THE PATH ALMOST FOLLOWED

THE PATH ALMOST TAKEN

I don't usually walk at night, well, not this late after dark but I have a reason to walk tonight. This is no time for a car ride. And I am recording my thoughts because well, maybe someone (I really don't know who) might be interested in hearing why I did what I am about to do. And it‘s   too late to tell me I am being impulsive, headstrong. It’s much too late for that. By the time you will hear this, whoever you are. Maybe you’re just a morbid bystander, maybe a friend (if I have any left) anyway, it will be over.

You, dear friend or bystander, might as well listen to my story.  It might make you sad, or thoughtful or for all I know, maybe you will just think what a complete fool I am. Maybe you will just laugh at me. Well you can't hurt me now; no one can, not anymore.

Was I a fool? Take a minute and listen. What have you got to lose? I'm the loser. Maybe you would have done what I am about to do if you were me. 

It's getting dark, really dark. And cold. Hardly any traffic at this hour...the woods are up ahead. And there are no lights in there! I'll just have to push my way through the underbrush and get past the stone fence and start heading down toward the pond. Maybe it’s a mile or so. I've never been down here after dark. I can hear you saying, you dummy, you don't even have a good pair of sneakers or hiking boots on. Trust me, it doesn't matter. Not anymore.

People say they see bobcats here sometimes, maybe even a bear. There are some NO LOITERING sign but do you think I care anymore about do's and don'ts. Well, I don't. That is all behind me now.

I don’t have to have any secrets anymore, so I'll tell you the whole story, whoever you are that is listening. Sorry, mom and dad, if you are listening to this. 

Wow, it is muddy down here. I don't think I have been to the pond at night since I was in high school. Sheryl and I went here once. We had a picnic. We even went swimming and had a water balloon fight like we were still in grade school!  Well, there won’t be any more picnics with her or without her. That’s over.

Yes, this is It's about Sheryl. Sheryl, you were my whole life. But that's all past. I got your message after that last fight. You weren’t there when I got to the apartment but I did what you asked. I took all my things out. It took two trips; they are sitting in my car. But I am not sitting in my car. Maybe some homeless person will find my car and steal my stuff.  Do you think I care about a bunch of shirts and shoes and records? I have lost you, Sheryl.  You were all that mattered to me. 

What the hell. There is someone following me. I'll walk faster. I'm not in the mood to be mugged and anyway, he’s wasting his time. I’m not carrying any cash. Why would anybody be out in the woods this late at night?  Certainly not for the same reason I am. I’ll just walk faster, maybe I’ll jog.

About Sheryl. You wouldn’t understand if you didn’t know her. She is not just another girlfriend. She is as sweet as her name sounds. Doesn’t Sheryl make you think of chocolate kisses? She was prom queen that last year in high school. That tells you something about her looks. But it isn’t just her looks, or should I say, wasn’t?  The world is full of cheerful 5 foot blondes; even this town has a few. But none of them are like Sheryl. We met at a football game. Yes, she even likes football! She lost her purse and I walked halfway around the stadium until I found it. She gave me the world’s biggest hug. You think I would ever forget that?   Sheryl took care of my mom on weekends after mom got home from the hospital. And she even tracked down Albertus, our dog, when he got loose during a homecoming parade.   I wanted to marry Sheryl. We were this close to getting engaged. (I’m holding my fingers a half inch apart). It was that serious. I even saved up to buy an engagement ring that she pointed out in the window of Craig’s jewelry shop last month. I figured with a little help and a lot of overtime I could afford it, at least a down payment, but not now. No Sheryl, no ring.

Whoever this creep is behind me is waving now. What does he think, I’m gonna do--stop and shake his hand?  I hope he isn’t a loon carrying a gun or a knife. I’ll pick up the pace. The pond is right down there. Maybe I should have picked a different place. This place makes me think of Sunday mornings when I was a little kid and dad and I used to go fishing!

What happened us? How did I lose her? She said she saw me kissing another girl – not once but twice--but that other girl was nobody--just a girl in the theatre group I’m in. We were rehearsing a scene in my backyard because the auditorium was hosting a blood drive.  We had a big fight. Sheryl cried and blocked me on her phone.  And she said terrible things I won’t repeat. Things that hurt.

Whoever you are listening to me right now, I’m stopping to find just the right size rocks to put in my pockets. I have four pockets, big ones. And oh, yeah, I’m not stupid. I brought a backpack to fill, too. I wish I could just make my mind go blank…..

That creep is running down here, he is opening his arms like he wants to give me a hug!  I’ll threaten him with one of these rocks….Wait, he just took off his hoodie….he has blonde hair, just like……

Sheryl!!!!

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