Cultural Stroke of Gibberish

CHAPTER 1 – WRONG REACTION

Festive events suddenly become dire, as inexperienced friends attempt to uncover the meaning of a cryptic phrase.

Frat House Fright

Within vintage two-story lime green Victorian architecture this Saturday night, sips of beer provide inadequate hydration for the souls within. Music is blasting while a crowd of young adults, generating clammy body heat, dance to retro boy-band tunes.

Entry is by invitation, with attendees bringing appetizers for admittance. An overabundance of cold, under-appreciated Middle Eastern, Asian, and Spanish cuisines cover countertops and tables.

Most college partygoers show off new dance moves while vocalizing the words to songs under flashing lights. Others canoodle within amber isolated cubbyholes.

Meanwhile, in a dimly lit living room corner, the emotional pendulum swings from jocularity to somber concern. Among gaudy and eclectic decorations, a growing group of young men clamor around their new fraternity brother, Ethan.

Charlie asks, “Ethan, buddy, what did you say again?”

    “The imam fainted,” he utters in response while seated on a beer-soaked sofa behind a coffee table covered with snacks.

“Did you guys get that?” Charlie shouts to at least five other students standing around.

    “It sounds like gibberish to me,” Marty replies. “Did he have any drinks?”

“I wasn’t watching.” Charlie sniffs his breath. “I smell beer on him. He’s a sophomore, so he isn’t old enough yet.”

    “If he’s drunk, we should either let him sleep it off or carry him to the shower,” Marty suggests. “It looks like he’s going to puke!”

“Hurry him to the bathroom!” Charlie shouts.

    In there, Ethan retches before getting his head over the toilet. “Bluah!”

“What a mess. Let’s clean this up and carry him back to the sofa,” Charlie urges.

    “If he’s had too much beer, he needs food,” Marty suggests.

“Yeah, maybe he drank on an empty stomach,” Charlie concurs. Back on the sofa, beneath a wall-mounted moose head, he offers. “Here, buddy. Eat this stuffed potato.”

    “The imam fainted,” Ethan utters again while taking a bite before doubling over, grasping his stomach as his head flops to one side.

Looming Medical Concern

The emotions of an early medical student, Samantha, swing from personal pleasure to active concern upon seeing the crowd of worried classmates. She pushes her way through the wide-eyed guys grasping their heads, endeavoring to discover what all the commotion is about.

    The sight of Charlie patting Ethan’s face as if to revive him, prompts her to ask, “Is he all right?”

“He’s not making sense. We think he’s drunk. I just gave him something to eat so he’d have some food in his stomach. Maybe we should get him some coffee.”

    “If he’s drunk, coffee is the worst thing for him. Both alcohol and coffee dehydrate, causing common symptoms of drunkenness. Drinking plain water is better.”

    Marty runs to get water while Samantha checks Ethan’s pulse. “Did he spit up the food?”

“No, well, yes. He did before I gave him some stuffed potato skins.”

    “His pulse is a little thready. What did he say that made you worry?”

“He keeps saying the same thing. Listen. Hey buddy, do you want something to eat?”

    “More the imam fainted,” Ethan mumbles.

“I think he’s trying to say he’s fainting,” Charlie suggests.

    “Well, I’m no expert, but slurred speech can indicate either intoxication or a stroke,” Samantha advises. “We should call emergency services.”

    “He’s too young for a stroke,” Marty responds in shock.

    Samantha stresses, “Strokes can occur within infants. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening, but we should get some medical professionals to make an assessment.”

“If he dies in the frat living room, we might all go to jail! I’m dialing now. You guys clear a path for the gurney and try to clean this place up.” Charlie then shouts to everyone in the house, “Party’s over. We have a man down. Cops are on their way.”

Anxiety robs the festive atmosphere as frat brothers worry about the outcome of a new member. While most who’ve been underage drinking flee, older classmates gather around for more details. Ethan continues mumbling while his head flops like a rag doll.

Urgent Carefulness

Paramedics arrive to check Ethan’s vitals while he repeats “The imam fainted.” An ominous gurney navigates around garbage on the floor from a rapid exodus of partygoers. Emergency medical technicians strap the patient to a gurney and wheel him off.

    Samantha says, “I’ll ride to the hospital with him to make sure he’s all right.”

While sitting in back of the ambulance speeding through intersections with lights flashing, Samantha gets an education in stabilizing a patient. Likely in her career, she will save and lose many patients. Even though she doesn’t have an active part in Ethan’s care, she feels an obligation to see that her friend lives.

    Within the walls of the now eerie frat house, police officers ask the somber crowd, “Who’s in charge of this party?”

“I guess that would be me, sir. My name’s Charlie.”

    “Were you serving alcohol here?” the deep-voice officer asks while looking around at all the red plastic cups on the floor, and smelling the putrid combination of beer, marijuana, incense, and Ethan’s puke.

“Well, yes. It was mostly a senior party, though.”

    “Does anyone know the person the paramedics took away? Is he a senior?”

“His name’s, Ethan Balik,” Charlie responds. “He’s a sophomore — a new member of the fraternity, so not everyone is a senior. No one saw him drinking, but he could have helped himself.”

    “I’ll need as much information as you can provide about him and your contact info as well.”

After completing the report, Charlie locks up the frat house and drives to the hospital with Marty. On Charlie’s conscience, the consequences of Ethan’s illness weigh heavier than the stuffed moose head marking the tragic location.

“As the party organizer, this is my fault for not designating anyone to check ages on identification cards and serve drinks.”

The two commiserate over ramifications of unfavorable outcomes. Unable to find a parking space after looping around several times, Charlie opts for valet service. They run through the automatic doors, heads pivoting back and forth, seeking a familiar face. He embraces Samantha, still waiting in the lobby.

