Lost Love

In Carol’s sleep, she was twirling and laughing. He had such a cute smile. Every Friday night at the town Grange, there was a contra dance. She went every week. This was Jacob's first time at this Grange, though he had been to others and knew how to do it. Jacob eyed her from across the room and asked her to dance. She explained that her “dance card” was full for the next two, but she’d put him down for the third.

Jacob was adorable. He had a big black bush of curly hair, with a red bandanna around his forehead. He wore a faded, yellow Black Dog T-shirt from Martha's Vineyard, red silky shorts and bulky sneakers. The outfit was nerdy, but the smile overcame that detail.

She pointed to his shirt and asked if he liked dogs. He explained about the shirt and the logo and the time he spent in Martha's Vineyard. Then he gave a wry smile as if he were about to tell a joke. 

“I do have a dog, though,” he said. “Her name is Maxi and she’s a Spanish breed—She’s an El Mutto.”

Carol burst out laughing. “That's really funny,” she said. Then the music started and up and down the line they danced, intertwined with others with swings and do-s-do’s. She wore a flowing skirt and when they spun together, it felt as if they were rising above all others on the dance floor.

When the dance was over, they did the usual quick thank you, before running off to find new partners. They both looked back at each other over their shoulders. 

Soon they were together again, spinning at their wedding with their family and friends cheering them on to their favorite song, ‘Runaway’. They liked it because it was a funny memory of their first date when the band (now playing at their wedding), started it slow and they thought they were about to get into a romantic slow dance, but then it sped up and they just laughed and jumped up and down, and went with the flow.

By the time they were married, he had just passed the bar and opened his own practice. His office was one small room in a large building with a tiny window, one desk, one chair and a cardboard box to hold the phone. She had just finished a postgraduate course and landed her first teaching job in the second grade at a school in the next town. 

As Carol lay sleeping in her coma, her sister Liz sat at her bedside, holding her hands. Carol had a smile on her face and she actually looked blissful. What could she be dreaming about? Where was she in that deep brain of hers? "Where are you sis?” she asked quietly. "What's making you so happy in there?” No answer. Just the continuous beeps of the machines and the paging and buzzing in the halls. 

Leaving one hand attached to her sister’s, Liz reached for the Bluetooth speaker by Carol’s head and turned it on. With her free hand, she dug out her phone from her jeans pocket. Eileen Farrell’s arias are her favorite, Bob had said, carrying in the bluetooth speaker the first week. It was now six months. Liz had never heard of Eileen Farrell or Puccini before, but became a fan as the days went on. Such drama! With the music, Liz would imagine a great miraculous movie on the screen, where suddenly her sister would wake up and all would be happily every after. 

Liz sighed and reached behind her to dim the lights and then resumed holding both her sister’s hands and watching her sleep—and smile. At least she doesn’t seem to be in any pain in there. 

Carol continued twirling, this time with her baby girl Alice, and two years later with her son Oliver. Eventually, Liz, fell asleep draped over Carol. 

The next morning, Liz was startled awake by Carol’s body that started to jerk. She looked over and saw that her eyes were open. 

“Carol? Carol! It’s me, Liz! Your sister! Car—“

Carol sat straight up. Frantically, she said, “Its my carpool day! I must’ve fallen asleep! I’ve never done that before!” She grabbed Liz’s arm. “Liz, can you…” and then she stopped short, realizing she didn’t know where she was or why her sister from two states away was there.

Realizing the hospital setting, Carol snapped her gaze back at Liz and asked, “Where's Jacob?”

Liz said, “Uhhh, who?”

“Who?! What do you mean who? You know who. Jacob? My husband?”

“Uhhh,” was all Liz could muster again. 

A nurse came in and briskly went from machine to machine to checking monitors and writing detailed notes.

She came over to Carol to check her vitals. Picking up her wrist, she said, “Hello there. Welcome back!” Then she turned to liz and said, “The doctor has been called and he is on his way.” Carol asked the nurse for a phone to call her husband. 

“Oh, don’t you worry, we called him on his cell instantly. He was in the cafeteria and is on his way up now. He comes every day for breakfast and to see you before work.” 

“You called him on his what?” Carol asked, but the nurse had already dropped the clipboard at the foot of the bed and headed out. She didn’t understand everything, but she definitely heard that Jacob was on his way. 

And then, right on cue, a tall man in jeans, a flannel shirt and a neck tie bolted through the door and ran to Carol’s side. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned in to giver her a kiss. Shocked, she pushed him away as hard a her weak body would let her. 

“Who are you?! You better not be the doctor because that would be so inappropriate.”

Bob looked over at Liz who could only shrug.

. 

The doctor entered. He was a small, young man, who wore an optimistic smile. He picked up the clipboard and read as he approached Carol. Liz and Bob stepped back to give him room. 

