Renaissance

Frost settled upon his windowpane, as Kevin gazed out of the window for the umpteenth time. The trees silently nodded their heads to the chilly winds. A dusty SUV and few gardening tools that looked out of use embraced the snow-covered parking lot. The night was silent for the exception of a soft and melodious carol that came rustling out of the church. Families at this time could be seen exchanging gifts, sweets and spreading their own way of love.

Wood crackled in the fire that lit in the hearth; essentially fire was the only thing giving Kevin a feeling of life.

Kevin looked at the house, the house that was once a home. He had everything he asked for: A family that revolved around him – the home that echoed with a child’s laughter; his wife who sat on the very chair that faced him right now; people he could talk to when returned home from work. To think that he lost it all in a second, just pulled his heart down. Even the greatest of Christmas joys could not cheer him up; for all he seemed was lost and desolate. The beer was nearly complete, but even that could not fill his empty heart.

Sleep was his saviour right now; he could forget all about his worries and his lost mind and sink into the perfect world that he wished for right now. Just as he turned to turn in for the night, he heard footsteps of a heavy boot, making its way through the snow-covered path.  A visitor at this time of the night, on Christmas Eve? He peeked out to see the visitor’s face, but could not see his face, even with the help of dim street lamp. The footsteps made its way across the tiny steps near the door. Kevin waited anxiously. He rarely had visitors these days, and to have someone visit on Christmas Eve was highly unusual. After what it seemed like hours, the doorbell rang through and its sound pierced Kevin’s ears, for he had been standing so close to the door and the alarm. Steadying himself, he turned the doorknob slowly, as the chill wind gushed inside his apartment.

Shivering, he asked “What do you require sir?” .

“Hey Kevin! I am seeing you after a long time…quite a man you have grown to be” visitor said with a chuckle.

Taken aback by the informality and with a fluctuation in his voice “You do seem to know my

Name… May I know your name?”

“Come on Kevin, don’t you know your uncle David?” said the man, with a confused look on his face.

“Uncle David…I don’t seem to remember…” that was all he could utter with sleep and alcohol coursing through his veins.

The next thing he could remember was lying on his sofa.

“Oh my young fellow … you have had quite a few drinks, didn’t you?” David said with a strong laughter.

“I am sorry that I am unable to recognize you, uncle…?” Muttered Kevin.

“David. Do not worry Kevin, I was just kidding. It has been a long time son, since I met you. You were this little kid running around in trousers around this house. Now, you have grown to be quite a young man. Astonishing how time can change everything.” David trailed off.

“Sorry for my bad manners… but May I ask to whom you were related to, uncle?”

“I am your mother’s third sister’s husband. We lived in this city for a while, before moving off to Chicago when the mining industry boomed up. Quite a glorious time it was for business.”

“Oh pardon me uncle, but neither did mom nor dad inform me of your arrival,” said Kevin with a bit of doubt in his voice.

“That’s because I came here on an urgent business and since you were living here, I decided to come over to celebrate Christmas with you. Merry Christmas son, I brought this fine wine here. Here, let me make a toast to our good health and our families… Speaking of which, where is your wife and your daughter, son?” David inquired in a spirited voice.

Waves of memories lashed at Kevin’s throat. He tried to open his mouth, but words would not come out of it. He tried his best to change the topic “How is aunt …?”

“Jessica? Ah, she is fine. She sends her greetings and regards to you, along with my daughter Christina. Christina is turning twenty in few days from now, and she wants a quite grand gift for her birthday. What do you think of gifting her a Porsche, son?” David said in a near excited state.

“Porsche? I think she is a bit young for a costly car. Uh…. It doesn’t matter anyway; given her happiness is all the matters”.

“There you go my son! Porsche it is then.”

“Let me call mom and inform her of your arrival,” said Kevin. Kevin picked up his cell phone to call his mom.

After few moments, the call connected “Hey Mom, Uncle David is here” said Kevin as he handed his phone over to David.

“Hey Jennifer, Merry Christmas to you and Bob! Its David here. Oh yeah, I was in the city for some business and came over here to celebrate eve with Kevin. Jessica and Christina send their wishes and regards. Me? I will be leaving in the morning. Oh, you want to talk to Kevin. Sure…” David handed over the phone.

“Ok Mom, you know I hate Christmas. I will talk to you in the morning,” said Kevin as he cut the call.

“You hate Christmas, son? Does it have to do with your current situation?”

“My current situation? What do you mean by that uncle?”

