New York

The city that never sleeps. It was probably also one where the city’s habitants slept four in an efficiency bedroom to make rent and didn’t have the concept of a backyard. Everything and everyone was packed like sardines. How could anyone either large or wide survive in this city of cramped spaces and overflowing people?

But they lived like everyone else did. When no one else did, I noticed them. But it was easy to notice things whenever you were pretty invisible and alone in a town like this. It was too easy to keep to myself, especially when traveling with magazines and articles about the recent law changes in immigration.

And it was especially easy to be alone when going to the office on everyone's day off.

I decided to go in and get work done; I didn’t really have anywhere else to be. My family was in Texas, and I didn’t get to go home for the holidays. Flights were pricey this time of year and I didn’t want to have to deal with the new year rush. A lot of people took the day off. I didn’t really want to spend the day in my apartment. It was nice, not as big as anything I could find in Texas for half the price. I couldn't complain too much though; it was provided to me by work in a relatively safe location. 

I was helping expand this law firm, a branch of the one I worked for in Dallas. I showed potential and was shipped across the country. Great...I guess. I had my own office and my own authoritative voice here. There was more respect here, given that I was a female. But if we were looking at numbers, I wasn't of any importance or significance; I was still simply another lawyer in the big city. 

We were going to start the year by hitting the ground running, and since I had nothing to celebrate at the end of this year, I figured I should take one for the team and just try to get ahead on some of the work. 

So I walked into the office with my key and turned on the lights. The office always looked quite drab; I knew all offices did, but everyone here wore gray and black pantsuits and solid print shirts. There was nothing in this place that inspired any feeling other than numb professionalism. It completed the picture as to why I found life to be so monotonous.

I stood by the window, watching all of the people walk by, groups of dancing little ants that framed the ground. Some couples walked, holding hands. There were families taking pictures together. There were a couple of people walking alone here and there, but for the most part, it seemed like I was witnessing intimate moments between different relationships. 

I stared for a bit before going to my office. A swelling filled my chest, so I gathered all the pictures on my desk and in my office and laid them carefully in one of my drawers as quickly and carefully as I could. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and then reopening them when I finally felt ready. Then I sat down, and in the deafening silence, I began to work.

I worked for a long time. My mind was desperate to cling to any escapism that it could so I was able to focus. A lot of places were doing New Years Eve parties and others were closing early. I decided to eat before going to my apartment, so I didn’t have to deal with the mess that it would be once we began to approach midnight. I didn’t want to be outside for that. 

I went to my favorite deli sandwich shop place. The owners were from Alabama and surprisingly progressive. I appreciated someone that could bring a bit of comfort food to a place so far away. I knew that the couple had flown back home to celebrate with some siblings, but the establishment would continue to run under the care of their nephew and surrogate son, Michael. 

I waved at Michael as I walked in before taking a seat next to a table next to a window. Snow was supposed to start falling down soon. The heater was on here; winter apparel became a health risk. I took my scarf and coat off, placing it on the chair across from me. I left my beanie on because hat hair was a real thing. 

“Can I get you started with something to drink?” a new male waiter asked. His name tag read ‘Cole’.

I hadn’t bothered looking at the menu that had been placed on my table. My presence in the city wasn’t one of variety.  

“Sweet tea with light ice and broccoli and cheddar soup in a bread bowl, please,” I said, handing him the menu. 

“I’ll have that right out for you,” he said, kindly before taking the menu and stepping away.

I looked out of the window. A group of high schoolers walked by, laughing, some girls with arms linked and one dancing about. The dancer looked so carefree as she swayed and spinned around her friends. 

I watched as the people passed. All of them probably had someone to spend the holidays with. They weren’t alone and longing for company. For them, tonight wasn’t an inconvenience. They didn’t feel like a burden to others. 

My train of thought was interrupted by a group of people, 3 couples, that were entering the restaurant. They sat together in a table at the center, loud and festive. They were going to warm up, do a bit of shopping, and then going to stand outside to wait for the ball to drop for about four hours. 

All of them were a bit bundled up. Thank goodness. New Yorkers or not, we were going to get snow at some point tonight. Better if we all just took precautions and didn't get sick. 

My sweet tea arrived with Cole acknowledging that the soup would be out soon. I gave him a nod and stirred my tea with the straw, the ice melting into the hot tea to produce a warm drink. I took a sip, feeling a bit of the warmth of home. 

I checked my phone. No messages. I snorted. As if I expected differently. Tonight was likely to be an early night for me, just like I tried to make both days.

I pulled up an article on my phone on the new immigration law prospects that would be presented in the coming year. It was easier to focus on work most of the time. That granted me something to do rather than overhearing conversations about the new shoes the table behind me wanted to get their hands on as soon as midnight hit or a girl deciding which party she was going to tonight. 

