflowers cousin. I think that’s why I like it so much, it’s close to being typical, but there’s just enough different about it that it’s unique. It’s bright and happy and reminds me that you can be a little different, and still be one the brightest and happiest little things on the planet. It gives me a weird sort of faith in the world every time I look at it.

Camilla’s favorite is the bird of paradise. Talk about funky looking. It’s so oddly shaped and bright. It’s loud, just like my family. But she likes it.

Tonight I’m at home, researching colleges. My parents keep telling me it’s almost time to make a decision. I’ve applied to state schools in an attempt to keep tuition somewhat affordable for them. 

My applications are in, the next step is touring. I have two on my list that I’m serious about. University of Maryland and Bowie State. I’ve been thinking I could study something like botany. My dad thinks that it’s a major that won’t make me any money, but I don’t think that’s the point. Isn’t the point to focus on what you’re passionate about?

My number one choice right now is Bowie. My two best friends, Alice and Izzie, are planning to go there. Alice wants to major in Creative Writing, and Izzie plans to major in Business. I’ve been looking into their Biology program myself. I would be able to take Botany classes through it and it would make my dad happier. I originally wanted to go to University of Maryland because they have more focused programs on plants, but he convinced me that biology would be the safer route because I could apply it in so many different ways later on. “It’s better to keep your options open” he said.

I clicked through the Bowie State website and finalized my tour date for this Saturday at 11AM. Alice and Izzie had texted me earlier in the day, I was going to carpool with them and we were going to check it out together. Camilla agreed to give me the day off. “Education is the most important thing!” she had said when I asked her if it was okay.

Saturday:

*BEEP BEEP* 10:00 AM, Izzie’s mom was right on schedule to pick me up for the tour. 

“Alright mom, I’m leaving!” I shouted through the house before popping out the door. I slid in her SUV with Alice and Izzie. They were in the middle of talking about all the different dorms. Izzie’s mom went to Bowie too, so she told us all the secrets. The best clubs to join and the local pizza place that all the college kids went. We were all practically vibrating with excitement by the time we reached campus. 

It took us all of two minutes to locate our tour group. It was hard to miss all the other excited, wide-eyed teenagers surrounded by their parents who were trying to get them to focus on the courses that were offered rather than the cool spots to hang out. 

During the tour we picked our favorite dorm and decided that we would apply for a triple (that’s a dorm room that houses three students instead of two). If we couldn’t get it, we would draw straws to see who got matched with a random roommate for our first year. By the time we were sophomores we could find off campus housing. Freshman aren’t allowed to live off campus – so we would have to wait for that part of the adventure. 

“This is so exciting!!” Izzie squealed. “I cannot wait to finally get out of that town and make something of ourselves here! We can be brand new people!”

Alice and I jumped up and down with her and we kept chattering away the rest of the tour about all of our grand plans when we were finally able to come here in the Fall. I was so excited to have the chance to reinvent myself. 

Izzie’s mom dropped me off at home around 2 PM. I hadn’t even shut the door before my mom ambushed me. 

“How was the tour??” She asked.

“It was amazing! I’m definitely going there. Izzie, Alice and I are going to apply to stay in a triple and it’s going to be awesome! After our first year we will probably live off campus.”

“That sounds awesome Cricket! I can’t wait to see it” she smiled. “Oh by the way, you got a letter from University of Maryland today. It’s a big envelope, I think you got in!” She jumped up and down and clapped.

“Mom, I just told you, I’ve already made my decision. I’m going to Bowie.” I replied.

“Oh I know, I know” she said “but it never hurts to look! And you could study your plants and flowers more at this place!” 

“But Dad said it’s a better idea to study Biology, and Alice and Izzie already secured their spots at Bowie! We have a plan Mom.”

“Oh, pooh on Dad!” My mom threw her hands in the air “He just wants to make damn sure you are 100% set up for success. But you’ll be successful no matter what you choose. I know it. And it’s only 30 minutes away from Bowie! You could see your friends whenever you want.”

“Yeah, but mom it’s not WITH—“ 

“Oh enough, just open the letter!” She cut me off and thrust the envelope into my hands.

I rolled my eyes and ripped it open. I started to read “Dear Ms. Solano, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to the Fall 2021 semester of incoming students at University of Maryland”

I felt my heart jump. I was excited? It was cool to get into more than one school, but I had already made my decision.

“Let me see!” Mom grabbed the letter “Oh, Cricket, you got in! Let’s go see it next weekend!”

“Mom, I already asked Camilla for this Saturday off, I can’t ask her for two in a row.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. She knows how important it is to pick the right college. I’ll make the appointment and you can talk to her on Tuesday.”

“Fine.” It was going to be a waste of time, I already knew it. But I also knew that my mom wouldn’t let it go until I gave it a fair shot.  

Tuesday:

I walked into the flower shop after school and saw Camilla primping one of the rose bushes in front. 

“Hi Mina! How was school today?”

“It was fine.” I replied “How was business last weekend?”

“It was a little slow. But nice and sunny. The flowers liked it.” She smiled.

“I’m sorry I missed it!”

“Oh, no dear, you had more important things going on! How did you like Bowie?”

“Oh Camilla I loved it!”

I was beaming, I told her all about my plans with Alice and Izzie. We were going to move forward and created new lives, be new people. Camilla was frowning when I got to this part, so I paused.

