Anticipation

The moral of this story would have to be my persistence for getting things right the first time. I strive myself on preparing for the worst and it seems to have gotten the better of me. I was looking forward to spending a lovely evening with a dear friend of mine who I had not seen in years. He and I went to college together and we drifted apart and I was looking forward to catching up on old times.

This get together was brought on my an email I received a few days ago and wasn't sure I was ready to see him again. The last time we were together was at a party of a mutual friend and that didn't turn out the way we had both hoped. We liked each other, sure, but it never got past the point of just good friends. I didn't feel that way about him and maybe things would be different after all this time had gone by.

I used to be overly cautious when I was younger and have grown to accept my faults and even though I should have seen it coming, I was clearly blind to what was to come.

I had been living on my own for quite some time and have also been single for the past 5 years after my divorce from my husband of 25 years. It was a rocky marriage and there were more bad times than good. I endured a lot of emotional pain, none physical, but words were also very hurtful and damaging and I had had enough. We agreed that we would be better off alone than together as we had so much animosity between us, it was palpitating.

I was enjoying my time and getting to know what I had been missing for all those years while I was a prisoner of a loveless marriage. It took me a very long time to felt secure enough in myself and I spent time talking with a therapist to help me sort out those feelings so I could forgive myself and him and no longer felt the guilt that was bottled up for years.

I had a much better take on life and didn't want to waste a single minute of it. I had a simple routine every day and tried to vary it so I wouldn't be bored. I rose usually around 6am, did my morning stretches, took a brisk walk on my treadmill and listened to the morning news and was preparing for my day.

I made myself a quick egg with coffee for breakfast, fed my dog and cat and got dressed and headed out the door to work. I am lucky that I work a few miles away in a little shop I opened up a few years ago with special things that made me happy. I am a collector of beautiful things such as angels and figurines that were magical. I was a spiritual person and loved the smell of fresh candles, incense and tea. I had a few close friends that brought their wares to my shop and I loved meeting new people and this encouraged me to broaden my store into many new ways.

I also started making my own jewelry as I had always loved period pieces that were sentimental to my heart and still wore some from my mother and grandmother proudly. I was trying not to worry about my date later with my friend, but I had that nagging feeling something was not quite right.

I was fairly busy at my shop and I welcomed many new people who had never visited before and when they left, I was sure that they would return for that special purchase for that special someone. I was tallying up the sales for the day. I was pleasantly surprised when I had surpassed my goal. I am very diligent and want to make the impression that I will go out of my way for the greater good and believe that most people feel the same as I do.

After quite a successful day, I was pumped that the evening could only get better, or so I had hoped. I arrived home to see my pets waiting near the front door and were both so happy to see me. I was happy as well, as I could relax for a while before I started preparing for our get together later.

I finished my dinner and fed my cat and dog and they settled down for the evening. I went towards my bedroom to get myself cleaned up and dressed for the highly anticipated date that was years in the making or so it seemed. I couldn't decide on what to wear, or didn't know if the occasion was formal or casual. I have a tendency to overdress and would rather be that way than not. I have been embarrassed in the past by not getting that just right. I had decided on my favorite turquoise shimmery blouse with my best fitting black pants and heels with a beautiful vintage necklace from my mother.

It was getting closer to 7:30pm and he was due to arrive any moment. I was anxious, yet excited to finally see him again. I looked down the street and heard the roar of a motorcycle and that took me back to a much more adventurous time in my life. I was shocked when the bike came up into my driveway. The man took off his helmet and sunglasses and said, said, "Hi there stranger". Well, I almost fell on the floor because he was not the same man I remembered from years ago. He looked like he had lost about 100 pounds at least. He was a big guy and always was, but I still cared about him, just not in a romantic way. I waved him over and we hugged briefly and he said we had to get going or we would miss our reservations and he wanted to keep that secret.

So I put on a spare helmet, hopped on the back of the bike and held on for dear life. I had no idea of what his plans were and maybe I should have listened to my self conscious earlier in the day, but wanted to experience new things and meet new people.

So on we went, headed to the highway and it was so exhilarating at first, then seemed to go down from there. He was quite the daredevil and was showing off, but I was not prepared for this at all. We finally arrived at a local restaurant which I normally would not have attended, but wanted to give it a chance. We were unable to talk much on the way over with the helmets on and the motorcycle being so loud. When we arrived, we were led to our table and ordered drinks and settled in to talk.

I just had to know how he lost all the weight and was so happy for him. He explained that he was in a serious car accident a few years ago and it had changed his life and he was living everyday to the fullest and wanted to make up for lost time for every aspect of his life, including old friends such as myself. He wanted to become more than that, but I was hesitant as he was a different person and I wasn't ready to take on anything serious and wanted to remain just friends. I did feel a slight attraction, but kept remembering how things were and couldn't get past the fact that things were never going to be the same ever again and that was okay with me, but he wouldn't hear of it. He was drinking way too fast and wanted me to keep up with him, but I was really getting scared and worried about the drive home. He ate and talked and smoked at the same time and this was not the same man at all.

I felt disillusioned and unhappy at the same time. I should have known better and taken a different approach, but wanted to live life for once instead of being so overly cautious. I had to excuse myself and go to the restroom to figure out what to do. I sat in there for awhile and texted a few friends for help. I hated to do that, but wasn't sure I would be safe on the back of a bike of someone who was clearly getting drunk and didn't care for my welfare or his.

I came back to the table to find him flirting with the waitress and he even grabbed her rear end and she turned and smiled at him. I was looking at this display and was disgusted. I just wanted to get out of there and leave him be. Better yet, I was trying to figure out a way to tell him, but he started raising his voice and demanded what took so long. I had never seen this side of him and wondered if drinking brought that on. I certainly didn't want to stick around to find out and was glad I made arrangements for a friend to come by and pick me up.

I finally had to say it to his face, " I am never going out with you again". I was deadly serious and thought, lesson learned. Do not judge a book but its cover.