Ruffled with Rainbow Sprinkle

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I didn’t think would ever really come. It didn’t matter to me either way since everyone I know is either divorced or unhappily married. Getting married wasn’t something that I wanted or felt that I needed to do to be happy or have kids for that matter. But here I am the night before feeling the big day feeling anxious, nervous and missing my mom. The thought of walking down the aisle without her by my side and everyone watching me makes me nauseous just thinking about it. It’s been a long day of pre-wedding stuff and I’m exhausted. Alarm is set. Come on Ambien do your thing.

I wake up to a pounding headache and a dog barking as though it hadn’t been feed in weeks. I open my eyes and become instantly confused as to where I am. I this my old room where I grew up? That doesn’t exist anymore because there is a warehouse there now. Ummmm, what is going on? I run to the mirror and I am looking at 17-year-old me. As I touch my face and my awful crazy curly hair, I realize I’m dreaming or I have hit my head so hard I am hallucinating. I think I am going to have a heart attack. I have chest pains. I don’t have time for this.

“Good Morning, sweetheart. You slept late, you need to hurry and get up”. “Mom? What are you doing here? You look so young. When did you die your hair red?”

“Seriously, Lily, you can be so mean. Are you fighting with Dennis again?” I rush to hug her. I don’t know what is going on but I didn’t care, my beautiful mother was standing here with me in my old room. “Lily, what is wrong with you this morning? Hurry up and get ready. You already going to be late for your hair appointment. “My hair appointment? Why are you wearing your prom dress? It’s going to be all wrinkled.” In runs the annoying barking dog jumping all over my dress. I didn’t really care because this the ugliest dress I have ever seen. Cuff puffed sleeves, ruffle trim with an asymmetrical hem and tulle ruffled Trim. It looked as though I had taken a bath in rainbow sprinkles at Hobby Lobby. Mom is yelling at the dog. I hear my brother calling the dog from downstairs, the phone is ringing and someone is at the door. It's utter chaos I change out of my dress as per mom’s request do she can touch it up later and clean off some of the dirt from the dog.

“Mom, I am supposed to be getting married today, not going to the Prom and I haven’t seen Dennis in 10 years and when did we get a dog. “Lily, what is wrong with you this morning? Hurry up and get ready. What’s wrong with my hair? I can do my own hair.” “Lili, Lets' go, you can’t keep changing your mind at. Moment’s notice.” “Ok fine but can we get coffee at Dunkin?” “What’s Dunkin and since when do you drink coffee?”

We drive through town and I am in aww of everything. I have such wonderful memories growing up here. I open the window so I can hear and smell all the things from my childhood and it warms my heart. We drive pass the cemetery where my mom is now buried. It’s so peaceful and smaller than I remember. I look over at my mother as we drive past and I think to myself none of us have any idea that she will suddenly be taken from us without warning. She looks over at me and smiles her beautiful smile. Oh, how I missed this.

A couple hours later my two best friends come over to get ready for the prom. Ironically, they are to be my maids of honor for my wedding which is supposed to be today. Do I tell them what’s going on? They will absolutely think I am nuts. I wouldn’t blame them but I am feeling so overwhelmed by all this. I really don’t want to go back to being a teenager but I also don’t want to end this time with my mom even if it’s just a dream.

Prom came and went so fast. You plan for weeks and then just like that is over. It’s like a trial run for your future wedding day. We spend the night at Caroline’s house laughing and reminiscing about the evening. I tried so hard not to fall asleep just in case my mom wouldn’t be there in the morning when I got home, but I passed out on the couch still in my prom dress.

The next morning, I wake up in my own home, with my own clothes on, on my wedding day. I hustle to get myself ready. I chose to do it alone. I wanted to enjoy the moment. It’s a big day. I wanted to take it all in at my own pace. My Dad I’m sure is waiting for me downstairs. He insisted on staying the night here with me knowing today would be a little hard for me. My bridesmaids started to arrive. Even though I told them not to, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less from them.

In comes Caroline say, “Look what I found in my bedroom closet at my moms house?” I was my hideous rainbow sprinkles prom dress. We all laughed hysterically. Caroline’s daughter, also my flower girl had to see it, she thought it was beautiful. She found a little pin stuck to it and gave it to me. It was a pin of a guardian angel. I knew it was my mothers. I remember her putting it on me just before we left for Prom that night so many years ago. I knew from that moment she was with me in my dream and now on my wedding day. I think I will keep this ruffled with rainbow sprinkles dress.