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January 1st, 2024 – Entry #1
Here’s to new beginnings, right? It’s a new year, the partying is over, and everyone is trying to get into new habits. My therapist said that keeping a journal and writing goals down, whether anyone reads them or not, helps with maintaining goals or whatever, so I’m going to give it an honest try before the bad habits get out of hand.
I’ve tried diets in the past, but nothing has ever helped me get out of my cravings. I know, it’s probably the most common new years resolution, and the one that’s most dropped before the end of every January, but I can’t let it continue anymore. The doctors are all saying I need to change my diet as soon as possible or I’d face a risk of serious malnutrition, but focusing on leafy greens and fruits makes me sick to even think about. Even just writing about it makes me nauseous. No matter, I’ll focus on keeping it up for at least the month, and hopefully I’ll have created a habit by then to continue into the rest of the year. Yes, I think this will work! I’ll begin the diet immediately – well, at least as soon as I get rid of my December leftovers.
January 5th, 2024 – Entry #2
Back again– I’m trying to focus my time on food research and shopping in between diary entries, but I’ve truly learned that shopping on an empty stomach is a horrible idea. There are so many unhealthy snacks and meals out in the world that I think sticking to “research” might be best for now. I’ve looked into meal prep and delivery services, and they all seem so mainstream and cute, but nothing they offer appetizes me. Some of their prices are outrageous too, I couldn’t believe it! It took me a while to even find a viable option, and coincidentally it was a service owned and run by a local company. The management team, chefs, and delivery personnel all live and operate their kitchen within 15 minutes of where I live, and their prices were actually the best out of any of the services. As for their food offerings, nothing came close to an ideal meal, but nothing was marketed as “vegan”, so they were on the right track.
Their website was adorable. Family owned, farm to doorstep, and all the trendy widgets and branding you’d expect from an up-and-coming small-town business in 2024. There was even a step-by-step process to help determine which diet would suit someone’s lifestyle best. I could tell that nothing was going to work, but no pain no gain, right? After a few attempts, the program must’ve defaulted to a recommended schedule of generic prepared food deliveries for the week, out of loss of patience or just the system trying to clinch a customer no matter the cost, and the price was more than reasonable. They insisted on in-person deliveries to ensure quality and perfect hand-off. How delightfully old fashioned. I’m all set with the subscription – first delivery is set to arrive on Monday and it will be dropped off by Debra via company car. Looking forward to this momentous life change!
January 8th, 2024 – Entry #3
Today went better than expected! The food delivery service arrived slightly earlier than scheduled, and I got to meet Debra! She arrived in a silly little yellow uniform, matching their websites brand and all, and she had the package ready with the refrigerated items in their own compartment. Since I was new to the service, she insisted on walking me through some of the storage, heating, and prep instructions. She was extremely friendly; so much so, that I was kind of excited to try the food then and there. She insisted I should give them a call if I had any other questions, but she could barely say it without giggling. I had to admit, the eye contact was strong. I don’t know if she wasn’t used to being properly acknowledged in the past, but it must’ve caught her off guard a few times. I could see her crumbling through some of their company’s scripted welcome speeches and instructions, succumbing to the interaction and blushing at every other statement. I think at a few moments of her speech she forgot she was on the job, but she still provided above average service.
I’m unsure if it was too forward, but I insisted on making sure she’d be the one on the receiving end of my calls if I had any questions, and she said she’d be more than happy to. She added her number to my phone, and was on her way.
What a wonderful and unexpected surprise. When someone thinks their life if going in one direction, it always goes in another. I suppose my therapist was right:
Whether positive or negative, the changes and things you’re looking for are often just a small change away.
January 11th, 2024 – Entry #4
It’s been a few days since the start of the meal subscription service, and I have to admit, the food is pretty terrible. Pork cutlets with a side of asparagus, meatloaf with mashed potatoes and corn, crispy salmon with peas and cauliflower, I couldn’t stomach any of them. There’s no way I could let Debra know this though. Luckily, she was excited to find out that I needed assistance with the subscription service. She was so excited in fact, that she was more than ecstatic to come over after her work hours to show me how to cook some of the meals herself.
I’ve already penciled her in for tomorrow evening. We’ll be kicking the weekend off with grilled chicken and a side of broccoli and carrots, how yummy.
January 12th, 2024 – Entry #5
What a lovely evening. Debra came over slightly earlier that scheduled, and we got into the important stuff right away. Food, wine, and meaningful conversation. It’s all anyone wants, right? I was correct with my earlier hunch when I met her. She felt this connection the day we met, drawn to me instantly, and she couldn’t elaborate why. I was beyond flattered, but I had to agree with her on all points. I was drawn to her. She was infectious.
We spent the first half of the evening in the kitchen. She thought it was funny that I had such a large and elaborate kitchen, fitted with flashy custom countertops and an assortment of cooking utensils, but no personal chef or abundance of ingredients to use. I had to insist that time was something precious to me, and time preparing to clean and cook food was one of my greatest dislikes. She offered to come over to cook for me more, and showed surprise at how fit I kept myself considering the amateur diet I was maintaining. It’s something that everyone picks up on immediately, and the reason why I’m trying so hard to keep this diary resolution as a constant practice in the new year.
