Technomancer 26: A Journey of Growth

August 20 2pm

Masa stared at the empty fields of dry grass from her mother’s car. She played with her braid, resting her arm on the plastic ledge. The heat from the window beat down on her, causing her to break out in a sweat. Beneath them, the road rumbled along, and the car’s gentle vibrations had lulled the child within her to sleep. An hour of silence had passed. It had given her pause and the opportunity to think about the many things bothering her.

At the forefront of her mind was standing before the Monterrey Group’s council. New people had replaced the old when Don Eros executed them. Loretta and Felipe were among the new council. The others she did not know. They could be anyone. People she knew, people she did not know or some of the many people who had hated her for refusing to bend to the will of Mattias.

Could she find the courage to stand before them?

Masa went rigid, tapping her foot nervously. Her breathing quickened, and she reached for her waist, searching for the pistol she no longer carried. She stared at the empty spot, angry at how she was working herself up. No. She needed to be brave. The threat Don Eros posed was very real, and it would only be a matter of time before he found them.

She ran through the points in her mind, thinking of her father’s journal. Page after page containing the coordinates of all the prepper communities and accessible water sources in Mexico and Texas. He had believed the end of society was coming after the last Desert Storm, and it had. The book was still hidden amongst her possessions within Loretta’s tent. The opportunity to head north to San Antonio had come quickly, and she had left it all behind. Was it even there? What would she do without it? Masa began thumping her fingers along the door in succession.

“Calm down,” her mother said, breaking the silence. The older woman held the wheel stiffly, her dark hair bound in a tight bun. Her regular mechanic's jumpsuit was replaced with a dress, and she looked like any other Mexican mother. “All you are going to do is ask them to come with you west and nothing more.”

“But what if they don’t come?” Masa asked.

“Then you can cut your ties and go,” her mother said without emotion. It was so like her. She never formed permanent connections. Was it because she was afraid of being hurt again?

“I don’t want to do this without Loretta.”

Her mother sighed, pursing her lips and scowling at the road before her. Her dark eyes were brimming with anger. Any time Loretta’s name was mentioned, her mother acted like it was a dagger in her side. She wasn’t wrong in her suspicions.

When Masa thought of a mother, she thought of Loretta, the woman who, with her husband, Manuel, had taken her and Leron in and given them a home. Loretta had taught her what it meant to be a woman and fight like one. She had supported her dreams of fighting alongside the men and shown her a way forward if she and Leron had children. Loretta had never discouraged her, only brought hope and offered guidance. Masa smiled and stared out the window as she imagined telling Loretta she had married Leron and was carrying his child. Unlike her real mother, Loretta would be thrilled.

“Then stay,” her mother said, coldly. “I don’t understand it, but if you are so close to these people that they are family, you must work with them. Running is not the only option. The Monterrey Group could fight this Don Eros, you say is after them. We are almost there. You need to decide what you want and fast.”

What did she want? She wanted to return home. The life she wanted for her children was the one she had growing up in the community of preppers. A smile began to form at the corners of her mouth. She wanted to hike with them, work in the fields and live away from the mess that was San Antonio. But, she didn’t want to raise her child alone with strangers either. The last time she had tried to insert herself with a group of strangers, it had not gone well, and they had taken an immediate dislike to her.

No, she had to find a way to ensure the Monterrey Group moved. It was in their best interest. Many of the men had died fighting to get across the border, and those who were left were needed by their wives.

Her thoughts drifted to Leron and how she missed him. He must be out working with the other soldiers in the drone corps. It was almost ironic how they had traded places. He was going to fight, and she was off to speak with the council. She pulled out the cell phone, turned it on and looked at the screen, hoping for a message.

“It’s only been an hour,” her mother said. “He probably has duties he has to see to. If you hear from him, it won’t be until tonight.”

“How do you know?”

“Your grandfather was a soldier,” her mother explained. “Soldiers go for long periods without contacting their families. It’s something you will have to get used to.”

