Forever Locked

Warning: Mental health and death

The cove like reading inlet was quaintly nestled in the west wall near the woods. The snow covered the grounds and the trees glistened amidst the drizzles of frozen beauty falling from the sky. A fire popped in the adjacent family room creating a harmoniously calming white noise, perfect for the evening. Needing to reflect on his day at work, a practice that he did instinctively every night, Josh prepared his tea and set out his evening clothing. Ever since the accident, Josh found that nightly reflection turns his bad days or not so good days into perfect specimens for learning and growth. To his changing room he meticulously proceeded, taking each step in a specific manner so as to not disturb the rest of the house. Within the confines of his changing room, Josh deliberately selected a comfortable shirt, slightly oversized, a pair of sweatpants that were loose fitting, his favorite slippers, and his most preferred and comfortable sweater. Once he was completely rid of his daytime persona, less his memories, Josh continued to the sitting room where his soothing tea had just enough time to cool for sipping sat on the table by his chair.

Today’s events were not very involved or interesting, however, Josh found it necessary to replay each incident to ensure that he was working to his best ability. The day started as usual with him arriving before the first delivery to unlock and prepare for the shipments. The lights were turned on. Alarms were shut off. The locks were opened. The doors were cleared. As he replayed his steps in his mind, Josh mentally checked off each task as being completed and finished with accuracy and proper diligence. Taking a sip of his tea, he concluded that the first steps of his day were done satisfactorily.

It was in the first few moments of the day that were especially important to him. If one step is missed, a catastrophe happens. He concluded that he did not miss a step. It was safe to proceed to the next section of the day.

Warming up the computer to prepare to receive the loads, opening the storage areas where they would eventually be placed, checking the temperature in the special room for the special containers, and let us not forget to start the coffee. One must have coffee to perform at our peek ability.

Round two was solid in his mind. That portion of his morning was completely satisfactory. This was a good day, Josh concluded in his mind. Sipping his tea and watching the snow fall; the warmth of the fire soothed his presence, and his mind was at peace. This combination of daily reflection was the best that he had developed.

Josh had concluded that he could no longer live on the thrills of shortcuts and practical jokes. He was now an adult and needed to act like one. His father was right, everyone was responsible for their own actions, and the day of the accident, Josh was responsible for his. He was not going to let that ever happen again.

As he sat there in his chair, completely at peace. There was a loud noise that changed the atmosphere Josh was enjoying. He could hear shouting and then an alarm. Josh began shaking. He could feel the peace leaving his body. He could feel that day returning. He fell to the floor and cried out …. NOT AGAIN!!!

“Eric, it was a joke.” “It was only a joke” Josh sobbed on the hospital room floor. In his mind, the fateful sounds of that day exploded in tandem.

“JOSH!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!! JOSH!!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!”

On August 4^th, 2000, Josh and Eric were working the early shift.

This would be the day that the company would change forever. This would be the day live in infamy within Josh’s mind. No one would ever forget this day.

Eric had taken Josh under his wing from day one to show him the way of the delivery. It was Eric’s 5^th year at the company, and he had mastered every shortcut known to man to make the job easier. Eric was not above a few minor short cuts to avoid certain protocols that took longer to complete. His philosophy was to work smarter not harder and some of those protocols were not really necessary in his mind. Eric had shown Josh several of his tricks of the trade and Josh had modified a few to make them even “easier.” Eric had cautioned him to be careful, but Josh was a daredevil at heart. As he had watched Eric circumvent different areas in the rules, he had taken it to mean that the rules were not necessary. The two of them had been written up several times for their lack of safety consciousness. However, never were the write ups so bad that the two of them changed their ways. Most of their issues were surrounded by practical jokes and they were usually the butt of the jokes, so where the write ups were done, management never pushed the issues hard.

This particular day, however, the joke had gone too far, too fast, and there was no reversing course. This specific day Eric would be gone forever, and Josh would be forever locked within his mind. Two lives would be lost.

August 4^th, Josh had gotten to the docks early. He had a wonderful surprise waiting for his pal. He had seen it on social media and thought that it would be the perfect prank. He would be king for a long time. Eric would have to work long and hard to top this one. The prank involved a little water, a little sand, some hand stick-um like athletes use and a car battery.

Josh set a small bucket of water above the door so that when opened, it would fall on Eric. The stick-um was placed on the brass door handle. The sand was sprinkled inside and outside the door so as to cause the footing to be loose. On the other side of the door, the car battery was placed slightly behind, and the wires were attached to the doorknob to ‘charge’ it. What was supposed to happen was Eric would come to open up, get his hand stuck on the handle, get a little wet and a hearty jolt causing him to slip on the sand and fall on his butt. Making for a great video. That is what happened on the video Josh watched. Unfortunately, what really happened was Josh applied too much stick-um on the handle, the battery somehow pulled energy off the nearby electrical socket which enhanced the charge and when the electricity and the water met through Eric’s hand, the charge held him in place, and he was electrocuted on live video.

As Josh watched his friend, he was laughing at the spasms and jolts, but then realized that Eric was not letting go or falling like he was supposed to. In complete shock, Josh came out of hiding just to meet, John, the supervisor, at the door who miraculously broke the current to Eric and began to shout at Josh. Tim, the first driver of the day, saw the commotion and jumped out of his truck to help John and call 911. John and Eric began CPR. The paramedics were there in short order, there was trauma shed less than a mile away. Josh stood in shock as he watched everyone perform lifesaving procedures on his friend. Multiple times they called out to Josh to ask what happened and all he could do was stand there and watch. Though extraordinary efforts were made, Eric was gone, and it was Josh’s fault.

At the toning of the paramedics, a local police officer arrived on scene to assist. He attempted to question Josh, but he was lost. When word came back that the doctors had pronounced Eric dead, John told the officer on scene that he wanted Josh off the property. Josh had retreated to a quiet corner. He sat stoically quietly repeating, it was only a joke.

Every time anyone tried to talk to Josh, he was indifferent. Non-responsive. Almost as though he had been electrocuted as well, but still breathing. It was determined that he needed to be taken into custody for his own safety. It was not safe for him to be alone. It was not long before Josh was processed into the St Mary Retreat for evaluation and observation. Though charges were never filed against Josh, it was determined that Josh would never leave St Mary’s because he could no longer communicate or distinguish his memories from reality; they were all the same. He simply walked around his room in precise and meticulous motions recreating what doctors determined was a way to try and keep the accident from happening. His self defense mechanism drew him into his own mind and there he would be forever locked.