“Welcome back, Mrs. Peters. You gave us…”

“I’m not Mrs. Peters,” Carol interrupted. You’ve got the wrong room. I’m 

Mrs. Samuels. Carol Samuels.”

The doctor looked at the clipboard again and then at Bob and Liz. He signaled with his hand to them that he was going to just go with it, for now. Back to Carol he said, “My apologies Mrs, uh,”

“Samuels,”

“Yes, Samuels.”

“What’s wrong with me doctor?”

He explained her accident. A freak one really. She was making the bed and somehow tripped over a sheet and her head hit the edge of the door frame. 

“It’s a good thing Bob was home,” Liz chimed in, “because he heard the thud and came running. All the doctors said his timeliness saved your life!”

“Who’s Bob?” Carol asked, feeling the side her head as if to verify the doctor’s story. 

The doctor checked her over and told everyone her vitals were good, and he’d be back. But first, he pulled Liz and Bob to the side and whispered, “Try not to worry. Memory loss is common after such a blunt to the head. It will probably come back soon, but we’ll need to do more tests. In the mean time, keep her comfortable and see what she does remember.”

“I can’t believe she doesn’t know me!” Bob shout whispered. 

“I know it’s not easy, but for now just go with the flow (her flow, if you know what I mean) and keep her feeling calm. She’s already over-stressed and confused. One day at a time.” He touched Bob’s shoulder and left the room. 

When they returned to Carol’s side, she asked, “So when is Jacob coming? The nurse said he was on his way up. And where are Alice and Oliver? Who’s watching them while I’m here—wait, how long have I been here?”

“Six months,” Bob and Liz said in unison, both reaching in to hold her hands.

“Six months?! Oh my god! My kids— they must be devastated!”

“They are,” Liz said.

“Has anyone been helping Jacob take care of them?”

With that comment, Bob took a deep breath, slammed his hands into his pockets and said, “I need to get some air.”

“Liz, who was that man? Is he a friend of yours and Bill’s, cuz that was pretty creepy the way he tried to kiss me like that.” And then another thought occurred to her. “Liz, Have you been here the whole time? What about your job? What about Bill?”

Liz explained that she was on leave and Bill came weekends. They were staying at Carol and Bob’s house. 

“What? Are you saying that I’m actually married to that man?” 

“Yes.”

“Well, why don’t I remember him? I must still be in my coma. Liz, I need to see Jacob and the kids.”

“I called Jacob and he had court but is coming after. He was surprised you were asking for him.” 

“What? Why? I know we’ve been having problems lately, but I had these dreams and they were real and we were at our wedding and Rabbi Rubin was saying how we were each other’s Beshert—remember that? Why would I toss away my true love over petty fights?” Carol paused, reminiscing in the memory of her dreams. Then she asked Liz, “Did you know that Jacob and I were talking about divorce?”

“Uhh, well, yeah, of course, because..”

“When he gets here, I’m going to tell him about my dreams, of the wedding and us contra dancing together—you remember we used to do that? It’s how we met.”

“Yes, of course, everyone heard those stories.”

Carol lay back smiling, happy with her resolve to restore her marriage. Maybe the coma and the great sleep was a blessing. 

She looked over at liz. “You look tired. I hate to say it, but it’s as if you aged. In this light it looks like you even have gray hair.” Carol closed her eyes and told lIz to take a break. She wanted to be alone when Jacob came. 

Carol dozed and when she awoke, a kind looking middle-aged man was sitting by her bedside in a tweed jacket and a turtle neck. This man dresses just like Jacob, she thought. Then he smiled and she realized it was him. 

“Jacob!” She took his face in her hands and began to run her fingers through his—gray!? hair. She sat back. “You couldn’t have gotten this gray in six months. Were you that worried sick about me?”

“Uh,” his mouth froze open as she gushed on.

“Awww, You are my Beshert! Remember ‘Runaway?’ I was dreaming about us dancing and our wedding. I think this coma did me wonders because Jacob, I don’t want us to go through with the divorce. Let’s let Alice and Oliver grow up in one home. I can’t even remember what we were fighting about. Did you bring the kids? Are they all right?”

Jacob finally got a word in. “They are fine. Listen, Carol, let’s talk about, uh, the divorce later. Liz really needs to talk to you and while she does, I’ll go and get the kids.”

Liz and Jacob switched places like changing of the guard and Jacob mouthed ‘good luck.”

“What I must have put you all through,” Carol said as Liz took her usual seat. You all look so old, I’m sorry to say.”

“Thanks,” Liz said. She took a deep breath and began. “We are old, Carol. Or at least older than you think.”

“Speak for yourself,” Carol said. 

“No, Carol, listen. I need you to listen and not interrupt.” 

“Okay,” Carol agreed reluctantly. 

Liz explained, “Even though you had only been in a coma for six months, you seemed to have lost fifteen years of memory.” Liz put her finger up to remind Carol not to talk.

