Reckless

“Nancy Docherty, there is no way on earth you are going to the fair in that ridiculous outfit.”

I’d whipped my brother Sean’s flat cap and scarf from his wardrobe, and wore a plain black blouse and black pants, with a trench coat over the top to finish off the outfit.

I spoke with unwavering confidence, my eyes gleaming with resolve.

“Just because it is a man’s cap mammy, doesn’t mean I can’t wear it. It looks grand.”

Aware that she was wasting her breath, she sighed and said no more. I was an active child, often playing football with the local boys, which people in 1943 considered unseemly. The war was on in Europe, but Ireland was neutral, so we continued as normal teenagers.

Attending the fair in Dublin was an annual rite of passage for young people. Mammy was not keen on the girls from the family attending, but my brothers assured her they would be in safe hands. She gave way and agreed we could go, but with the proviso we would be home by 10.00pm latest. 

I stuck my chin out like a petulant child when my older brother Sean taunted me. I was likely to be sick if I went on any of the faster fair rides, according to him.

“We know you talk a good story, Nancy, but I reckon you would vomit within ten seconds on the rollercoaster.” 

Sean’s tall figure loomed over me. I sat in the kitchen chair at the table, looking back up at him. He was 6ft 1inch tall with broad shoulders and narrow hips. The local girls gazed at him with starry-eyed admiration, unable to find a flaw. They asked me about his activities, and love life, often saying he was dishy.

Whenever they said that to me, I made faces at them. “He’s got smelly feet, and I can’t think why you are interested in him?” 

They laughed and giggled. “Sure, we are. He’s a dote.” 

Ursula walked in the kitchen saying, “Sean, leave Nancy alone. She’ll be fine.” 

"You always see the good in people, Ursula," he chuckled. “Nancy will be annoying, as usual.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he pretended not to see it. I was fifteen years old, rambunctious, argumentative and a pain in the ass.

Ursula was the family goody two shoes. Her eyes sparkled with kindness, and she did not have an evil bone or malicious thought in her body. Never putting a foot wrong, always doing the right thing, bless her. 

We got ready for the fair. Leonard, my younger brother, stood with his hands on his hips, attempting to assert his authority over me. He was always trying to boss me around, but it never worked. He got frustrated when I took no direct notice of him. 

“Nancy, you will be the death of me,” he said, annoyed when he realised, I had eaten his prized cheese sandwich. 

“Oh, go make yourself another,” I said, not in the slightest bit bothered. Meanwhile, Sean was trying to brush his brown wavy hair in the hall mirror.

“Gimme the brush, Sean. For God’s sake!” and pulled the hairbrush out of his hands. 

“What on earth have you been doing, Sean Docherty? your hair looks like a bird’s nest!”

“Ah, I have just been playing me Gaelic football, Nancy. I’ve made it into the first team. The coach says I have a natural talent.”

My eyes crinkled with laughter, and I said, “More like a natural fool,” as I punched his arm. 

He smiled at me, “Anyone going to the fair you want to get a ride with Nancy?” He gave me a surreptitious wink. I stared at him with a horrified expression. 

“I am not interested in a dumb boy. Anyway, mammy would kill me, and Ursula would tell on me!”

He nodded, laughing, “True enough.” 

Leonard came into the hallway, crumbs from his half-eaten cheese sandwich down his shirt. Sean was tall and lean; Leonard was small and dumpy. His clear blue eyes his redeeming quality.

“What’s the Pong I can smell?”  

His face contorted with annoyance as he responded, “It’s aftershave, Nancy. What’s your problem?”

I laughed like a drain and said, “You are the one who smells like a bunch of flowers. Girls don’t want a man smelling like daffodils. “

“Better than smelling like you,” he retorted.

Sean, frowning at Leonard, said, “Time to go.” 

