Missed you

The alarm clock screams at the weary man to remind him to motivate. His eyes are twitching and he wrestles with his dreams and responsibilities at the end of his slumber. He sleeps well for a man so tormented because he does the right thing. Day after day, he smiles and hides his loses deep within his mind and chest along with all his broken pieces. Slowly he wakes to the fan blowing on him and his dog. The most loyal thing in his life.

He throws the covers over his dog, who isn't ready to face the world yet either, but they will. Slinging his short legs over the bed and stretching his neck he recalls a nice moment of his dream and smiles as thoughts of his work crush take over. He knows there's no chance, but the thought her smile and the attention he receives from her shines brightly through the cracks in his life like the sun through blinds as he stands up to open the window.

Today's a good day to have a good day he says to Charlie his loyal brown Brendel pitbull. "I gotta go face the world Charlie and get flirted with by you know who". He's been hurt before, he's a sucker for a girl the whispers when she walks by though. It doesn't bother him that she's playing a bit. She's beautiful like the way we all wished we felt about ourselves. Besides, they both seem to have the emotional or mental connection going on. After all the love that's been taken from him and for granted; she's a breathe of fresh air. It's been years for him since he's felt hope and he's convinced himself "she's worth it" one more time.

He once had a wife and four step children that he loved dearly. Even though his wife had left him, he always hung his hat on the fact that the step kids remained in his life for a few years after. Even going as far meeting his new girlfriend. It could of been worse. He could feel good about himself even in times of great loss knowing that he did right by his ex and those kids. His new girlfriend was great and an old friend at that. She moved in and his life was moving forward. They were even expecting a kid. One of his own, he couldn't of been stronger or more proud than he was. 9 months passed and the baby came and it wasn't his.

He puts this pain away in a night stand everyday and heads to work giving people the love, respect and attention to deserve in life.

Steadily he makes his way out of the house and tells Charlie "I'll be back bud". Getting in his old simple truck he leaves for his hour drive to work. Plenty of time for him minds to work out all the right things to say. Wondering if it will be seconds or minutes of genuine time he gets with his blossoming friend today. Yesterday she was so excited to see him when he got to work that she proclaimed his name out loud for everyone to hear "Alec!" She said "You need to tell that one story, I really want to hear it". His excitement grows as he's chuckles about a story he remembers starting the other day. "I will, I will" he exclaimed nervously. Thinking to himself "this is real, she really is into me!" He couldn't be happier. Thoughts continue to rage in his mind looking forward to seeing her again today. "maybe today I'll get the time to make her laugh and smile for more than a minute" he slightly lips the words he wishes she would say in response to him.

He's pulls into work full of grit and hope and locks his despair far far away. It's a normal Sat at the restaurant and things are just starting to bustle. She's no where to be seen yet. Anticipation filles his veins and his every breath grows stronger. There's nothing quite like the hope that you get from the smile and eyes you want to wake up next to. His head down, in his work he hears her laugh in the distance. Shouldn't be long he thinks nervously to himself.

He turns to his right to walk down the line for some equipment and sees her with her back turned to him filling up a bucket as she turns towards him. He has no reason to expect anything other than her warm smile and that way she says his name so softly. His heart starts to beat and his eyes begin to light up as turns to and goes right into staring at the handsome guy on his first day there with her. His hands were already start to wave as his finger started to give way to the sudden weight he felt as the hope escaped from his chest. It's wasn't till his long wave was almost over did her spell break and she uttered the word "hi". Turning her fleeting attention to him. "Oh, hey" is all he got from her from that day forward. He talked himself out of working there shortly there after and she won't speak to him now. She's was always too something for it to ever be true. He just wanted to feel alive again. They say, "only dead fish go with the flow" well he's not dead yet.

Never having pushed himself on her he didn't have her number or ways to contact her. He should of gave his number to her a long long time ago and put it in the universes hands. Now all that's left is time, the same empty heavy time he started with. He managed to send her one message on social media to explain his quite withdraw. She left it unopened even though she whispered to him that she was worried about him afterwards. Those damn whispers. After all of this, it's him that apologized. It will be him again too. We'll never know why he accepts the blame for things other people do to him. All I know is he'll try again.