Tomorrow, no more

Content Warning:

-Themes of death.

-This story is pure vibes.

You'll die by midnight, so today, just have fun. You never have fun. And if I know you, which I do, then I know if you were allowed to, you'd spend the whole day moping. I, on the other hand, will spend today celebrating. Because I'm infinitely glad about your fate. I'll miss you, of course, but your life has been so so terrible of late, so I think it's for the best. My mum says that's cruel of me to say, but I don't see it how it is. Okay, maybe I do, but it's actually not. You're going to leave this horrible world that keeps giving you pain and suffering and go to the other side. From the things I hear about the other side, people that were good in real life enjoy over there, and you're good people. I already can't wait to join you in the merriment. But not anytime soon, please, I don't want to die. No, it's not hypocritical of me. The situation is different; unlike you, my life's going great! I'd wish the same for you but what's the use? Your time has already come.

My sister told me you were crying when she went to visit you earlier this morning. I hope it's just this morning, because I definitely won't let you spend all day like that. I feel like I've spent every single day of my life trying to get you to have fun, and I always fail. But today, there's no room for failure, just like how for you, tomorrow, there's no room for life. Aren't inevitable things just the best and worst at the same time?

It doesn't even make sense to me that you should be miserable all day. Haven't you known what midnight holds for two weeks now? I remember clearly that it was the afternoon of two Thursdays ago that my sister came in the house from yours, crying, saying they visited you in your sleep the previous night. So yeah, two weeks (you're lucky, you know? A lot of people get shorter notice). That's really enough time for you to SUCK IT UP. You're usually really good at accepting stuff. You've accepted all the failures and disappointments life has given you, opened your arms wide to them, never tried to fight (I don't know how you expect to get a good life when you never fight, when you keep acting so weak. Why do you think my life's like this today? Make lemonade my foot. Oh well, this is what you get. Dying a sad girl.), so why are you finding it so hard to accept this one? Sometimes, you don't make sense. But I love you like that. 

But seriously, you better be done crying by the time I get to your place. I'll be on my way as soon as I'm done writing your eulogy. No, not this. This one's my goodbye letter to you. The one that's just for you, and not for a whole crowd of people coming to pay their respects. I'll give you the privilege of it being the last thing you see before you go to meet the Angels (say hi to Gabriel, by the way, that's my guy). Since you said you want to be alone when it happens, when the clock strikes 12, and for the ten minutes before then(you've always liked your solitude, and I've always liked it about you. Could never be me!), I'll give you the letter to read before I leave you. What a way to depart from this world, right? With your best friend's nuggets of wisdom and love. I can imagine the wistful smile on your face as you fade into black, as the other side envelopes you; you'll be thinking, that boy, always knows what to say, doesn't he? And I do. I indeed do.

Anyway, I'll write your eulogy right after I'm done with this. Forget the nonsense I'm hearing about your mum saying she'd prefer I didn't give one, because she doesn't know if you'd want that. I mean, what kind of a useless fabrication is that! I wonder who came up with that utter impossibility. Such BS. If there's anyone you'd want to give a eulogy at your funeral, I am for certain it is going to me. And I promise you, and everyone that's going to be at that funeral, that it's going to be the best eulogy you've ever heard. What better place to reveal my hidden talent of writing (and speaking, but as you all know, that has never been hidden) than at your funeral? What better way to pay my respects to you? Everyone's going to be in awe on that day. They'll go home telling people, that brilliant young man at the funeral, never seen anyone orate like him, never heard such fine words. People aren't going to forget your funeral anytime soon. You're welcome, my dear. See? I'll still keep on doing you these favours even after you're gone. I've been doing them all our lives, and even if yours will be over in some hours, mine won't, so I'll keep on doing them, any way I can. Again, you're welcome. 

I'll be at your house soon, and from there, we're going to have fun. I really hope you let me today, it's for your own good. You better get over whatever is up with you. You better allow yourself to see me today. It's almost up to a year, you know? Since you've been doing this childish play of not wanting to talk to me. Ignoring me the few times we cross paths in the neighbourhood, telling my sister you didn't want to see me the day you got the news of your demise. My mum says you're not interested in the friendship anymore, that same shit you told me, something about me being self-absorbed and not really loving anyone but myself and you're tired of putting up with me, blah blah blah. I can't believe she bought it. I'm her son for crying out loud, she of all people should know I'm nothing close to all of that. Heck, I'm spending how many minutes writing you a goodbye letter for chrissakes! Anyway, I don't know what was up with you then, when you said that, but it's been a year now, and you really should come around. My mum says maybe that means you meant it, but I keep telling her you're just proud. I know you've regretted your words since the very day you said them, and I know you're dying (ha, pun unintended) to talk to me again, to go back to being normal us, but you're just too arrogant to reconcile. You've always had a big ego. Even when we were little children; you wouldn't build the Lego the way you knew it was meant to be built just because I was the one who brought the idea. So this is isn't surprising. However, you need me now more than ever, so get over it. Oh, that reminds me. My sister also told me this week something like you don't want me to be in the bedroom with you when you go there to get ready. While she and my mum can be there, I can't? That has to be a lie. I know you don't mean it. She said you said you can't trust me not to say the wrong thing and that's how I know it's absolute CS (cow sh*t, btw). You're lying to yourself for whatever reason, and it's bad. You know you want me there, your ride or die (OMG! See? Maybe that's why this is happening to you!) and despite your attitude since the past year, I'll be there. I'll show up for you, like I always do. And I'll give you, personally, my goodbye letter. 

Speaking of the letter, I am approaching its end. I know, so far, you've had a good run. I know you've laughed, I know you've smiled, and you have definitely cried. And that's all that's important. But I just want say one last thing. Dying a sad person isn't that bad. In fact, I think it's much better than dying happy. Happiness is good. It's a good feeling, why would you want to leave that? Sadness, however, everyone wants to run as far away from it as possible. And what could be farther than a place where it doesn't exist at all? So, see? This is why I'm happy. For everyone else, this is such a depressing moment, because they don't want to lose you, because they'll miss you. But I don't see it that way, because I so deeply care about you, and I'm so deeply unselfish (!), because I know how love works. I know this whole thing isn't about me or the way I feel, I know it's about you. And my mum dares to call it cruel, my sister has the guts to tell me, see? This is why she doesn't talk to you anymore. Do they think I won't miss you? Do they think I'm ready to lose you? We've spent our whole lives together. It's been me and you against the world for almost two decades, and now you're leaving me in that world. And that's awful (I'm just thinking, if I feel like this, I wonder how you would feel if I was the one who inevitably had to answer a call from the other side. You would be UTTERLY DEVASTATED. A world without me would be terrible for you, I know that—I mean look what's happened in the past year. Thank God it's you who is disappearing from the face of the earth and not the other way around. I definitely wouldn't want you to go through the pain of losing me, making your life worse than it already is. So it's good as you're the one leaving for better things on the other side, and I'm the one staying to feel the loss of a friend. This is what love is, I need my apology.). But I know they wouldn't understand this so I won't bother to explain to them, they can think what they want. I'll be fine, don't worry. You know me, I'll always be fine.

Let me stop here, the morning is almost gone. I've had a lovely time with you in this world, and I hope that is the same way you too have a lovely time over there, as lovely as the time you spent here with me. And don't forget to have fun. (And please, don't continue with this weakness when you get there. Reject the lemons!). I know you'll miss me, and I'll miss you too, my forever friend. Goodbye, my dear. Till we meet again. Or rather, till you meet me again, 'cause me, I'll be seeing you in about twenty minutes. But for now, to the eulogy we go!