With wide-eyed excitement, I bounded down the stairs, my feet a blur as I raced downwards. Daddy gave the four of us a lift, reminding Sean and Leonard to watch out for Ursula and me. Sean reassured him we would be fine.

As we approached the fairground, we saw twinkling blue, orange, and white lights, and heard lots of laughter from people, terrified but excited, screaming on the rides. I felt warm even though the weather was cold from being excited and was giddy with anticipation. 

“I smell hot dogs,” said Ursula, her tummy already rumbling. She loved her food. "And Candyfloss."

“Maybe later,” said Sean, his eyes scanning the bustling crowd for familiar faces. “Let’s have a go on the dodgems first!” 

As we approached the dodgems, Sean shouted, “You go in a car with Leonard, and I will go with Ursula,” over the loud, thumping music. 

I grimaced at Leonard, but he clasped my hand and said, “Get ready, Nancy. We must beat all these others to get a dodgem car.”

The dodgems slowed down. I fixed my eye on the blue car with the number three. But Leonard thought differently. 

“Now Nancy!” he shouted as the cars stopped and the riders got out. I tugged him hard towards the blue dodgem car, but he was having none of it. 

“No Nancy, this one.” He pulled me over to a green car with a number five written on the side. We got in it. 

I said, irritated. “Who said you could be the driver?” 

“But I’m the man,” he said, puffing out his cheeks. “Of course, it’s going to be me!”

“My God, you are so annoying.”

“Cut your blarney and let’s look for Sean and Ursula.”

I spotted them in a black dodgem car with the number eighteen peeling off the side. Ursula was driving. 

Sean’s favouritism towards Ursula annoyed me, so I said to Leonard, “Let’s smash them” with an evil glint in my eye and a wicked grin on my face. I must confess, I was not nice to Ursula sometimes, but she was such an easy target! However, not this time, as she screamed in delight bashing and ramming her dodgem car hard into the side of us.

Ursula and Sean lead us around in a merry dance. As we approached them to hit them in the side or the rear, Ursula whipped the steering wheel round. She drove like a racing driver, as if she was driving her whole life. She expertly navigated every turn, and Ursula’s skill astounded me. 

I tried to take over the wheel from Leonard, as I was very impatient. He struggled with me, saying, “Get off, Nancy. You will have your turn.”

Dodgem car after dodgem car knocked into our car and I heard Sean laughing as he saw us getting frustrated. “Isn’t Ursula amazing?” he shouted over the dodgem’s pop music. His comment just infuriated me further. I could not believe her evasion tactics. Her eyes were everywhere.

Our time ran out, and the dodgems slowed down and stopped. “Thanks Leonard, but next time it is my go. You were rubbish.” I stuck my tongue out at him, but he didn't respond, and was very subdued. Ursula’s driving magnificence had bruised his pride and male ego. 

As we got out of the dodgem car, I noticed the Ghost Train ride a short distance away. I wanted Ursula to get onto the Ghost Train to scare her and get my revenge on her for the humiliation she heaped on Leonard and me in the dodgem cars.

Sean spotted his girlfriend, Moira nearby, with long, dark hair and dark eyes, not the usual Irish fair skinned complexion. 

She looked very exotic to us. I thought her name should be Xena or Letitia, not Moira. Sean was very smitten with her. She was beautiful. 

"I'm heading over to see Moira for a little while."

Leonard said, “Sean, you cannot leave me alone with these two. I will die!”

Sean laughed and said, “Stop your bleating, Leonard. I will not be long. I want to ride the Big Wheel with Moira, so we can see the entire fairground from above.

“Canoodle more like.” I said slyly.

Sean winked at me, then said, “Okay all of you, let’s meet back at the Ghost Train in about forty minutes.” 

“Alright,” Ursula said, and Leonard and I nodded our agreement.

Sean dashed off to meet Moira, and I watched him snog the face off her, saying, “He’s going to be longer than forty minutes, you know.” 

“Nah, he knows mammy would have his guts for garters if he left us for too long.” 