My soup arrived and I dropped pieces from the cut out bread into the soup. I took a bite of the bread crust, the part that would never truly soften if dropped in soup. 

I submerged those pieces of bread before scraping the inner bowl to release soft bread. I closed my eyes and took a bite. 

"Any plans for tonight, Diana?" a voice said in front of me.

I opened my eyes, startled. It was Roberto Diaz, another lawyer in the firm. He took the seat across from me. 

I shook my head. "Probably just gonna watch TV and go to bed early."

"You went to work today." He said it without question, as if he knew that for sure. 

"Maybe." 

"Nope. I saw you there. We have cameras, you know." 

"Alright." I took another spoonful of soup. 

"Diana, we agreed for the office to have the day off. It's New Year's Eve in the city that celebrates it the biggest way." 

"I had things to do."

He waited for a second before looking out the window. "Come out with me and some friends tonight. We are waiting for the ball to drop." 

"I'm not standing in the middle of that mess," I told him as I kept eating. 

"On a rooftop, Dee."

I sighed and let my spoon sink into the soup. 

"You could use a night out. You look like you haven't had fun in ages." 

"I just want to be home, sleeping." 

"We aren't working tomorrow either. Sleep in." 

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples before looking out the window. The snow was starting to fall. We didn't get much snow in Texas. It almost looked magical. 

A night in the snow couldn't hurt. 

"Fine."

#

Roberto lived close to me and the rooftop had heaters thankfully. There was liquor and beer and snacks available. 

"Come on, Dee," Roberto said before going behind the bar. "Whatcha like?" 

"Straight whiskey, please," I replied. 

"Man, you have courage," a blonde said, appearing in a sparkly long sleeve dress. 

"Diana, this is my wife, Colleen. Colleen, this is Diana."

She pulled me into an embrace, catching me off guard. "I've heard so much about you. I guess the whiskey makes sense."

I looked at Roberto. "What did you tell her?"

"The truth. You're fierce in a courtroom and you don't take anyone's shit." 

I laughed before taking a sip of the whiskey. I loved the way it always warmed my chest. I felt cold too often these days.

"Well, feel free to anything here. If you need anything, well, you know how to get to the apartment," Colleen said before going to greet other guests. 

"She's so nice," I told Roberto. 

He looked in her direction, and there was so much affection in his eyes. "Yeah. She's a dream come true." Then he looked at me. "There's more to life than work, Dee. You're young, especially for a lawyer. You already are well in your way to make a name for yourself. But you have to go and live before life passes you by." 

He walked over and patted my shoulder before joining his wife to greet the crowd of people that was emerging quickly. I found a spot near the corner where I could see the ball from a distance, happy to be away from the giant crowd of people that were causing traffic jams closer to town square. 

How easy it was for all of these people to be happy and together. I'd been in New York for a year, and I didn't have any friends here yet, not really. I was simply a witness to windows of other people's lives. 

I used to think Roberto wasn't as lucky as I was because he missed out on opportunities at work due to his family life. But now, standing here in this rooftop, he was the lucky one. He had a family to spend holidays with and friends that showed up to his events. All of these people were probably at his wedding. All of these people would probably show up after he and his wife have a kid. He probably was only alone when he wanted to. Not because he had to be. 

I downed my whiskey and trotted to get a double before returning to my spot to people-watch both on the roof and on the ground. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. So I simply kept drinking amidst the crowd, time passing faster the faster I drank. 

When the countdown started, people began to embrace their loved ones, preparing for the final moments of this year. I spotted Roberto in the crowd. He held his wife tenderly, in a way that made my stomach churn. 

Suddenly, air seemed in short supply, and I couldn't breathe very well. I downed the remnants of my drink before putting the cup on the ledge. I pushed my way to get inside the building as the kissing started. 

Home. I needed to get home. 

Tears poked my eyes. 

Alone, the voice said. You are alone.

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, hyperventilating. Once I got to the ground floor, I ran outside, heading home. The tears fell out of my eyes, big and heavy. I started wheezing, but I didn't stop running. 

Alone.

Alone. 

Alone. 

I didn't know how much time had passed but I realized I was a block from my apartment. Home. I was home. 

I took a step forward and didn't notice the car coming. I heard a screech, heard ice crack, and saw the car swerving with the wheels going in the opposite direction. It was all happening in slow motion. Suddenly, I was launched to the ground, and my head felt warm. 

Alone. 

My eyes started to flutter as a face approached my line of sight. He was quite beautiful, soft light brown eyes poking through his winter gear. His nose was red to match his flushed face.

"Ma'am? Can you hear me?" he called out. 

I couldn't answer him or move my head. I wanted to tell him I was fine. I tried to blink away the tears, but they fell anyway. Something red was pooling on the floor. 

I tried to look at him, to make a connection with him to save myself.

And the world turned black.