IN FULL REGALIA

Levi knew more about what he wasn’t than what he was. He felt like a rogue puzzle piece.  He was not athletic, he was not exceptionally funny or bright, he wasn’t interested in smoking weed, nor was he gleeful enough for glee club, and so on. 

A natural offshoot to being a one-of-a-kind kid is isolation, exclusion, one-ism, enjoying your own company comfort-thinking, learning how to harness introspection so that you become your own think tank and you do quite well with it. Of course, you’re the only one who knows anything about it.  And, frankly, none of this gets to the heart of the matter: Was there a square or round hole for Levi?

And, just to pile on, as life has a way of doing, to plant a cherry on that sundae and throw some nuts on top too:

There’s this girl.

Too basic, too bland a description, that, but in Levi’s mind, words had yet to be uttered that could adequately describe the impact that spying this mini-goddess with braces had had on one one-of-a-kind kid seated at the far side of the lunchroom.

Her name was Lily.   

A round-about way of coming straight to the point, Levi was in a pickle. 

* * *

Levi had always had the feeling that he himself was a puzzle with pieces missing. He’d grown up with a younger sister, Grace, who’d followed so closely behind, they operated more like twins.

That’s where all similarities ended. She was, without question, the dominant sibling. Grace was a tomboy and knew it. As a toddler, she enjoyed dolls so long as she had a toy horse to prop it on and a plastic tree to hang it from. She loved dirt and animals and ghost stories and could toss a perfect spiral well down the high school football field.

Levi was a free bird.  He seemed to flit from endeavor to endeavor with the requisite intent but without real commitment.  He approached everything with the same level of interest: just enough. Levi was like a caterpillar content to stay within the confines of his own cocoon.

The day he noticed Lily Morgan in the cafeteria, it began as a subtle tap. Then, it was as if the sky opened, and two huge cartoon hands lowered a giant neon sign that warned, “Watch This Next Turn, Levi! It's a Doozy!”

Not that any forewarning can really prepare you for this sort of thing.

* * *

That evening, following family taco night, Levi found himself in the company of his grandfather. They sat on the corduroy couch within the screened-in porch watching Seinfeld reruns. This was the only space in the house Grandpa Boone was permitted to chaw ‘n spit.

It wasn’t every night Levi chose to be in the audience of the beloved wrinkly rerun that was his only-one-still-living grandparent, but he had Lily on his chest.  

“Grandpa?”

“Hello. Who are you?”

“Grandpa!”

“Just testing. May I see your papers?”

“The war’s over, Grandpa.”

“I keep forgetting. So, what’s your hurry?”

“I have this pickle.”

“Well, by now you probably should.”

“No, no. Grandpa! The pickle is Lily.”

“Is that code? Am I supposed to . . .”

Levi lowered his voice.

“It’s a girl, grandpa.”

“Oh, a girl!”

“Shhhhh! Grandpa!”

“Pardon my exuberance. So, what did this g-i-r-l do to you?”

“She rode an arrow into my heart. Whenever I see her, she levels me. . .”

“Such violence! So, what's the problem, the presumed pickle?”

“In a word, I don’t fit in anywhere at school and no one knows I’m alive, especially the girls, which was fine for a while, didn’t matter, but then there was Lily and now it does matter, all of it matters, and I’m stuck in this pickle.”

“Hmm, I see. So, have you tried talking to this Lily?”

“This is where I could use your help, Grandpa. I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“You have a mouth?”

“Sure.”

“Words come out of it?”

“Grandpa . . .”

“Put the two together and see what you can come up with, Levi. There's just one thing I would add.”

“Anything.”

“Be you, just you, no one else.  And if she doesn’t like the you you are, check her papers.”

“Grandpa . . . what if I’m not sure . . .”

“You don’t need to be sure, Levi. Nobody is.  Just listen.”

“Listen? What to?” 

“You need to discover some things for yourself, Levi.”

“That’s about as clear as mud, Grandpa.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised.”  

Grandpa Boone gave Levi a wink and, taking out a pouch, turned his attention back to television.

Levi left his grandfather to his sit-com and spit-cup, not altogether sure what just happened.

* * *

The next day at school, Levi found himself thinking about what his grandfather had said. He’d hoped for a practical guide to girls or something specific, like wear this cologne or do this, works every time, something concrete. 

“All right, class. Take your seats.”

 Levi held Lily in his periphery as she made her way to her desk situated two rows away, which to Levi might well have been two solar systems. Levi was but a distant star in the galaxy of Lily’s heart; he waxed poetic. He was that far gone.

Levi was still lost in space as a guest speaker was being introduced to the class. Once he landed, he caught up to the speaker mid-sentence.

“. . . the male of the species displays the grandest, brightest plumage in all of nature. Can anyone tell me why that is?”

Wiseass Walker had his hand up.

“’Cause it’s the male of the species got to have that swav.”

“Yes, but why?”

Walker realized the eyes of every girl in the class were fixed on him much like a firing squad.

“Because the females of the species only deserve the best, like me.”

“But why?”

“Beats me. . .”

“Yes? Miss . . .”