“And Ursula would tell on him.” 

Ursula frowned at me but said nothing in reply.

“Okay, you two, let’s see what the Ghost Train is like,” pointing my finger in its general direction. We could hear spooky music, eerie sounds, and actual screams from the riders in the carriages.

Ursula shook her head hard and, frowning, said, “No way, Nancy, I don’t want to go on it.”

Her eyes darted around nervously, taking in the shrieks and shouts that came from the Ghost Train riders.

“Yes, you do Ursula,” I urged her, thinking about how I might make her jump out of her skin with fright.

Her voice rang with determination and anticipation as she uttered, “Nope, I want to go to the Hall of Mirrors.” They can make you appear fat or thin, tall, or small, or as wide as a bus. I find them hilarious.”

“How about roller-skating Ursula?" Said Leonard.

"Every ride seems to be one shilling. Do we have enough money?”

Soon tiring of Ursula’s protestations and, in my usual selfish manner, said to Leonard, “I am going on the Ghost Train. Meet you back here with Sean.” 

Leonard tutted,

"I'll have a go at the roller skating," he shouted to both of us.

As I scurried off, I realised Ursula was trailing behind me, as I knew she would.

“Nancy, I don’t want to do this.” She proclaimed, her voice quivering.

I could see she was nervous, but I chided her, saying. “You are always such a wimp, Ursula. It’s all fun and games, you’ll see!”

We got into the second carriage of the Ghost Train, even though the first carriage was empty. The carriages were old, worn, and rickety. The seats smelled musty and damp.

As we went through the first tunnel, I got restless, stating, “God, why did I pick this? This is for little kids. It’s rubbish.” 

I balanced myself on the edge of the second carriage, feeling the cool metal beneath my hands as I made my way towards the front of the train. It was precarious to move from one carriage to the next whilst the train was moving, but I wasn’t worried.

“This will be so much better,” I shouted over at Ursula.

The bit was between my teeth now. I was going to get to the front of this rickety old train and get the best view of the spooky shadows and eerie ghostly characters.

“Don’t, Nancy,” she called out, her eyes wide with fear, pleading for my safety.

“Don’t do it!” She shouted again.

I stretched over, managing to grab the handrail of the first carriage to hoist myself over. It was usual for me to climb trees, run, and jump around with the local boys. I was athletic and loved a challenge, so this didn't phase me at all.

Ursula always wanting to look after people, followed me. It was the worst thing she could have done. By nature, she was a bookworm, not in the least bit athletic. With a sudden movement, her glasses slipped off the bridge of her nose and disappeared into the hole down between the train tracks. Now she could not see very well at all, compounding the issue.

“Nancy, Nancy,” she shouted, as she teetered on the edge, trying to reach the first carriage, but the ghost train had a sharp bend coming. 

By now I had secured myself onto the front seat of the first carriage and was settling down on its padded seating. The train took a sharp right turn. Ursula lost her grip on the handrail, falling to the left, bypassing my carriage on her way down to the hard ground below.

Facing forwards, I didn’t see it happen, but I heard a bone chilling scream and a loud thump as she hit the floor. The fair ground supervisor, seeing what happened, pressed the emergency stop button, and the ride screeched to a complete stop.

Wondering what was going on, I turned round to see. What I saw will live with me for the rest of my days. My sister lay motionless on the floor, her body twisted at an unnatural angle, limbs tangled in a dishevelled heap. Worse than that, her head was facing the wrong way. 

My brain couldn’t compute the situation. How could it be facing the wrong way? She wasn’t an owl, which could turn its head around in a 360-degree circle? At that precise moment, I realised that the fall broke her neck, and she had died. The silence which followed was deafening.

I was in shock. It did not have to be this way. She did not have to follow me. Why did she follow me? She always followed me everywhere. She was such a nuisance. What was she thinking? Of course, it’s all fun and games.