“Mina honey, why would you want to be a new person? This is the time to be authentically and unapologetically you. Find your people, find those who appreciate you for who you are and what you love.”

This reaction caught me off guard. “Hmm, I hadn’t really thought about it like that.”

Camilla sighed “Well, you do what you want honey. Make that experience the best one you can, you only get to be this age once and when you look back, you’ll only regret the times that you conformed to fit into someone else’s vision.”

Camilla’s words stuck with me. The rest of the week I was going back and forth in my head about the decision I was making. Was I honoring myself and everything that brought me joy in life? Or was I simply going down the path that sounded right because of how loud everyone around me was being?

Saturday:

My mom and I arrived on campus at 9:30 AM. Of course she had to pick the earliest possible tour time. 

We got out of the car and found our group. Our tour guide was a Junior named Katherine who asked us to call her Kat. She showed us typical stuff, the student center, dorm rooms, meal halls, and then we got to the Plant Sciences building and walked into the greenhouse.

The pure energy and beauty of the space surrounded me. So much life and growth in one place. It was overwhelmingly beautiful. Kat was a Plant Sciences major and started talking about all of the professors and how much she loved the program. I was completely in awe as I listened to her speak.

I started walking around the greenhouse and I reached the back corner and saw a familiar little flower. I walk closer and realized it was my favorite flower, the Mexican creeping zinnia. I reached out with one finger and gently held the small blooming flower up. 

Kat suddenly appeared next to me. “It’s a funky little guy, right? I think it’s a cute one, so unique and ready to shine.”

I smiled at her. She could not have been more spot on. I started asking questions about the program. What was it like each day? What were her favorite classes?

As she spoke I realized each one of her days revolved around what I loved so much. Learning how to make sure these beautiful and pure pieces of our earth reach their full potential. And learning about how to protect them. Her days were spent nurturing these “little guys”. Hands always covered in dirt and soul always covered in joy.

On our way home I stared out the window while my mom chatted on and on. Talking about deadlines to secure my spot and when I would need to make a decision. I just kept thinking that I was feeling pulled in the wrong direction. I had already made a promise to my friends. I needed to make sure I had options if I changed my mind. But I felt whole in that greenhouse. I kept going back to Camilla’s words in my head, I needed to be unapologetically me.

The following week:

After a few days and having a long (longer than I was hoping) conversation with my mom, I needed to make my choice. I sat down with Izzie and Alice after school one day and decided to broach the subject. At first they were shocked and disappointed, but as I described the greenhouse to them, I could see their faces change.

“You obviously need to go there Mina.” Izzie assured me “You love this stuff. It’s what speaks to you! And we will be so close, we will see each other all the time.”

“Yeah girl” Alice grabbed my hand “You know you can’t get rid of us!! We love you and want you to do what’s going to make you happy.”

I smiled “Thank you guys, it means a lot.”

Fall:

Last night Izzie, Alice and I had our last night in our hometown together before we went our slightly separate ways. My parents were helping me unpack when I looked into the hallway and saw Kat. 

“Kat! Hi!” I shouted before I had even realized what I had done.

Kat stopped “Oh hey!”

“Hi” I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. “I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Mina. You led my tour group last spring.” 

“I do! Hi Mina!” She walked in and stuck her hand out to shake mine “Welcome to University of Maryland!! So funny that you got placed in this hall, I’m the RA here! We are going to have a fun year together.”

“Definitely!” I replied. Before I knew it I had agreed to attend a mixer in the common room that night. I don’t know what happened to my intense wallflower tendencies. 

As I continued to get to know my classmates and enter my major, I realized that I was doing exactly what Camilla had told me to do. I was happy. I had found my opportunity to bloom.

Four years later:

As I stood with my classmates ready to walk across the stage at my college graduation, I found myself scouring the crowd for my family. I finally found my mom in the crowd, she waved and I could tell she’d been crying. She always gets emotional when I have big milestones. I inspected each of the faces around her and I couldn’t find Camilla. She promised me she would never miss this day. I put it out of my mind and decided I just can’t see her because she’s so short. I walk across the stage and accept my diploma.

After the ceremony I find my family in the crowd and ask where Camilla is. Her face twists again and I see the tears run down her face. “Honey, Camilla passed away this week.”

My stomach drops. I feel my entire body go cold as I take in the shock of my mom’s sentence.

“I don’t understand” is all I can get out. My mom said that Camilla had been sick for the past six months, but she hadn’t wanted to distract me from my studies.

I traveled home with my parents that night and my mom brought me to the flower shop. She had the key, and after I entered, I found out why. There was a note on the counter from Camilla.

Hey Honey,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was sick, and that I couldn’t see you walk across that stage. You are the most incredible young woman I ever had the chance to know, and you have grown and bloomed so much in the past 4 years. I could see it every time you came to visit.

That’s why I’ve decided to leave this store to you. I know you’ll treat it well and do more great things with it than I ever could.

Don’t cry over me, I’m finally back with Ed and I’ll be watching down on you as you do all the great things I knew you were destined to do.

Love your favorite old lady,

Camilla

I clutched the letter to my chest with tears in my eyes and looked to the side. I saw a Bird of Paradise sitting next to a Mexican creeping zinnia. I could feel Camilla with me in that moment. She believed in me, she’s the reason I became who I am, and I couldn’t wait to show her all that I was ready to do. In her memory I would move forward and continue to bloom.