Carol sat trance-like, listening to Liz tell her that she and Jacob did go through with he divorce. Fifteen years ago. That they co-parented the kids in separate houses in the same neighborhood. Three years after the divorce, Carol met Bob, a computer specialist who came to her school. They married a year later. The kids adore him, as they do, Ellen, Jacob’s second wife. …

“Jacob’s second wife?!”

“Carol!”

“I’m sorry! I have to interrupt. Did you say Jacob’s second wife?”

Liz took a deep breath. “Yes.”

Carol didn’t know what to think. “Well, where are my kids? What? You’re going to tell me they’re fifteen years older than when I last saw them?”

“Well, that’s the funny part,” Liz said. “They were adults when last you saw them, but you just don’t remember. Do you know how old they are?”

“Of course I remember how old my kids are. How could a mother forget that? Alice is 10 and Oliver is 8.”

Liz held Carol’s hand tight and shook her head no. 

“Carol, Alice is 25. She’s a Blogger for as start-up fashion company called Blossom, and it is blossoming at that! You are, were, well, we are all so proud of her. And Oliver, ever the reader, is in his first year as a High School English Teacher. 

Carol laid back and tears rolled from her eyes. Jacob pinched open the door and asked Liz, “Ready?”

“Ready as ever,” Liz said, and Jacob opened the door to let in two other people. A young chic looking woman walked up to Liz and gave her a big hug, then the young man, in khakis and and a short sleeve man-tailored shirt and a loose tie followed suit. This man and woman both turned toward Carol with tears in their eyes and said, “Mom!”

“Oh my god!” Carol said. This is a dream. It’s what the mothers talk about all the time—what will my child look like as an adult. And I get to see it! Here, in my dream! You are both so gorgeous! C’mon, lean in for kisses This is hysterical!”

Alice and Oliver both grabbed chairs and told about their lives and all the times she was there that she can’t remember. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll bring pictures. Alice said. “You’ll remember everything soon, don’t you worry.”

Just then, Bob came back in and Alice and Oliver stood to hug him hello. 

Carol looked on from the bed horrified. After the kids went back to their seats, Bob looked at Carol, shrugged and smiled, “Remember me yet?”

“No, she said slowly, turning her head from Alice to Oliver. “He’s part of the dream,” she said to them. 

“Mom,” Oliver said. “It’s Bob, your husband.

Jacob walked in and the kids blew him a kiss, “Hi dad,” they said. Behind Jacob a woman followed. The kids blew kisses to her too and said, “Hi Ellen.” 

Then everyone began chatting around and over Carol as if she wasn’t even there, each telling of their joy that that she woke up and their confusion about her memory. Everyone seemed as happy as if they should all be holding glasses of champagne. Carol was not happy. 

She started to breath heavily, and then pant. Her voice squeaked out, “Stop!”

Everyone looked at her and froze. 

“Can I please have some time alone with Jacob?”

They all exchanged and glances and said, sure, sure, placing their hands on his shoulder as they left. Ellen kissed lightly him lightly on the lips and then walked out the door. 

Jacob turned to Carol. 

“Jacob, please sit with me and take my hands." He did so.  “That woman, is she really your wife?”

“Yes,” he said, “We got married a few years after you and Bob. And you two get along really well.”

“ I don’t know her,” Carol said. And I don’t know Bob!” Carol looked imploringly at Jacob. “I know you. I want the comfort of sleeping with you back—before we started fighting. I want to go home, and start over—the four of us.”

“Carol,” Jacob said carefully. “We can’t erase fifteen years. The kids are grownups now. And you have been there for all of it.—birthdays, graduations. This is so bizarre that you don’t remember.”

“I don’t even remember us ever really separating. We just talked about it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Carol. Only the doctors can explain it, I guess.” 

Maybe your memory will come back soon. At least you know who all of us are.” 

“Except Bob.” 

“Bob is your husband and he loves you very much. I bet as soon as you get home, it will all come back to you.” 

A month later, Carol sat on the back porch of her and Bob’s home. Despite the photos all over the house of them at their wedding and trips they took and events with the kids and friends, she could not remember any of her life after 1997. Bob came out with two Heinekens and kissed her on the cheek. The fact that she liked Heineken she could remember, but her honeymoon with Bob, she could not. And his soft kiss on her cheek was rather nice, and Bob was very nice too, and charming. She enjoyed his company, but she still couldn’t imagine intimacy with anyone but Jacob. 

Bob’s phone rang from inside the house—cell phones were everywhere. Apparently, Carol had her own but she had no interest in it presently. She used to be glued to it, according to Bob. 

She heard Bob laugh and and his voice fade away as he went deeper into the house with whoever called. Carol took a sip of beer and then reached into her back pocket, and pulled out a wedding photo of her and Jacob. 

That smile. It was all she could remember at the moment, and that was enough to keep her steady—for now.