“Any updates?” Charlie asks with nervous perspiration soaking his shirt.

   “Charlie, it’s good you’re here. They administered some medicine to expel the contents of his stomach. Through his mumbling, we couldn’t tell what he consumed. He’s now receiving some intravenous fluids. His parents should be here soon.”

“Are doctors supposed to pump the stomach of someone having a stroke?” Charlie asks with confusion.

    “Apparently the doctors feel it’s something else. Take a deep breath and sit down.”

CHAPTER 2 – RIGHT DIAGNOSIS

After a youthful friend begins repeating a strange phrase at a party, his peers resort to medical intervention. Unlock the mystery behind the obtuse utterance.

Detangling the Enigma

When Mr. and Mrs. Balik arrive, nurses admit them into the patient care area, while classmates remain in the lobby. Everyone stands in expectation of favorable news, but there is no word yet. The group of friends, now numbering fifteen, drink vending machine coffee while trying to cheer Charlie up.

Rapid gurney wheels burst through the emergency room doors every ten minutes. This accentuates the moans of critical patients, heightening the gravity of the group’s collective anticipation.

Gunshot victims covered in blood provide a visceral introduction to the frailty of life. Doubled over walk-in patients awaiting care following triage remind frat members of Ethan’s plight.

“Why won’t anyone tell us what’s happening with Ethan?” Charlie shouts.

    Samantha puts the scenes of anguish in perspective. “Don’t let these patients distract you. Ethan’s situation is different. He’s in good hands.”

After forty minutes that seem like hours, the father exits with words like a scalpel excising malignant tension.

    “Thank you all for being here. Ethan is fine.”

“That’s a relief, Mr. Balik. Did the doctors say what happened?” Samantha asks.

    “There was some confusion. Did you hear him repeat, ‘The imam fainted?’”

“Yes! That’s it exactly,” Charlie exclaims.

    “He was saying it on the hospital bed. Did you have something similar to ‘stuffed potato skins’ at this party? He mentioned hearing those words.”

“Yes, Mr. Balik. Is Ethan allergic to them?”

    “Quite the contrary. His grandmother passed away almost two years ago. Ethan’s favorite Turkish meal is one she used to bake. It’s a combination of eggplant, onion, garlic, and tomatoes. The English transliteration is the imam fainted.”

“That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard,” Charlie reacts.

    The father continues. “The native pronunciation is İmam bayıldı. Apparently, this was at the party, and Ethan gorged himself with them. He was trying to explain that they were not stuffed potato skins.”

“Wow. What a relief.” The words of Ethan’s condition ease the emotional tension like air seeping from an overinflated balloon. “Can we see him now?” Charlie asks.

    “Let him get some rest. He had a little alcohol in his system, which may have some consequences for him — and the host. But there’s no real harm done. Thanks for taking care of him.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Balik.”

    “Certainly. If you can, find out who prepared the İmam bayıldı. It must have been very good for him to eat so much.”

The crowd of supporters all embrace with inverted frowns before going their separate ways back to college dorm rooms. Relief of Ethan’s favorable condition releases them from the barrier to slumber.

When Ethan recovers from dehydration, and being grounded for drinking, fraternity members shout cheers on campus. Charlie affirms that as a frat brother, they are family, so he was by his side the whole time.

“Man, we thought you were drunk or having a stroke,” Charlie explains while the two of them walk on campus between classes.

    “With just one cup of beer, apparently I don’t hold my liquor well. I was mostly sick from eating too much food. Doctors suspected I might have had food poisoning because meals weren’t maintained at an appropriate temperature. We need to go somewhere that serves my culture’s food properly.”

A Cultural Awakening

As Charlie asks around, he discovers that Marty’s girlfriend is from Turkish descent. She’s the one who brought the meal to the party. A group of friends make plans to go to her parent’s home for a full Turkish meal. The day arrives when they are full of exciting anticipation to learn more about the culture.

The warm house with mouth watering aromas has colorful orange, yellow, and blue tapestry on the walls. Complimentary pillows for reclining and eating are on the floor. Background music features the soft melody of a Turkish stringed instrument called a Bağlama.

The hostess in traditional garb, serves spicy chicken kabobs and baba ganoush in bowls with elaborate geometric designs. Diners pass around common vessels from which they scoop up sauce using flatbread.

    Ethan feels right at home in his element. “Can you see why I was so excited to taste the imam fainted at the party?” The young friends laugh when they hear Ethan’s transliteration.

“This is absolutely delicious. You should exercise restraint to keep from ending up back in the hospital though,” Charlie teases. “Why do we eat with our fingers?”

    “The metal flatware alters the flavor of herbs. You’re tasting the recipes in their purest form,” Ethan explains.

Dining comes with an education. The mother of the house mentions that İmam bayıldı is also popular in Greece. She then asks if anyone is old enough to drink wine or Raki, similar to vodka. Everyone declines with much surprise for the offer.

Charlie says, “No thank you. I think we’re all going to lay off the liquor for awhile.”

The Turkish meal draws the youths closer together. They endeavor to learn more about each other’s backgrounds, family, and native dishes. The next home they visit features Japanese sushi. After that, Portuguese francesinha is a special treat. Later, they all get a taste of New Orleans shrimp and grits with crawfish and corn. The frat brothers learn, not just the exquisite flavors, but also some of the exotic names for the meals they consume.

As a more responsible host, Charlie enforces a new rule for attendees of his parties. Those who are underage must wear a colorful sticker and avoid drinking. Ethan is proud to be part of a brotherhood that cares about him.

At the next frat house gathering, they have much more appreciation for the variety of appetizers. In fact, they are able to name them, along with the song lyrics, while maintaining a festive atmosphere, without hospital scares.

The End