The Balance Between In and Decisive

“Damnit Ethan, just pick a coffee!” Sean said. I had been standing in the line of a Starbucks for longer than I’d like to admit. “I swear you do this just to spite me,” He says under his breath.

“I Know Sean but what if I get one I don’t like and I waste your money?” 

“You’re already wasting my time so just pick a coffee before I pick one for you.”

“Well see that’s another thing because what if the tea is actually good too and I just-”

“He’ll take some water and I’ll take a coffee with one cream and five sugars.” Sean cut me off to tell the barista our orders.

“Mkay that’ll be 5.65,” The barista told Sean.

“Here you go,” Sean said, handing her the money.

“Have a nice day!” 

“You too” Sean then picked a table for him and Ethan to sit at. We sat down at the table near the front of the store with a view of the street out of the window. “So, I brought you here to bring you some news,” Sean told me. My head instantly became worried about possible causes for the news. Is he moving, struggling with addiction, dying?? 

“What about?” I ask concerned

“Well, you remember Signe right?” Signe is Sean's current girlfriend, I’ve met her before and she was actually pretty nice. She's almost as impulsive as Sean so they work well together. 

“Of course, is she alright?”

“Yes yes she’s fine, but I recently asked her to marry me. She said yes.” I was shocked by Seans' words. They work well together, sure but they just met 3 months ago. 

“Are you sure about this? I can’t help but feel that you guys are moving really fast.” 

“Ethan I’m happy with her, I love her.”

“I’m not doubting that, but you have been known to rush into things and then regret them.”

“Are you saying I’m gonna regret marrying the love of my life? Because I don’t need that negative energy at my wedding!”

“NO! All I’m saying is that you should give these big decisions more thought.”

“I’m not gonna live my life like you Ethan. You're incapable of making a single decision! You’re so worried about having regrets in life that you don’t even live!” 

“Bye Sean.” Leaving that coffee shop was the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life. 

I arrived home feeling awful. Maybe I overreacted, what if I just ruined my relationship with the one person in my life who actually tolerates me because I tried to spread my indecision. I turned on my TV and lied down on the couch. The truth is I envy Sean, his ability to live life without worrying about the consequences. We’ve been friends for years and I feel like I’ve done nothing but weigh him down. What am I going to do now?

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed like right now I write out my options. Seeing them in front of me helps me decide what to do next. 

My options currently are: Call Sean and apologize, get in a nice refreshing shower, or maybe get ready for my friend Mika’s birthday... OMG MIKA'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY. I can’t believe I forgot she’s one of my best friends. How could I forget? Luckily I already got her a gift, it was really easy. She was constantly talking about needing a new keyboard so I got her a really nice one that changes color. The problem is the card.

I have yet to get a card for Mika because I was going to make one myself. Nothing extravagant, just sentimental. Anyway, I don’t have much time considering the time for the party is 8:00 and it's currently 6:00. Mine as well get started.

I sat down at my desk with a piece of paper, a pencil, and some paints. I sketched out visuals of inside jokes on the card that I knew she would love, and by the time I was done, it was 6:45. Perfect now I just have to get in the shower and pick some nice clothes and I’m set. 

I hopped in the warm shower and tried to find a song to play but couldn’t pick one, so I took a silent shower. Then it hit me, I promised Sean I’d take him tonight. He lives out of state and was visiting this week for the party. He flew to Maine to see us so he doesn’t have his car.

I guess I have to call him now. So after the shower, I called Sean. 

“Hey Sean so um, did you still want me to take you tonight.”

“Yeah”

“Are you mad?”

“Well, no. I was just really excited to tell you about me and Signe.” My heart broke with the disappointment in his voice.

“I know Sean and I also called to apologize. It was unfair of me to question your judgment. I’ve seen you two together and I would love to be at the wedding, that is of course if the offer still stands.” I heard him chuckle over the phone.

“Of course it does Ethan.” I felt so relieved. The thing is with Sean I can give as many warnings as possible but he’ll still make the mistake. So if this wedding is a mistake, I’ll gladly be part of it. 

“Ok, I’ll pick you up at like 7:50?”

“Awesome, see you soon.” I hung up and turned to my closet. 

“Now what to wear?” I say to myself. Now I could wear a black shirt black jeans, but what if that’s too much black. A white shirt and black jeans could be good, although what if there’s messy food. I was digging myself in a hole, but then I saw a shirt hidden in my clothes. I pulled it out and it was a gift from Sean. Granted it was when he went on a huge shopping spree and blew all his money at the mall, but I cherish it nonetheless. So I slip it on and look at the time on my phone. 7:30. 

I decide to grab my things, head to my car, and pick up Sean. 

I got inside the car and turned on the radio, but I didn’t like any of the songs so I just turned it off. It was a ten-minute drive to pick up Sean and then 5 to get to Mika’s. We’ll have plenty of time.

I arrive at Sean’s at 7:39. He gets in the car

“Where’s the music?!” He says pulling out his phone and going on Spotify.

``Please not The Living Tombstones,” I say as he’s scrolling through his playlist.

“What I can’t hear you over the sound of The Living Tombstones.” What’re five minutes of Sean’s music

We got to Mika’s place 5 minutes late because of traffic. Which is technically 11 minutes early, but that was 5 more minutes I had to listen to The Living Tombstones. One more minute I would have lost it.

When we arrived I grabbed the present I bought from the back seat and walked to their front door with Sean.

“Hey, you guys! Not surprised Ethan’s the first to show with 11 minutes to spare.” Mika said, opening the door.

“Yeah ok, Mika just be glad we came at all.” Sean joked as we walked in. The place was decorated with party decorations. 

“I have to get a couple of things together but if anyone else shows up can you just let them in?”

“Of course, I’ll keep an eye out,” I said.

“Thank you so much,” Mika said running upstairs.

“Do you know who else is coming?” I asked Sean.

“Uh yes, obviously Lily and Liam is tagging along with her, Xena, Mark, and Amy.” I was glad to hear I knew all these people. Lily was Mika’s girlfriend and Liam is Lily’s best friend. Xena has known Mika for years and just kinda became part of our group. Finally, Mark and Amy were this really sweet couple I met in Improv and introduced to everyone. 

“I’m thinking of telling everyone about me and Signe,” Sean told me. 

“I was hoping so! You know I can’t keep secrets.” 

“Yeah, so when everyone gets here I’ll make an announcement,” Sean said with excitement. 

“That’s awesome man, really.” The amazing thing about that sentence is that I actually meant it.  

“Thank you, and it means the world that I have your support you’re one of my closest friends. I don’t even know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.” 

“Oh please,” I said, brushing him off. “I just hold you back.”

“That’s not true Ethan. The awesome thing about our friendship is that I encourage you to have fun, and then you help me when I have a bit TOO much fun.”

 I chuckled at him. It did make sense though, to live a good life you need balance, and I think me and Sean balance each other out. Even though sometimes we’d rather knock each other out 

A knock came from the door. I got up to see who it was. 

“I brought drinks!” 

“Hey Xena, welcome to the party.”