Tolerate It

Sweat was clinging onto her shirt. Her highlighters were scattered messily across the table and her papers were filled with doodles. Just one more minute. One more minute until she could finally go back home. One more minute until she could finally hang out with James.

   Betty hated high school, and she couldn’t wait until she graduated. The hours of homework and class made her want to curl up and listen to Taylor Swift all day. It was mid June, and the summer heat was suffocating here in Woodvale. Just one more minute. Time had never passed so slowly.

   Finally, the bell rang, and she ran out of the classroom, her things already in her bag. She ran into the hallway and out of the doors until she reached the cafe door where she had promised to wait for James. She wiped the beads of sweat off her face as she slid her phone out of her pocket. She texted James, the sound of her nails clicking against her screen and the birds chirping, blending in together, “Hey, are you almost here yet?”

   His response was quick, as it always was, which brought a smile to Betty’s face. “Yeah, just a sec.”

   She turned her phone off, staring at the birds fluttering and jumping in the trees. She didn’t know if she wanted to leave this place for college. There were so many other good universities out there, and her grades were on top of the class, but she really loved this place.

   “Hey Betty!” The sound of her boyfriend’s voice jerked her out of her daydream, and when he got closer, he added, “Thanks for waiting for me.”

   Betty smiled, “No problem.”

   She reached out to take his backpack and her other hand slipped into his, “How was school?”

   He made a face, “It was ok, but August was drawing over my notes and now I don’t have any. At least she’s sending me hers.”

   Betty stopped walking, “Who’s August? You never talked to me about her. A-are you hiding her from me…?” Her voice trailed off.

   James pushed her on a little, “No, chill girl, you’re being overdramatic.” He quickened his pace, “She’s in my physics class.”

   Betty shook off her fear. Yeah. Just a classmate. She had to calm down. She was being too loud. She had to just stop for a second. That’s it. Just a friend. Just a classmate. Nothing else.

   She reached for his hand, but as their hands were about to meet, he pulled his hand away slightly. It was probably only a subconscious reaction, but she didn’t go any further. She pulled her hand back to herself and walked along with him.

   James didn’t seem to notice anything, “I need to go to the library, I still have homework. I’m supposed to read this whole book by tomorrow.”

   Betty nodded, trying to keep up to his fast pace, but both of their bags were dragging her slower. James walked on, turning back only after a few minutes, “Betty, I’ll go first if you can’t walk that fast. Meet you there.”

   She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to, because he was already running towards the library. She carried both of their bags, walking slowly until she reached the library too. She took off her bags and took out her notes, sliding into the chair opposite James. He was reading with his head low, his lashes fluttering as he blinked, his golden brown hair falling in messy waves in his face as he flipped through the pages. He really was beautiful, his lips slightly parted, his eyes not leaving the pages of his book.

   She shook off the lingering fear and took out her computer to do her homework, trying to distract herself. Seriously, she had to shake it off.

* * *

Betty tossed and turned on their bed, waiting for sleep, but it never came. Frustrated, she gave up and sat up. She took her watch from her nightstand to check the time. 2 am. She wasn’t asleep, her mind was alive. Who did he love? Did he want her as much as she wanted him? For some reason, she thought he was pulling away, forcing a smile on his face, growing distant. And as she watched him breathing with his eyes closed, her mind replayed everything. She noticed every single tiny detail, what he did and did not do. But he was a whole year older than her, 17 already, and she knew she couldn’t expect him to notice everything about her. After all, he was just a teenage boy. But she waited for him everyday, by the door of the corner cafe like she was a little kid being picked up by her parents. She gave him her all, tried to show him her best self. She prepared everything for him, held his bags for him. She knew she didn’t mind doing it, and she would do it again and again, but it seemed like he didn’t care. She never even heard one word of appreciation or gratitude. She pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away, but he was drifting away further each time, and she knew it wouldn’t be long until he drifted away completely from her.

Maybe he actually didn’t care. But he said he loved her, so why did it seem like he was just tolerating it? All her love and her care. She really, really hoped that someone could shake her and tell her that it was all in her head, that she got it wrong somehow. But she knew any other boy would celebrate her love, but he just tolerated it. 

And somehow, she knew deep down that this was going to go down in flames. She just hoped that the high was worth the pain that would soon arrive. Maybe one day he’d realize that you never know a good thing until it’s gone. But by then it would probably be too late for both of them.