CHECK

- Trigger warning: mental health -

Dan really envied people who could just grab their things and leave their house in a flash when they needed to go to work. This particular morning the thought hadn't crossed his mind yet, because things were going smoothly for once.

Despite having started his closing ceremony only a minute ago, he had already finished making sure the door to his balcony and the windows of his apartment were locked. The first great disaster had been prevented: burglary. Not only that, Dan had managed to do so without feeling the need to check it again. A new personal record.

But now it was time for the kitchen, the most challenging area for him because of three possible disasters that could happen here: a fire, a gas explosion or a flood (or God forbid, a combination). Even though he knew he had been able to prevent such disasters before thanks to his self-created ceremony, it still felt like a Herculean effort.

As he was staring at the kitchen floor, preparing himself for the task ahead, he looked briefly at his watch. 6 minutes left before he needed to be on his bike to catch the 07.56 train to work.

"Come on, you got this. Just check each thing once", he told himself. After taking a deep breath, he looked up and continued his ceremony.

First, he looked at each of the burners on the gas stove, in clock-wise order, softly whispering to himself "CHECK" each time he had visually confirmed the lack of a blue colored flame. After checking the last burner, he suddenly felt a slight urge to check all four of them again. He expertly pushed the feeling away by closing his eyes and moving on to the next part, where he tried to pick up gas-like odors and whisteling or hissing sounds. He smelled nor heard anything.

"CHECK".

He turned his gaze at the kitchen floor again and breathed a sigh of relief. Part one of the ceremony in the kitchen was done and he had prevented a fire and a gas explosion. Now it was time for part two: preventing a flood.

He opened his eyes and quickly shifted his attention to the kitchen sink and faucet. From the corner of his eye the gas burners were trying to lure him back, but Dan managed to keep his focus on the sink.

His watch indicated that there were 6 minutes left before he had to be on his way.

"Alright, keep moving forward, you got this."

He sank slightly through his knees so that he could see underneath the tip of the faucet where the water came out from.

"CHECK".

Next, he put his left hand underneath the tip of the faucet and moved it a few times from left to right. After a few seconds he concluded his hand was still dry.

"CHECK".

As he got up he sensed the same urge he had felt earlier with the gas burners. But this time it was stronger and accompanied by that familiar, annoying little voice inside his head.

"Are you really sure?".

It was the first time during today's ceremony he had heard it.

"Oh come on, just check it again, you've got plenty of time, right?".

Dan knew from experience that giving in would only make things worse. But the voice was just getting warmed up.

"What if the water would run on all day, spill over and flood your appartment? That would terrible, right?"

Rationally, Dan knew this scenario would not be realistic. He had just observed the water was not running (and he had learned some time ago thanks to Google that something called a 'sink overflow hole' would prevent this). But the usual mix of guilt and doubt induced by the voice was starting to grab a hold of Dan.

"Maybe I should just check it one more time. Better safe, than sorry..," he contemplated.

As he was about to put his hand beneath the tip of the faucet again, a yellow post-it note fell from his refrigerator, landing right in front of him on the kitchen floor. The post-it had apparently lost its stickiness. Dan picked it up. He stared at it for a moment and chuckled slightly.

"Don't Listen To It!!", the note said.

He had totally forgotten he had put the post-it on his fridge last year. But despite using his fridge everyday he had only looked at it once. It was just what he needed at this moment. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "Everything is fine, continue and do what the post-it says", he said to himself.

With 3 minutes left Dan slowly backed out of the kitchen, making sure to look at the floor while doing so. When he was at the edge of the kitchen area, he hesitated for a few seconds before looking up and giving the kitchen one final, quick glance.

"CHECK".

He swiftly turned around and made his way down the narrow hallway leading to the front door of his apartment.

"What are you doing? Go back, you're making a mistake!".

The voice was relentless, but Dan knew he had to press on. If he would go back now, he would have to re-check the entire kitchen. And maybe more one or two more times after that.

It was only 3 meters to his front door, but it seemed like a lifetime to get there. It was almost as if the voice was physically clinging on to him while at the same time he had to wade through a thick layer of mud.

"You are being irresponsible! Go back you idiot!" the voice hammered on.

Dan kept on moving, trying to wrestle himself free from the voice's clutches.

When he finally got to his front door, he quickly opened it, stepped outside and firmly closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing? Go back inside!", the voice said.

But Dan knew he had almost set himself free. He only had to lock the front door and leave. 1 minute to go before he needed to be on his bike. This was it.

His hand was shaking as he tried to put the key into the lock. He took a deep breath again to calm himself down and tried it again, this time with success. To make sure the door was really closed, he pulled the door knob towards him three times.

"CHECK".

He raced down the stairs of the appartment building to where his bike was, unlocked it and hopped on.

"Are you sure you closed your front door? What if you left it open? People could steal your stuff, you know!", the voice tried one last time.

But Dan was already on his way to the train station. When he got there, he quickly parked his bike and sprinted up the stairs to platform 2. With only a few seconds to go he squeezed himself into the 07.56 train. He was still breathing heavily as he found himself a seat and sat down. As he wiped the sweat from his face, he smiled proudly. Because today he had won.