Are You There God?

“Are you there, God? It’s me, but you know that. You know that because you know everything, don’t you?  You know everything. You know how I feel, how I act, how I will react. You know it all, but what have you done? Nothing!”

Kathleen leaned her head against the back of the chair and sighed. She was angry with God, and she wanted Him to know. Prayer was a part of her life and always had been, and sometimes it was as simple as praying for a new doll or a bike. As upset as she was, she had to smile when remembering asking God to make Bobby Marshall go steady with her. This time was different, much different.

“Ugh!” Kathleen stood and walked to the window. It was all she could do to keep herself from punching her fist through the glass. That would accomplish nothing, but she was so angry, so hurt that she needed a release, and breaking something seemed the way to get rid of her anger. She could see her reflection in the glass, and it wasn’t at all flattering. Hoping no one was watching, Kathleen wiped her eyes with her hands, pinched her nose to keep it from running, and combed through her hair with her fingers.

“God, give me a sign.” Kathleen drew in her breath and let it out with a whimper. “Okay, what do you want me to do?  Do you want me to get on my knees or run down the corridor calling out your name? Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

Kathleen saw the reflection of a man in hospital scrubs enter the waiting area. Was this a sign? Was this what she was waiting for or something worse? She slowly turned around and waited for the man to speak.

“Is there someone here from the McReynolds family?” 

A man and two women stood up and walked to the man. The four of them spoke quietly, and Kathleen noticed one of the women clutch the hand of the man standing beside her. The other woman put her hands over her eyes but quickly removed them to shake the hand of the doctor. When the doctor left, the three people stood still for a moment, then the man briefly put his arms around both women, and they went back to their chairs and sat down.

“So, was that it? Was that my sign?” Kathleen wondered as she took her seat and tried not to stare at any of the people in the waiting area. She was curious about them, and she was sure that the man and the two women were related, but what about the other four people waiting. One was a man in a khaki workshirt, dirty jeans, and work boots who probably came directly from his job. He sat in a chair against the wall holding a cup of coffee in one hand and his cap in the other. He hadn’t moved or said a word since entering the waiting area.

A woman sat with her back against the windows. Kathleen thought she sat there to see everything going on around her. The woman wore black dress slacks, a cream-colored silk blouse, and a black jacket folded across the arm of her chair. Her hair was salt and peppered and pulled back in a bun. Kathleen thought she might have been dressing to go out for the evening and ended up here instead.

A young woman sat alone in the corner with her legs pulled up under her. She was constantly pulling at her hair or biting her nails. Kathleen guessed her to be nineteen or twenty, dressed in jeans, a blue tank top, and a navy-blue jacket. Her shoes were under her chair, along with her purse. She had been crying but seemed calmer than earlier in the evening.

The last person to come into the waiting area was a tall, good-looking man who spoke with an accent, and Kathleen guessed he was from around Boston, at least from New England. He had dark hair and light-colored eyes, a quick smile, and walked with a great deal of confidence. The only one in the area that had spoken to her, and that was to ask if one could get coffee somewhere other than in the vending machine. He took a chair across from her, which seemed odd. The room had several small seating areas, but he picked hers. He sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, wearing loafers and no socks. He had on khaki trousers and a blue button-down shirt open at the neck. Now and then, he opened his eyes, looked around the room, made a clucking sound with his teeth before closing his eyes again.

“I’m going for more coffee. May I bring you a cup?” 

The sound of his voice made her jump. “Oh!”

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He smiled, and she noticed he had a dimple on the right side of his face.

“Think nothing of it. I don’t know where I was, but it wasn’t here.” She smiled back at him. “Let me buy.” And she reached for her purse.

“Nonsense, and besides, it’s free. The nurse’s lounge.”  He nodded his head in the direction of the nurse’s station.

He came back with coffee in a few minutes, but before bringing it to her, he stopped and told the others where they could get real coffee. Everyone but the young girl responded to his efforts, but she stared at her lap.

“Here we are.” He sat the cup on the table beside her and then sat back in his chair.

“Thank you. That was very nice of you.”