“I’m Lily. The male does all he can to attract the attention of the female in order to procreate. It’s a law of nature.”

Levi began taking notes. His next step was being laid out for him. He listened. 

*  *  *

At home, Levi studied himself in the bathroom mirror. He was relieved to be mostly free of acne. At present, he looked like your average fresh-faced kid. He had a full head of honey-colored hair that had a tendency to curl at the ends; his mother had said it gave him an angelic quality. Even though a mother’s opinion could hardly be trusted, he hadn’t decided whether being endowed with any cherubic features was a plus.

He studied his face. A scar would help. Maybe he’ll break his nose someday, if he’s lucky, develop a little character. His father was always talking about putting hair on his chest, using elbow grease, putting your back into it, like they were a family of pirates and he was the crew. Levi attempted his best Mr. Universe pose. He reminded himself of the rubber chickens at the gag shop.

Levi took one last look and sighed.  

Well, let’s see what we can find.

Levi’s parents were out for dinner and his grandfather was downstairs watching television.

Opening the door to his mother’s closet was like seeing vibrant color for the first time. Of course, he’d seen his mother’s clothes his entire life, but this was the first time he looked at individual items with purpose. He was looking for that “swav” Walker had talked about. He never heard his sister approach until she stood right behind him.

“Looking for something?”

“Grace, don’t do that!”

“Hmm, you look shook, bruh.”

“Well, you just scared the life out of me.”

“No. Your eyes are doing that squirrelly thing they do when you’re hiding something.”

“So.”

“So spill.”

“It’s not a big deal. I was thinking of experimenting with some brighter colors in my wardrobe, that’s all.” 

“That’s all, huh?”

“That’s all.”

Levi and Grace locked eyes in their traditional sibling standoff to test who would look away first. This time, Grace was the first to acquiesce.

“I’ll leave you then to your experiments.”

“Bye.”

“I’ll be in my room if there’s anything . . .”

“Bye.”

“. . . you want to model.”

“Bye.”

“So, I’m trying to picture you in bright colors, full regalia.”

“Bye.”

“I can take a hint.”

“Prove it.”

“All right!”

Levi followed Grace and locked the door after her.

* * *

The next morning Levi snuck out early while his parents were still getting ready. He walked to the neighbor’s bus stop so his parents wouldn’t see his “new look” just yet.  Levi wasn’t prepared to receive unsolicited critiques, especially since he personally felt pleased with the result.   

He was close to his mother’s size and wore a navy silk blouse of hers with a pair of his own jeans.   He had seen documentaries on the Bowerbird and their elaborate mating display. They are naturally attracted to and collect blue objects. What was good enough for the Bowerbird might be a decent place for Levi to start.

That day in school, Levi went about his usual business. He felt glances and murmurs, most notably by Lily in braces. Levi sensed he was making some headway.

The next day, Levi chose a gold tunic with turquois stitching around the neck and hem. He began experimenting with scarves. He appeared as nonchalant as he had the day before. Again, there were looks and commentary.

The third day, Levi chose a tangerine button-down with a bow at the collar accented with a mother-of-pearl broach.  Public response was elevated; looks became stares, mumbles now a thing of the past.

“Hey, Elton John, can I get an autograph?”

“My grandmother has that blouse.”

“Is the circus in town? Zippy the Clown’s lost.”

“Ziegfried & Roy called; they want their costume back.”

Levi had a way to blot out any comments that he didn’t care to absorb.  He filled his head with his favorite song:

Ooh, there ain’t no other way, baby, I was born this way, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way . . .

These were the only lines Levi could recall, and they were the ones that played in his mind on a loop. He didn’t care; they worked.

*  *  *

“So, you’re that kid Levi I keep hearing about, right?”

“Grandpa. . .”

“Testing, just testing.  So, how’s your pickle?”

Levi thought for a moment.

“Grandpa, do you think that it’s all right to be different; I mean completely different from everyone, everything you know?”

“Levi, short of being in a drug cartel, a street gang or engaged in human trafficking, I believe it is imperative that you be who you are.”

“No matter what?”

Well, let’s see. We’ve covered drugs, homicide, trafficking . . . those are the major areas you should avoid.”

Thanks, Grandpa.”

“You’re welcome . . . what was your name?”

“Grandpa.”

“I know, I know. Good luck, Grace.”

*  *  *

The next morning, Levi got ready at the usual time. His parents and sister were in the kitchen when he made his entrance.

He wore an old school blazer over his mother’s burgundy pencil skirt, plaid socks and sneakers.  Without a word, he took his place at the breakfast table and took a banana from the fruit bowl.

His parents exchanged shocked expressions.

Grace started giggling.

“Levi, I think you got your closets mixed up.”

“No, actually I . . .”

His parents both joined the inquisition.

“Levi, is that my burgundy skirt you’re wearing?”

“Level with me, son. Is this a prank? Are we being punked?”

“I can’t get over how well it fits you! It’s the narrow hips, that’s what it is.”

“You playing a part in a play? This all part of some school thing?”

Levi stood. “Is anybody interested in listening to me?”

“Of course, darling. We’re listening.”

Everyone sat.

