Exit

Paul surreptitiously looked left, then right, for any onlookers. Seeing the coast clear, he gingerly placed the tape dispenser into the file box on his desk. Another quick glance around, and in went the stapler. No one would want to disinfect these when he was gone, he reasoned, and he wasn’t the first to take their desk supplies when they’d quit. He felt no guilt at his kleptomania.

It took him longer to clean out his desk than he would have imagined. After an hour of file shredding and clashing with his sense of nostalgia, his desk was finally clear. The pictures of his family, a few notebooks filled with his scrawling and doodles, along with his Lego builds and Toy Story figurines, joined the tape and staples. He’d thrown in his headset for good measure.

Ten years of toil and triumph, capped by a year of rejection and disrespect, were about to end without any pomp or circumstance. An exit interview, and a stop by his manager's office were all that was left on his final agenda. No one had planned a farewell party; he lamented that the culture in his department didn't lend itself to celebrations. It was one of the reasons he was leaving. He was buoyed, however, by the thought of getting together with friends after the fact.

He secured the lid over the box and gave it a gentle pat. "Stay safe, my little friends," he whispered to the contents. "It's time for me to explain my exit to HR. This should be fun." If anyone heard his muttering, they weren’t giving themselves away.

After tracing a convoluted path through the building, Paul rapped his knuckle sharply against the HR manager's closed door. A muffled "Come in," barely escaped, and Paul obeyed.

Paul offered nothing more than a clipped greeting to the man sitting behind his desk. "Frank."

"Paul." Frank similarly replied, with a nod, as he indicated the chair in front of his desk. Paul scowled as he considered Frank’s oversized office. Not only was there room for the desk and its two chairs at the back of the office, but there was a couch off to the side and a small table flanked by two more chairs nearer the door. The office was easily 12 feet square, with plenty of room to maneuver. Frank wasn’t worthy of such comfort, in Paul’s estimation.

Paul took a seat at one of the chairs by the table, as far away from Frank as possible. Frank considered this for a moment and started to rise. Paul forestalled him. "No, no. You're fine right there." Frank froze mid stand, and his expression turned sour. Shaking his head, he relented and re-seated himself.

Paul hadn’t even considered sitting on the couch. The idea of sitting that close to Frank made Paul uneasy, but joining its current occupant would have been inappropriate. Paul had rarely ever had direct interaction with the VP of HR, Veronica Cardsworth, but there she was in her light blue pantsuit, legs and arms both crossed. She offered Paul a silent nod, and a warm smile.

Frank briefly turned to his computer screen and pulled something up before getting right down to business. "Let's go over the answers you provided in your written exit questionnaire. What were your expectations when you joined the company, and were they met?"

Paul nodded with a smile. "As a person fairly new to the software development industry at the time, I expected to learn and take part in the development life cycle, and that expectation was certainly met. As a result, I'm well prepared for my next role."

Frank typed a few notes before continuing. "Okay, good. Did you feel adequately prepared and equipped with the right tools to perform your job?"

Paul shrugged at this one. "For the most part. I think our ticketing system for Support is a piece of crap, but I was trained well, and the company provided ongoing training and learning opportunities. I was able to learn new skills for software development, including programming languages and tools of the trade, all of which I'll need for my next role,” to which he added, with mock enthusiasm, ”so that’s a win!"

Frank obliviously clacked at his keyboard, and Paul rolled his eyes with impatience. It hadn’t been Paul’s intention to expose his animus quite so soon. He’d hoped to string Frank along with his performance for at least a few more questions. To Frank’s credit, he seemed unaware of Paul’s impatient gesture. Frank continued, unperturbed. "Did you feel valued and recognized within the company?"

Paul lifted his hand, palm down, and waggled it from side to side. "So so. I received several awards for my work with customers and skill with the software, and I had multiple promotions within Support. But in recent years, that didn’t seem to translate into growth opportunities outside my department. My next role will be the culmination of that hard work."

The repeated reference to Paul's next role, outside the company, that of a software tester, wasn’t lost on Frank. He subtly shook his head.

"How would you describe the company's culture?" Frank asked, a sense of unease slipping into his voice.

Paul looked to the VP as he answered, "As a whole, Widget Software is fair-minded, inclusive, and has a strong focus on training and growth. It's also a fun place to work, with frequent activities, and food." Still looking at the VP, he added, "Unfortunately, the sanctioning of inappropriate behavior seems to have crept into parts of the culture."

The VP raised an eyebrow at that, and Frank glanced over at her briefly before asking the next question. He was no longer typing.

