And Guest

"Don't forget my fan brush this time," Brian yelled to his assistant. He planned to pack his own tools but he's been stuck on the toilet since before the sun was in the sky. Brian "BA" Amaranth- ARTIST- has an audition. When he auditions, he suffers from diarrhea. 

"Sorry, sorry, so sorry," An overweight, graying, chaotic woman opened the door to BA's townhouse. "Sorry, did you say something?" Jade didn't know about Brian's nervousness. Today was only the third audition that she would assist him. "Hello? Hola? Bonjour?" She called out. "Marco? Come out, come out wherever you are. The sun'll come out tomorrow."   

She was forced to hurry around. She was late. She overslept. She was still wearing the pajama pants that she slept in last night. I love you boo, she said to herself. Jade quickly stumbled into Brian's guest bedroom. Every brush, every tube, and every palette had to be stuffed into two backpacks. But first she had to prepare a canvas.

Brian frantically opened the door to his studio, "What are you doing?" Jade was sitting down, catching her breath. Immediately she stood and burst out, "I brushed the "Jesso" over the canvas- just like you said." 

He snapped "for the millionth time it is not Jesso, it is gesso- with a G, we are behind schedule, a sense of urgency is required. Stop sitting around." 

Jade curtseyed, "Yes sir." 

"Just have everything ready by 12:30."

Jade struggled with loading the three large tote bags into the driverless car. A tablet inside the Waymo said "Rembrandt and guest will arrive at the Jadu hotel at 12:38 PM."

"Sorry I forgot; What time are we meeting?"

"I am meeting him in the lobby at 1300 hours. You will unload and set-up in the ballroom." 

The ballroom was smaller than she imagined. The pressure caused Jade to cry. Meanwhile she laid out her boss's artwork. Minutes later Brian and a tall guy walked into the ballroom. "Sorry, sorry, so sorry, you are early," she said as she used the back of her hand to dry her nose. "The paints aren't unpacked and set-up the way you like them, Sir."

Tall, dark, and handsome introduced himself and shook her snotty hand. "Hi. I am the gatekeeper- Michael." He said with a tight smile and a shy laugh, "You're good, we have three hours." 

"Mr. Amaranth, let us get started." Brian and Michael faced each other sitting in mismatched chairs. Jade watched Michael open an iPad with the iconic oval sticker- ANA. 

To her surprise BA was wearing a beret, where did that come from? 

"Let us start with why do you want to be America's Next Artist?" 

Brian has been preparing for this interview. He tried the serious, all-business route, goofy-bartender route, and humble-artist type until ultimately, he settled on a playful-flirtatious vibe. 

"Geez Mickey, I thought you promised to go easy on me, take me on a date first." BA winked as he answered.

Michael stiffened then yawned. 

"Oh girl, lighten up. Look around, do you like my work? Qu'est-ce que vous en pensez?" 

Bored, Michael lifted his left wrist, tapped the watch face.  

Jade saw Daddy Long Legs yawn a second time. She couldn't hear what was being said. 

"Do you think I want to be here- interviewing you?" Michael asked, "because I don't." He explained that he didn't have any interest in art or in common, desperate wannabes wearing a beret, gesturing to Brian's head. 

"When I took this job, I was promised no weekends- Monday thru Friday only, yet, here I am on a Sunday when I'd rather be watching the game. So, talk, don't talk, it is up to you. I don't care." He folded the cover over closing the iPad. 

Nobody said anything. 

After a few minutes of silence Jade kicked the wooden easel over. The loud thud seemed to break the tension. "Sorry, sorry, so sorry" She offered while struggling to turn it upright. The wooden easel was too heavy for her alone. "Alakazam," she shouted as if the spell might magically force it upright. 

Fortunately, BA walked over to help her with the easel. He whispered, "Is the paint set up in the order I require?" She nodded. 

The two men agreed it best to fast-forward to the next phase of the audition- Performance. "Michael, I do apologize. Perhaps if you explain it to your boss, maybe they will sympathize with your Sunday…. um, needs. I call this, "After the Game." 

Brian picked up his flat brush and painted in the blue hues of the sky, and the green/ brown hues of the ground. In a little over 20 minutes, he scattered small black spheres topped with white, then in the center he outlined a stick-man in a celebratory stance, "C'est moi. A self-portrait- if you like…"

As if to indicate completion with a flourish he signed "BA '' at the bottom. 

Michael asked one question, "Why are the footballs that color?" 

In his most confident voice BA answered, "Art is subjective." 

Jade knew why the footballs were that color. It was Jade who messed up, she was responsible for the color order on his palette. Brian has been colorblind all his life, all he can see are gray tones. Oops!

Michael needed a smoke. “Let us take a 15-minute break. We will debrief at the table in the corner."

Michael scored Brian's audition. First the contestant application. Nothing stands out about him. He is not married, no children, born in Pennsylvania, blah, blah, blah. Favorite Movie- The Wizard of Oz. His Performance was- Unoriginal. He gave him a one out of ten.  

Brian hurriedly walked to the bathroom squeezing his butt cheeks... Another failed audition, the voices in his head are beating him up. You are a loser. You look stupid wearing a beret. I know Jade purposely placed the paint colors in the wrong order. 

Jade started to clean up the room. Did BA believe that she set him up to fail? Is he going to fire me? But I need this job for money and food and pound cake. I wonder if Michael is bald everywhere, ew armpit hair. Is he single? If I Were a Rich Man- Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. 

"Do you want a piece of gum?" Michael offered Jade as he walked past her. 

He hesitated before addressing Brian, "This is where the road ends, however, there is interest in Jade, your assistant."

Brian, not surprised, removed his beret, "Jade is not an artist."

"The network would like for her to complete an application. I have scheduled a rehearsal for tomorrow. "Can you make that happen?" He asked in a way that seemed less like a question and more like an order. 

When Jade returned to the ballroom, she was chewing a huge wad of gum, like a nine-year-old. She was messy and confused, but for the first time BA saw her, actually saw her. "Yes, I can make that happen." 

Brian is now Jade's "and other."

Michael can be seen every Sunday supporting his favorite team.