“Look at you Kevin. Your eyes droop with sadness, beyond measure .They speak a different language than what your mouth speaks. You keeping looking at the mantle on which rests the pictures of your wife and your daughter. Speak out son and wash your sadness away with another bottle of this wine”.

“I am fine…fine Uncle”…but that was all he could say before a great dam he had been holding up let loose.

“I am a withered plant and my remains are scattered through the air .I feel despair beyond hope at life. Joy that Christmas gives me is not sufficient to overcome the pain I am undergoing.”

“What happened, son?”

“It was Christmas eve, 2 years ago. At this same place, Kate had prepared a beautiful cake and placed it under the Christmas tree that we had installed, right over there. Sara, my beautiful baby was running around this very table. What a beautiful smile she had. Kate was looking beautiful too.

It was like that every time she smiled; an arrow pierced my heart and stuck in there forever. I liked the way my Kate’s hair moved every time she nodded her head. The sounds of laughter- it is as if the room was full of them, with the echoes of it. Now it all feels empty- without my Kate and Sara…

My world, it is just a machine. There is nothing that fascinates me anymore, than the thought of seeing their faces again. Oh, what would I give to see their faces again !”

“How did it all happen son?” David asked with a concern.

“The SUV that you see outside… never would I have thought that, that was the last time I would get to ride with my family.” Kevin had become an inconsolable mess at this point of time.

“We were getting ready to go to the church for an early mass on the eve… the ride was filled with our whole family singing Christmas carol. She even wanted a remote control toy as a gift for the New Year. That’s when it happened.”

“I was getting around changing the radio and that’s when I noticed: A giant container truck speeding right towards us. The road was slippery and I swerved the SUV. Though we escaped the truck, we hit a tree and the next thing I know I was lying in a hospital with several doctors around me.

Even though I survived the incident, my wife and my child were not fortunate enough to survive the incident. I could not bear to see the body of my wife and my daughter….” He trailed off with his eyes flowing with tears. David had tears in his eyes too and he immediately hugged Kevin in the great moment of sorrow.

David retained his composure and began to talk “It hurts to see you like this, son. You are lost in a maze, out of which nobody, but you can find the way out. You have a good heart, but you have blinded yourself with a cloth and you refuse to see the daylight.”

“What do you want me to do uncle? What I did is not forgivable in any circumstance.”

“Just give yourself some space. The Dead have moved on .It’s the living that is bound to the dead by shackles of bondage, emotions, and memories. You need to understand that it wasn’t your mistake and have to try letting go of that tragedy.”

“You speak high words uncle, I would do anything at this point to make the pain go away. However, there seems to be no more emotion that can make me forgive myself. Believe me, I have tried to, but it haunts me every day.”

“Sorrow is something everyone needs to deal with, just like in your case…the death of your loved ones .Think about your parents. This is something that they do not deserve to see. They did not bring you into the world just to see you wither away like this. Kate does not deserve it. Sara does not deserve it. You need to get yourself out of this mess.”

“You are right. My Parents nor Kate nor Sara deserves this. Maybe I can find peace by forgiving myself. I have responsibilities to finish and self-wallow does not make up for that. Maybe this Christmas I need to find salvation for myself. Thank you Uncle David. I badly needed help. This is a painful process, but with a little help, I will be able to get out of it. Right now, I am so tired that I need to get some sleep. You can sleep on my bed while I sleep on the couch. See you in the morning Uncle David”.

“See you in the morning Kevin” said David with a little smirk on his face.

The morning that day was as beautiful as the sun’s slanting rays fell across the snow. It was as if Kevin had already found redemption for himself. He gazed at the children enjoying the snow-playing snowman. He prepared a nice coffee for himself and for his uncle. He strangely seemed to have no kind of hangover. He peeked into his room and saw an empty bed.

Besides, it was a small note that read

“Hi Kevin

Hope you had a good morning. As said, I have to leave on urgent business but I assure that my next visit will be longer than this one. Enjoy the world around you. Find peace for yourself.

Yours lovingly,

David”.

He opened the door and greeted the sunlight that splashed upon his face. On the footsteps lay a small white dove with a message tied to its legs “Sometimes the greatest gift that we can give ourselves is, remember to forgive ourselves . This dove would symbolize the need for inner peace and understanding that we need to become better version of our self.  Take it one-step at a time and learn to love yourself, learn to let go of things that hold us down. I hope one visit would be enough for a lifetime.

God”

Kevin was hard stuck with words. His eyes were filled tears. He looked up at the sun and muttered “Thank you.”

He still had the pain stinging him, but it felt like it was lesser than what it was yesterday. With a glimmer of hope, he turned to pick the dove and let it fly.