"Would you recommend this company as a good place to work?" Frank asked, clearly flustered now.

"Widget Software is a great company to work for," Paul began, staring Frank down, "but I would dissuade anyone from working in Support, and I might suggest they avoid a certain hiring manager." Frank turned his head at that, meeting Paul’s eyes with his own piercing glare.

Taking a breath, Frank replied calmly to the jab. "Well, we respect your honesty, Paul. We appreciate that you've taken the time to review your answers, and we thank you for your years of service and wish you the best in…in your next role." Frank’s tone seemed dismissive, ending the interview. Paul had other plans.

Paul didn’t move from his seat. Instead, he pulled a folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket and opened it with slow deliberation, "No, I don't think we're done. You missed a few questions."

"Excuse me?" Frank blubbered.

"Well, I wasn't sure that we'd have an audience,” Paul nodded to the VP as he replied, “but I think since we do…thank you for attending Ms. Cardsworth…I'd like to review a few additional questions and answers."

Ms. Cardsworth tilted her head and floated a bemused look toward Frank, who sat silently shellshocked.

"Let's start with the question, 'Why are you leaving the company?'" Paul asked the room at large, to which he answered himself, "I'm leaving the company because I'm tired of being denied opportunities by my manager and HR, and I'm no longer willing to tolerate sexual harassment toward myself or others from Arnold Parren."

Ms. Cardsworth's head snapped to face Paul, and a choked, “What?!” escaped her throat.

Frank's already pale face had taken on a patina of sickness, and sweat began to build at his hairline. “This is a joke, right Paul? You can’t be serious. Saying things like that is not a laughing matter.” Defending himself, Frank turned to Ms. Cardsworth. “This is untrue. There have been no reports of harassment brought to my office by Paul or any other employee.”

Facing Ms. Cardsworth, Paul explained, “I can’t really speak for anyone else, but I’ve complained. I’m only sorry that Frank hasn’t followed through on it. But I feel better that it’s out in the open now.”

Ms. Cardsworth sat forward on the couch, no longer relaxed. “Frank, I think you’re going to have some explaining to do when we’re done here.”

Frank sat staring at his desktop as he whispered, “I can’t believe this is happening."

Paul continued, a subtle smirk twisting his lips before he caught himself. “I did want to touch on the last three items on the exit questionnaire. ‘What suggestions do you have for improving the company?’, ‘What changes or improvements would you suggest to enhance the overall employee experience?’, and, ‘Is there anything we could have done to prevent you from leaving?’ The answer to all three questions is the same. Fire my now ex-manager, for sexual harassment, and fire Frank here for knowingly enabling Arnold."

Distressed by the implications, Ms. Cardsworth nodded knowingly. And she should know. Paul had been the one to invite her, and had given her a head's up that there would be disturbing revelations. "Thank you for your insight, Paul. We will seriously consider your suggestions. I, for one, am sorry to see you go. May I call you later to discuss this further?"

Paul stood, nodded his approval, and walked out the door.

Paul was giddy as he walked the halls back to his desk to retrieve his box of goodies. His performance had been nearly flawless, but sufficient for the task. His victory was incomplete, however. There was one thing missing.

As he entered the Support Center, ringed with windows all around, Paul saw his freedom a few mere steps away. He nevertheless continued down the aisle until he reached Arnold's office.

Arnold looked up and smiled. "So, this is it? You're done? I'm truly sorry to see you go, Paul. I know we’ve had our differences recently, but I hope you won’t hold it against me that we weren’t able to get you into a new position. I’m glad you were able to make it work out for you with a new company. I wish you all the best, and I hope you’re happy,” he said with sincerity.

Paul looked back in time to notice Ms. Cardsworth walking toward them. “Things are certainly looking up for me, Arnold,” Paul said with a devilish grin. “This is turning out to be a great day.”

Ms. Cardsworth briefly greeted Paul as she entered Arnold’s office and closed the door.

Paul was walking on sunshine as he made his way to retrieve his box of spoils. As he walked toward the exit, Paul heard a heated argument brewing from Arnold’s office. Picking up the pace, Paul mused at the chaos he’d created on his way out and the circumstances that led to his exit. He should not have been overlooked for promotions, and being called inconsistent and vindictive were the last straw.

Paul’s deception would be exposed soon enough, but he would be long gone, with a shiny new job to enjoy.

Free of guilt, Paul would enjoy the weekend, knowing that Frank and Arnold would not.

END