The Door

Joseph clumsily pushed open the door to his apartment after noisily fiddling with his keys, his arms laden with shopping bags. From outside the hum of traffic and cars seeped through the walls, and he could hear his next-door neighbour shouting at his kids. After closing the front door, he shuffled into the kitchen and put his shopping bags on the counter.

His job – forklift driving – had been stressful this day. He had gone back and forth around the warehouse, frantically shifting pallets around trying to bring some kind of order to the chaos that had accumulated throughout the week. It was a miracle that he had got it all done without anything going wrong. Now all he wanted to do was put it all behind him.

He packed away the meat, eggs and milk into the fridge, and decided he would put away the rest of the shopping into the cupboards after opening a beer and switching the tv on. Once seated with an open can, he flicked to his streaming service, and loaded up the latest episode of his favourite sci-fi show. Mid-way through it, he began to nod off.

-

Opening his eyes, he saw the sombre purple shades of the evening sunset plastered across the sky outside his window. How long had it been? His wristwatch read 7:15. He picked up the empty beer can, and made his way into the kitchen again, throwing it in the wastebin. It was about time he fixed his dinner. After emptying the shopping bags into the cupboard, and taking out some food, he turned on the stove and began to cook.

-

After dinner, he looked at the kitchen. He had already cleaned up most of his mess, so there was not much to do. He decided to sit back down on his armchair, to recollect if there were any more tasks he needed to do for the day.

But as he sat there, he noticed something that unnerved him. A door, one that had never existed before, was fixed in the loungeroom, on the wall that the entry to his apartment was. He stood up, not believing his eyes, and began to walk slowly to it. He saw no lock on it, but when he moved to open it, turning the handle, it would not open.

It was at that moment that he heard a voice. ‘Joseph, listen to me. How long has it been? How long has it been since the days that you were in college, spending your parent’s money to do a course? And did you finish it? You didn’t. And that’s why you’re a forklift driver Joseph. Because your lazy and you get distracted easy. Just imagine, you could have been earning far better money than what you’re earning now as an IT professional. But did you follow through? No, you didn’t. You wasted your time going out with friends and playing computer games. You were too old to be wasting your time on video games, but did that stop you? No. Do you think your parents are proud of you Joseph? Do you think that course was money well spent? Such a waste your life turned out to be Joseph.’

He thumped the door with a closed fist, the source of the voice. He must have hit it hard, because he heard the neighbours kid say noisily, ‘What was that noise, Dada?’ Once again, he tried the door handle, but the door did not open. He felt himself shaking, and his eyes were watery. The voice had subsided, but the damage had been done. His throat felt dry, and he swallowed emptily, a feeling of shame and guilt coming over him.

And then once again, the voice came quietly from the door. ‘You did it once, and you’ll do it again. The next time an opportunity comes your way, you’ll only waste it. You think that now, when it is too late, that it means anything that you’ve stopped wasting your time on video games? Look at you Joseph, falling asleep in front of the TV with a beer, when other people are working hard and accomplishing things. You’re less than mediocre Joseph, you’re a disappointment.’

Then once again, he was left in the resounding silence. Trembling, and feeling hollow, he could no longer face this apparition, and he walked swiftly to his room, buried himself under the covers and hoped that sleep would take him swiftly.

-

The next day when he came out of his room into the lounge room, he saw that the door was gone. He would have investigated more closely, but he was already 5 minutes behind in his morning routine. After showering and eating a bowl of cereal, he left his apartment for work.

-

Work was not as busy as yesterday, but he still felt he was working flat out. When the day was done, he staggered to his car, turned on the radio and drove home, glad to put it all behind him.

The traffic was heavy, and while stuck in front of a huge queue of cars at a red light, he found himself thinking of last night. The words still cut, if he thought about them. He realized, with a shudder, that he was afraid of it happening again.

When he was at the door of his apartment, after parking his car in the carpark beneath the apartment block, he hesitated a moment before going in, but eventually he turned the key and walked into his loungeroom. Turning to look at the wall, he saw with relief that there was no phantom door attached to it. Feeling a swell of confidence, he decided to have an early dinner, and walking to the kitchen, he began to take food out of the cupboards, deciding that he would make a Spaghetti Bolognese.

-

After cleaning up the dinner mess, he opened his fridge and looked apprehensively at the opened six pack of beer sitting there, and remembered the door’s cruel words to him. He defiantly took one, cracked it open and sat on his armchair, drinking from the can. He realized then that he was not completely comfortable, having already had the routine of his life invaded by something unexplainable. It was probably best put out of his mind. He picked up the remote, logged into his streaming service and continued watching his favourite show.

-

When it was time for bed, he brushed his teeth and changed into his pyjamas, then got beneath the covers of his bed and lay there. It was at this moment that he heard the voice again. ‘Joseph, Joseph, Joseph…’ He sat up and looked around, eventually seeing a door that shouldn’t be there, on the right side of his room.