“Well. You see. There was this girl. I wanted to get her attention. So then I remembered in nature how the male uses bright colors to attract a mate. And, let me tell you, when I tried on some of your brighter colored blouses, mom, it felt great, I felt really alive.”

“You’ve been wearing my blouses?”

“You’ve been wearing your mother’s blouses?”

Grace frowned.

“Wait a minute, Levi. So, what does that make you as far as . . .a human being?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I do, Grace.”

“What if you’re a new species, like an alien!”

“Then nothing I do should change your opinion of me.”

“Nothing could. So long as you stay a freak, I’ll know it’s you. How about Lily?”

“How did you. . . never mind. I think I’ll let that play out on its own. I’ve got a few things I’d like to figure out.”

“Hmm, you may not be as dumb as you look.”

“Couldn’t be.”

“Hah! Well, I hate to break up your coming out of mom’s closet, but we have to go. We’re going to be late.”

“You’re right. Mom, Dad, we’ll talk more tonight and as much as you want, okay? I really like where I am right now.”

Levi’s mother rushed over and hugged her son. She looked him in the eye.

“We’re going shopping, and soon!”

“Thanks, mom.”

They both turned to look at Levi’s father. He looked pensive.

“So, you’ve been wearing your mother’s blouses?”

Levi walked over and placed an understanding hand on his father’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, dad. Take all the time you need. I doubt I’ll have answers for you right away anyway.”

Grace made a show of impatience, tapping her foot.

“Geez, Levi, get a move on. Want me to carry your purse?”

* * *

A hush fell over the class as Levi, surprisingly graceful, took his seat in homeroom. He appeared as cool as a runway model. That was the picture he held in his mind of how he wanted to be perceived and that’s what he tried to embody. 

Some of the girls sniggered, catching the eye of anyone who had the same or similar reaction. As the giggling grew and threated to turn to laughter, a voice cut through, that of Graham Smith, the class actor.

“Anybody see Harry Styles’ performance at the Grammy’s?”

“I love Harry Styles!”

Lily smiled as she said this. Levi saw her, and also smiled.

The bell rang; time to head to first class.

* * *

“Hey, man.”

“Graham. Thanks, but you didn’t have to bring up Styles.”

“You don’t like Harry Styles?”

“No, no. I’m okay. I like this.”  Levi gestured from his head to toe.

“So, you enjoy ridicule, do you?”

“Mind over matter.”

“How about sticks and stones?”

“Small price for personal freedom.”

“Those your words?”

“Part grandfather.”

“Well, you’ve got cojones. Ever consider theatre?”

* * *

Before the end of the week, Levi was rumored to possess “mega-balls” by the jocks; “boulders” by the engineers; “classy clackers” by the band members, both male and female; and “grand balls” by the cast and crew of this year’s production of Les Dangerous Liaisons.

“So, it took wearing your mother’s clothing for your idiot friends to realize that you’re . . . you’re . . .”

“They aren’t really friends, Grandpa.”

“So what are they then?”

Levi thought about it.

“I guess support.”

“Nothing wrong with that, provided. . .”

Levi laughed.

“No drug cartels, no homicides, no trafficking, I swear.”

“Well, a little support can go a long way.”

“I’m glad I have you, Grandpa.”

“Tell me something . . . it’s still Levi, right?”

“I’ll let you know if it changes.”

“What’s it like wearing . . . is it drafty down there?”

“It feels free, Grandpa.”

“You know, you’re prettier than your grandmother.”

“Grandpa!”

“She’d be the first to agree.  I have something for you to look at.”

The old man handed Levi a shoebox of photographs.

“I remember these!”

The black-and-white photos were a timeline of his grandparents’ life together.  Parties, picnics, a garden wedding, his own mother as a baby, family gatherings. A common thread throughout caught Levi’s attention.

“Grandma always wore pants, didn’t she?”

“She was a rebel in her day. She infuriated people with her independent ways.  Our wedding was one of the few times I ever saw her wear a gown. I think it was the least comfortable day of her life.”

“Really?”

“Look. See the resentment? It wasn’t me caused that. If I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn’t care if all she wore was her birthday suit.”

“Grandpa!” 

“Exaggeration to make a point.”

“Nice job then. Well, I think she looks brave.”

“You remind me of her. I don’t miss her as much when you’re around.”

“Well, and that’s when you know it’s me, right?”

“I may know a bit more than I let on.”

“Spoiler alert, Grandpa. I know.”

*  *  *   

“You know, guys don’t own the market on cojones.”

Lily had no trouble locating Levi in the school library.  He was wearing lime-green silk and a black-and-white checked skirt. He had tasteful gold hoops in his newly pierced ears. 

“I don’t need convincing. I personally know some truly badass women.”

“Say, Levi, I wanted to ask. . .”

Levi watched Lily become slightly undone as she struggled to find the words.  She really was adorable, without pretense, and now very flustered.

“Why you . . . how you. . .”

“Lily, would you like to go out sometime?”

“I . . .”

Levi cursed his cellphone for sounding.  Then he saw it was a message from Graham.

“Gonna throw down party tonite. Join me?”

Levi read the text two more times, then looked up to see Lily smiling at him.  He smiled back.