Masa gripped the door handle and felt her nails dig into her skin. It was all she could do to keep from screaming. Her mother never seemed to have anything nice to say about Leron. “Along with what you said about his skin colour?”

“No, that is something I will have to get used to, and I was wrong. I told you I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Why can’t you just accept him?”

“You know why. Still, I will admit he does care for you a lot. He puts your safety first and takes care of you,” her mother said. “Your father once did the same for me. Leron is not that different from your father. He has a passion for what he does. It will – has taken him away from you already.”

“Not forever.”

“It could be forever,” her mother said, her hands tightening on the wheel. “You’re only just married, and tomorrow you could be a widow.”

“Were there any good days with father that you still treasure? Surely there must have been days that made being married to him worth it?”

Her mother frowned. “There were. It makes his running away with you even more painful. I know it's long past and he’s gone. I know I should forgive him, but I…I can’t.” Tears formed at the corners of her mother’s eyes, and the silence returned, filling the vehicle with uncomfortable truths that Masa longed to escape. Every marriage started with joy and hope, and so many ended in pain. She closed her eyes and sent up a prayer for her own marriage.

“I was thinking about what Leron said at breakfast this morning,” her mother said. “Are you afraid that the people of the Monterrey Group won’t come with you? Or of standing before the council and speaking publicly?”

“Both. They need to move. I care about them, and they are in danger.”

“Hmmm…why are you so afraid of public speaking? You’re not afraid to pick arguments with me.”

“I…I don’t know.” Which was a lie. She knew the answer. The thought of being judged terrified her. Standing before people who were more intelligent than her and arguing her point caused a deep pit to form in her stomach. What if they asked her a question and she didn’t have the right answer? What if one of them grew angry and she couldn’t clearly explain?

“Masa?”

“I said I don’t know. Fine. I hate that they might judge me, or I won’t be prepared to respond.” She sighed, beating the window with her fist and saw how angry her reflection was. Her dark eyes matched those of her mothers. They were so alike. “Leron could speak with them like friends. He could just walk in and discuss the most serious topics like they were nothing. The last time I went to stand before the council, I chickened out, and Leron had to step in for me. They persuaded him to take their side. He accepted it and moved on. I…I couldn’t. I would have yelled at them and told them they were being stupid.”

“And your emotion might have motivated them,” her mother said. “I think that is the point Leron was trying to make. Practice with me. Pretend I am the council.”

“Okay…” Masa said. She took a deep breath and began listing off her points. She expressed her emotions, sharing the want and need for the safety of the Monterrey groups. They deserved to build a new world of their own.

“That wasn’t too bad. Do it again.”

“No.”

“How important is this? Do you want to save these people?”

“More than anything.”

“Do it again.”

For the rest of the drive, Masa continued to practice. Over and over until the words came naturally to her, flowing from her mouth clear and strong.

“Good,” her mother said, pulling off the highway. “Do it like that and you will have anyone convinced. Don’t forget to stand tall and look them in the eye. I'm proud of you.”

Joy flooded through Masa, and confidence followed. She could do this. With a laugh, she lunged towards her mother and embraced her. She pulled back, horrified at what she had done. Had she really just hugged her mother like a little girl?

Her mother smiled. The cold eyes from before softened and warmed. Even her posture changed as she relaxed, and a tear of joy escaped her eyes. "We're here."

The Monterrey group appeared in the distance across the fields on what was once an old farm. The tents that had once resided there were now replaced by buildings. Masa’s heart sank. In the time she had been gone, they had settled in. This was going to be a difficult fight.

“If you can’t convince them,” her mother said. “I will go out west with you. I won’t let you be alone. God, I could really go for a smoke."

"Will you?"

"No. I am giving it up. I want to be a good Abuela."

Masa stared at her mother, wondering at the changes she was seeing happening before her. Tears filled her eyes, and she reached for her mother’s hand, holding it tightly. It was the first time since reconnecting with her that her mother had felt like one. A supporter. A guide. And a base of strength should things go wrong. A smile escaped from her mouth. She switched to English, her mother's native language. “Thanks….Mom.”