The Locked Door

      The door stood there, a silent Sentinel, the one barrier that couldn't be broken. It has always been that way, the one door we were forbidden to open. Like most things in life this would just push me to want to know exactly what was so important, the secret that was held behind that closed portal. My entire childhood was a never-ending plot to pry the door from its hinges and bask in the revealing of the age-old question.

      This wasn't just your regular interior door, this was a special door. The open door was several inches thick. I would sometimes knock on the door and the deep sound that resonated back only reassured me about the Integrity of that door. Once I even tried to pry the hinges off the door with a hammer and a screwdriver. Even the hinges were industrial-strength and could not be pried out. After that failed experiment is when the padlock appeared, just another layer of protection for this impregnable threshold. That was the last time I tried to gain access beyond that door.

      Once I actually try to use an angle grinder to cut through the door. After the lock wouldn't budge, I went after the door itself, and after letting the Sparks Fly for a while I realized the door was a steel door in the center of the token Masterpiece. That one got me in a bit of trouble with the old man, but he never did fix the spot on the door. So I let it go for a while. I figured it wasn't worth it. I couldn't keep getting in trouble chasing down the secrets held behind that door. So I did my best to forget about it, and wouldn't even look at it as I walked by it down the hallway, but it's still sitting there in the back of my mind. That need, that itching feeling, just never would go away. So the years passed, I never lost a need-to-know and that part of me never died that needing to know.

      Life moved on, I still went off to college and the door started to lose its luster. My mind had other things to occupy it and eventually I seemed to lose that itch that had driven me in years past. The classes and continuing education distracted me from the past. So I threw myself into my secondary education, and only on special occasions today or even see that door. Even though I still saw it it was as if the spell had been broken it was finally just a door.

      As Time inevitably marched on, I kept sight of my future as more of my past disappeared. My classes came and went, so did the degrees until I finally graduated and had a great job. I saw less and less of that door, as my relationship with my father became more strained. That's when my father's health started to take a turn and he started a downturn no one expected. So I started showing up more and for the first time in a long time we actually spent time together. It was a welcome change. As if all the ill-will that had been present in our relationship had finally been put away. I don't know if you ever had a relationship like that, believe me it's exhausting. Even though the scars of the pasta linkerd we found a way to put them all aside. So that's how it went for a while until I actually started showing up, eager to see him. Not since I was a small boy have I had that feeling, the feeling of wanting to see my father. For a large part of my life I had run away from that man, but now I was running towards him. These are magical times, we talked about history and movies that we liked. We talked about anything we're talking about and the hours always flew by it as we delighted in each other's company.

      So we pass the days away with him slowly growing more feeble and watching the weakness overtake him. After a couple years past you could now see the toll the illness has taken on him. His eyes ahead once burned with a fire all their own had dulled considerably. His strength has started to fail, for now he needed help getting up and started using a walker to get around. The hardest part was when his cognitive functions began to fade. The  once interesting and fun conversations we had now just evolved into silence. The man I had known, feared and loved Now set before me just a shell of a man who he used to be. 

      Being a good son I still came by and care for him, but it just got harder to be around him. Since he had less and less Mobility I had to hire full-time care for him, so that I could still do my job. I still stopped by when I got the chance, still checked on him in his care. Just Dance what I'm for another year, until he had lost all control and was bedridden. At this time he also lost the ability to speak. You would pass me the occasional note and I would talk about my day or funny things that happen to me, and I would see him smile, but even then it seemed to be a strain on him. He also began feeling great pains as he would now openly moan and I had a feeling it wouldn't be long now. The nurse got a prescription for him for morphine, and that took his pain away. It also turned him into a zombie that would just sleep and lazily look at me.

      It only lasted six months once he was bedridden, he passed after that and I was left to pick through the years and memories of my father's life. Take me to Memories in this way can be bittersweet, it's a time filled with laughter and tears. You remember the good times, the bad times and everything in between it was a very surreal feeling, like they weren't really gone. I just expected him to come around the corner and wake me for my day dream. I didn't wake up though. I was going through his desk in the Dan when I found an envelope with my name on it. It hadn't been written some time ago, based upon the handwriting on the envelope. It was so crisp and elegant he had lost the ability to write like this years ago. So I took the envelope out of the drawer and carefully opened it. Inside was a letter in two keys. I opened up the fold a piece of paper and began to read;

Son, I know that throughout the years we have not always been on the best of terms and you have to believe me when I say that I wish that was different. I know you always had a fascination with that door and in the hallway and I know that you caught a lot of grief over that, but you have to believe me that you couldn't have been ready to open that door yet. So I hope they don't have any hard feelings about that. In the envelope you will find the keys you will need to open that old door. I love you son and wish you the best. Dad

      I sat there for a minute and just soaked it all in. To be honest I hadn't thought about that old lock door in quite some time, but now given this new information and access I couldn't help but feel that old feeling again. I took the two keys and started down the hall almost relieved I could finally put this whole thing to rest, I was finally going to get my answers. So I stood in front of that door as if rooted in the ground, I didn't know how long I stood there. I just looked over the door, almost afraid to finally get the answers I sought when I was younger. I finally got the courage up and found the keys and unlocked the padlock, after pulling off the lock I slowly inserted the key into the door knob. Taking a deep breath I turned the knob and swung the door open. Suddenly it all made sense.