Haunted by Angels

“Clarisse Hedgens” the familiar real estate agent smiles and extends her hand. 

The translucent forms of Edgar and Louisa hover near the three living ones. Only they see the strain in the agent’s perfect smile. 

“Oh, Louisa look how tired the poor woman looks.”

“Shush Edgar.”

The eager couple in front of them smiles back and takes turns shaking her hand.

“I’m Amanda Baker and this is my husband Todd Baker.” Amanda has a nasally voice and lipstick on her teeth.

“That voice,” Louisa says pointedly. 

“Now, Now, there are far worse things” says Edgar. 

“I don’t like her already.”

Edgar sighs “ let us give them a fair chance. 

“Alright then without further ado let us get on with the tour” she’s still smiling wide as if that will help her sell the unsellable suite. 

“Here is the kitchen, quite modest and cozy with a few modern touches.”

After the same rehearsed descriptions about the counters and the cabinets the agent gushes over pot filler over the stove.

“People are so lazy nowadays, is it that troublesome to walk over to the sink? I suppose eventually they will just have the toilet and the washer in the kitchen to avoid the extra trip” says Louisa.

The couple looks pleased and is guided to the empty living room. Amanda has a wistful look in her eyes as if picturing her life and her things existing in the empty space. 

“My zebra print couch” Amanda points and whispers to her husband while the agent prattles on about the hardwood. 

“Her zebra print couch. How gaudy.”

Clarisse's high heels clip-clop against the wood and she leads the couple to the master bedroom, Louisa and Edgar’s room. 

“So much sunlight and the windows, Todd it’s gorgeous!”

Todd smiles back sheepishly, and Edgar smiles at the man. He knows what it’s like to have a tyrant wife. 

Clarisse steps out momentarily leaving Amanda and Todd in the bedroom. 

“I can set up my music stuff here by the window,” Amanda says excitedly. 

“And we could easily soundproof the room” Todd adds. 

“In an old townnn” Amanda’s off-key notes bounces off of the flowery wallpaper.

Todd smiles at the singing barely concealing a wince. 

“That voice again Edgar, it’s insufferable.”

“Oh, Todd I love it here! The spare room and the big living room will be perfect for having all the kids over.”

Louisa floats up and dramatically faints in the air.

“All the noise, I can not bear it” she whines.

“Perhaps having some more life in here might do us some good, my love.”

“How horribly ironic” Louisa laughs for the first time in ages. 

“Yes indeed” Edgar smiles at his wife’s change in demeanor. 

Clarisse walks back in ready to sell. “Just over here we have a lovely connected bathroom” the agent gestures them inside. 

The couple ogles the seemingly simple and unspecial bathroom. Amanda begins to examine the sink while Todd and the agent discuss some other matter in painstaking detail. Louisa approaches the sink and wraps her phantom hand against the faucet. This can not be good Edgar thinks to himself. 

“Ah make it stop. Make it stop.” Water shoots out right at Amanda’s face. Her makeup looks like a watercolor painting gone wrong. Todd rushes over and slams the faucet down. 

“I’m so so sorry. I swear all the plumbing is up to date, I will go grab some things to help you get cleaned up” her cheeks are as red as her hair. That poor woman. Todd shoots her a disbelieving glance. 

“Up to date I wonder what else is wrong with this place,” says Todd.

Louisa smirks satisfied with Todd’s response.

“Louisa please let them be. If they are really unbearable we can haunt them out of here. These unexplainable flaws are beginning to look suspicious” Edgar pleads. 

“Very well, I will give them a chance” 

“Besides we could have worse roommates, the Cavana family in the neighboring suite have that hoarder, he wasn’t even bothered by their hauntings. They can’t get rid of him. Stacks and stacks of junk they told me.” 

“I suppose,” Louisa says pursing her lips. 

Clarisse comes back with makeup wipes and a face cloth. 

“Again so sorry about that,” says the agent apologetically. 

“It’s alright I’ve got bad luck with technology and apparently that includes sinks as well,” Amanda says trying to lighten the mood. They nervously laugh and follow Clarisse’s clip-clopping to the spare bedroom. 

In minutes it seems Amanda and Todd look at each and say “we’ll take it!”

“Our new roommates,” says, Edgar.

“I wish you wouldn’t call them that. They are unwanted guests.”

“The same could be said about us” Edgar countered. 

After the couple leaves the agent slumps on the floor and lets out a deep breath.

“Finally, the damn thing finally sold.”

A few weeks later the boxes, movers, and pizza all stroll in. Louisa tries to cover her disdain. 

“I miss Mrs. Rose, that woman way a saint. And she was quiet, so beautifully quiet” Louisa reminisces as Amanda brings in her garish decor.

“Honestly Edgar, what kind of grown woman needs a banana lamp” 

“Amanda, I suppose dear.” 

Amanda and Todd begin to make the suite their own. The suite is now covered with animal print and bright colors courtesy of Amanda. Edgar hopes they turn out alright or he fears he will never be able to hear the end of it for the rest of time. As of now, they seem to be fairly normal, save for being a little quirky. Louisa sulks by the window until nightfall. 

“You’ll get used to them my love,” Edgar says.

Louisa sighs and looks out the window through the railing of the staircase outside. All of a sudden she catches a movement. 

“Edgar look, a man.”

“Why that looks like the criminal that was on the news.”

“He’s trying to open the window” Louisa squeals.

Edgar and Louisa hold hands and use all their might to push him off the stairs. The man looks shocked and he falls from the second floor. 

“Oh, Edgar do you think he’s dead.” They float as close as they can to the window.

“It’s too dark, I can’t see” he responds.

The next morning there’s a knock on the door and Todd and Amanda answer in their bathrobes. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Baker an angel must have been watching over you last night. You are very lucky to be alive.” Says the shorter of the two police officers. 

“I don’t understand,” Todd says groggily.

“Yesterday, the state’s most wanted gun man was outside your window before he fell. He is alive but in critical condition. Amazingly, we’ve been trying to catch this guy for the past six months.”

Turns out being haunted isn’t so bad.