I admit, I helped her cook, plate, and clean, but I did very little eating the rest of the evening. A bite of the cut she insisted I try while we cooked, but nothing but wine from me there on after. The smell of the food in the kitchen alone was dizzying. Luckily, she was too distracted with the conversation to notice that I abstained from any of the food, or that I had to open the windows for fresh air.
The topic of family came up, as it usually does in these types of date nights, and I was surprised at how personal it got. Again, I don’t think anyone has ever given Debra the proper time of day in conversation, because she opened up with her lack of ties and how she was working on being more independent going into the new year, and how I was already making it hard for her. This sounds abrupt as I write it down, but it wasn’t. There’d been a fair share of flirting and contact throughout the evening. I’m actually surprised she insisted on not spending the evening. Something about that made her even more irresistible.
January 25th, 2024 – Entry #6
“Dear Diary, I’m sorry for going so long without writing in you.” Truly, it’s been a wonderful few days. My cravings are significantly more stable when I’m spending time with Debra. She’s so charming and easy to talk to, and a great cook. Her attention to detail in crafting dishes is unparalleled, and it actually makes most of the food she makes tolerable. I’m surprised she’s just a delivery driver for her company, but I suppose it’s only cause she’s a bit young. Although just a year younger than me, I do sense a bit of innocence that might be holding her back a bit in life.
Last week, we went to the movies, I got to spend some time with her at her place, and we even managed to grab a quick bite for a fancy dinner out one evening. I couldn’t help taking her to one of my favorite private clubs for dinner. She was so cute, afraid of walking into the alleyways late in the evening, and clinging on to my shoulder like a frightened kitten. She was surprised she’d never heard of the venue, but I couldn’t blame her. Not because she was low class or anything, but just because I didn’t expect her to be mixed in with these secluded snobby crowds. She looked lovely in her black little dress, but I kept losing her in the dim lighting of the cellars and private booths because of it.
I lucked out with the fact that she’s an adventurous eater, because I’d just waved to the server to bring out the usual. Chatter was kept to a low, hushed rumble throughout the restaurant, something I especially liked about this place, and something I think Debra found romantic. The candlelight cast on the floor by the individual booths hid everyone’s faces. The choreography of the servers running up and down the tables, like factory workers in black tie attire maximizing their shifts, never ceases to amaze me. Debra mentioned that she’d be leaving a favorable review online, but I don’t think she’ll be successful in finding them. I had to change the subject to get her mind off the notion. She was so glad because she’d never seen me eat with such gusto. She was hellbent on learning how to cook these meals for me, and I assured her that with her talents it’d be something she’d be able to accomplish in no time.
On our way out she initiated a kiss, something we’d shared too seldomly, and I could barely pull myself away from her. I loved every second of that evening, and I’m glad I was able to return the favor of providing her with a meal for once. She smiled under the dim streetlights and asked when we’d be able to see each other again, to which I let her know that the 31st would work best for my schedule – which was perfect because I knew it was her day off that week too.
January 31st, 2024 – Final Entry
Debra came over today, slightly earlier than expected, and we had a wonderful dinner. She looked as attractive as she smelled, and went in for a kiss right away. Seems like she’d gotten comfortable in doing so after our few weeks together, and I loved it.
I thought I’d mix things up by preparing a mini cocktail hour at home, menu and all. She was so surprised that I had actually “cooked” something, and by that she meant the small meat and cheese board I’d organized from her meal delivery service, but I took it as a compliment nonetheless. I had the smooth jazz playlist running in the background as I dimmed the lights and mixed a cocktail for her. We couldn’t help dancing, no one ever does.
Once the cocktail kicked in and I realized her legs were shaking, I went ahead and let her drop to the floor while I readied the kitchen. I could hear her mumbling as she struggled to move, but couldn’t make out any words. It’s been so long since I’d properly prepped anything in the house, I was so giddy at the thought of the perfect meal for the next few weeks. I grabbed a chair I had stowed in a closet and propped her on it, facing her into the kitchen so she could watch me unravel the rest of the appliances and tools. I unlocked the compartments beneath the island, revealing the sterile slabs that extended up and out beyond the surface of the island. I had my apron ready, pristinely white, washed, and pressed, and set aside the knives Debra had coincidentally admired the first few times she’d visited me.
Her mumbling slowed as the tears began to run down her eyes, my favorite. I couldn’t help strolling over to lick her smooth, tender face as I tightened my gloves.
“I’ve been seeing you cook for so long; I can’t wait to show you a bit of how I cook,” I told her. My only regret is that she wasn’t there to share the meal with me. The fresh harvest is always the best as soon as it’s fileted. The rest will have to remain in the freezer until I run out.
Like I had admitted to earlier in the month, changes in diets are probably the most common new year’s resolutions, and are also the ones that are most dropped before the end of every January. I guess I’m no exception. 2025 will be my year!
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