“Well, you looked like you needed a boost. I know I did.” He took a sip of his coffee, then leaned forward, “names Jeremy. He extended his hand.

“Thank you. I did need this.” She extended her hand to meet his. “I’m Kathleen. It’s nice to meet you, Jeremy.”

His hands were strong but soft. He wasn’t a laborer, maybe an accountant, she thought.

“It’s my kid sister.” He exhaled and let the air blow slowly between his lips. “She’s in surgery, and I’m kind of at a loss. You know, not knowing what to do or where to go. I’ve sat in every waiting area, including the lobby, the cafeteria, and now I’m back here where I started.” He leaned forward. “She was scared, and as much as I tried to say things would be okay, I knew she could tell I was afraid, too” 

“Everyone is a bit apprehensive when they have surgery. It’s normal, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, but this one is different.” Jeremy chuckled. “But I guess they all say that, right?”

He took a sip is his coffee and leaned back against the chair.“She met a preacher here at her last surgery, and she kind of got into religion, and it made her feel better. All is well with that, I suppose.”

“I take it you aren’t religious.”

“Not much. I think there is something, but God? I can go either way.” 

Kathleen smiled, “Yes, that’s what they say. Believers go one way, non-believers go another.”

Jeremy smiled and looked down the hallway. Kathleen thought he was pondering his next move from the way he looked. It seemed she was right because he stood up, but instead of going out of the seating area, he walked to the window.

 “She might die. She’s 22 years old, and she might die.” He didn’t turn around to talk; instead kept looking out the window. “That preacher gave her hope, and there isn’t any hope. She has cancer, and there is no hope. Surgery only prolongs her agony.”

Kathleen straightened up when she saw a doctor enter the waiting area, look around, and walk toward Jeremy and her.

“Jeremy.” She spoke quietly. He turned to answer and saw the doctor walking toward him.

“Mr. Sullivan.” The doctor held out his hand. “The surgery is over, and Vanessa handled it well. As we discussed this morning, we won’t know exactly how she will react, but our hope and my professional opinion is this will have a favorable outcome.”

“Dr. DeLeon, ah, ah, thank you. Thank you so much.” Jeremy looked up at the ceiling, “Thank you, God, thank you.” Jeremy was still holding the doctor’s handshake, then suddenly let go. “I didn’t realize,” he gave an embarrassed laugh. “When can I see her?”

“She will be in recovery overnight, but in a few hours, I will have a nurse come get you so you can see her.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Jeremy put his hands in front of him to indicate he wouldn’t attempt to shake the doctor’s hand. The doctor smiled and nodded his approval before walking away.

Kathleen wasn’t eavesdropping, but neither the doctor nor Jeremy seemed to mind her hearing their conversation.

“Was that the sign, God? Was that what you wanted me to hear?” Kathleen whispered to herself.

“She had hope, you know. She was scared, but she still had hope.” Jeremy had sat down across from her. “I think it was that preacher that did it. I want to say thank you, but I don’t have a name or anything.”

“You have.” Kathleen smiled.

“I’m sorry.” Jeremy’s voice and expression showed confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m that preacher that talked to Vanessa.” She paused to watch his expression change from confusion to shock. “I’ve been here all day being angry with God because I was afraid I had given her false hope, and I wanted Him to help and comfort Vanessa and to let me know He had. I had just asked Him to give me a sign when you sat down across from me.” She leaned forward and put her hands on his knees. ”You were that sign, Jeremy. You came in worried about your sister, and you thought your faith was undecided. But you knew Vanessa had faith and that even though she was afraid, she had faith in God. And, regardless of what you say, you have that faith too.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who you were.”

“Jeremy, I didn’t know who you were either. God brought us together for a reason. I prayed with Vanessa before they took her into surgery. So, what if we offered God a prayer of thanks now?”

“Here? Sitting here?”

“Yes, right here.” Kathleen took Jeremy’s hands, and they bowed their heads.

 “Are you there, God? It’s me again, and I have Jeremy with me this time, and we want to thank you and ask…