‘You are a waste of oxygen Joseph. In school you never studied, you simply watched as your friends actually put in some effort, and your friend Casey made it into uni. You were in their company sometimes when it was over, but it was clear who was the lesser member of your group. Do you even still keep up with your friends? No, they’ve moved on, and now its just you, alone in your apartment, working a low paid job, not able to save any money. Your life is going nowhere.’

He turned and scrunched the pillow over his head. But still the voice rang clearly in his ears.

‘No friends, a miserable job… You are to be pitied. When your parents pass on you will be alone in the world. And what have you done for them? You don’t have any money to financially support them, in fact you haven’t even spoken to them in six months.’

He lashed the covers off his body and jumped to a standing position, striding over to the door while his thoughts spun circles through his mind. Pressing himself against it he whispered raggedly. ‘What do you want from me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?’

Laughter echoed through his room as the door continued relentlessly. ‘Are you begging me? Do it Joseph, beg me to leave you alone again.’

He realized he was crying. ‘Where do you come from? What are you doing here? And why is it that I see you as a door?’

‘Yes, a door. Do you wonder what’s on the other side of it?’ The handle began to turn.

Joseph took a step back. ‘Wait, what is on the other side? Is the door going to open. I… I don’t think I’m ready.’

The handle stopped turning again, and the heartless laughter continued. ‘Of course you’re not ready Joseph, you never were. Go on, go back to sleep, tomorrow will just be more of the same.’

The door faded, and then disappeared in the twilight of his room. He climbed back in his bed, and feeling his stomach turn and his body cold, curled up into a ball underneath the blanket and sobbed. Eventually, sleep took him.

-

The next day, he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He called in sick. The manager sounded unhappy, but he felt exhausted and raw. There was no sign of the door in the morning, so he poured himself some cereal and ate it despondently. He thought about what had happened last night. Would the door have opened last night if he hadn’t said anything? And what could be on the other side?

He decided that he wanted to confront the door today. Surely it would come again. He got up and began to pace around. Yes, surely it was just a matter of time. His thoughts turned to everything the door had said. Had he really wasted his life? It was hard to face up to, but he found himself thinking that maybe the door was right. But why think about it now? He had made the choices he had made, and there was no way to fix them.

Then he remembered how the door had touched on his relationship with his parents. Had it really been six months since he had spoken to them? Seeing as considerable time had passed, and there was no sign of the phantom door, he decided to call them.

Punching in the number on his smart phone, he listened as the phone began to ring. After 5 rings, his dad picked up the phone. ‘Joseph! It’s been a while, how are you?’

‘I’m good.’ He lied. ‘I’m just taking a day off work, been feeling unwell.’

‘And how is work going?’

‘Oh, you know, it’s the same old thing. I’m keeping up. Forklift driving isn’t that hard.’

‘Well, I couldn’t do it.’ His Dad laughed.

He paused for a moment. ‘Dad, I’m really sorry things worked out this way. You and mom invested so much in me, and this is how it turned out.’

‘What do you mean? Are you upset because your thinking of how you went in college?’

‘Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it.’

There was a moment of silence. ‘Son, you shouldn’t let it get to you. Were just glad you eventually found your feet. And besides, maybe IT just wasn’t for you.’

‘But that’s just the thing. If I had tried harder, I probably could have passed that diploma and gotten a better job.’

‘Son, there’s no point in ruminating over the past, what’s done is done. Your mother and I are just glad you eventually settled into something.’

When he finished the conversation with his dad, he hung up and thought about what he had said. Despite the kind words of his dad, he couldn’t shake the feeling that his life had been a disappointment. If only he had understood back then the significance of the chance he had been given. He had begun to think the door was right.

And just then, he once again saw a door where there should be none, and a voice echoed from it. ‘How did your call go, Joseph? Feeling any better? Or were you hoping to be consoled from your father’s pity?’

Joseph felt a burning in his chest, and his mind was unusually clear. ‘Alright door, I have had enough. Are you going to torment me forever? What do you want from me?’

The door handle began to turn. ‘Actually, I’m here to help you, Joseph. How would you feel if you had another chance? If you walk through me, I will take you back 10 years, and give you one more shot at fixing your life.’

The door opened, but nothing could be seen through it but a strong white light. Joseph breathed in and felt himself shake. Another chance?

The door continued. ‘What’s the matter? You think you’d just waste it? You probably will. You’ll just make the same mistakes you made last time. You don’t know anything about hard work, Joseph.’

In truth, the door had hit on his worst fears. If he really could do it all again, would things be any different? Maybe he was lazy and listless by nature. Maybe it would just be more of the same.

‘You’ll send me back 10 years? Back to senior high school?’

‘You heard me, Joseph. The question is, will you do it?’

He stood at the opened door and thought to himself. If he had a chance to do it all again, could he do things different? But the words of the door echoed in his mind. Perhaps he would just waste it, do exactly what he did before. Had anything really changed in him? He thought of his parents. As kindly as his dad has spoken to him, he wanted to do better by them. But he was afraid. What if he tried to do better, and failed?

The door stood open before him.