A Confession

Heavenly.

If I could think of one word to describe the feelings that well up within me whenever I see Caroline Summer, that would probably be it.

I don't even know when my fascination of her turned into something deeper. Was it freshman year, when I first saw her in school? Or was it during sophomore, when I would frequently find her befriending the lonely kids, the ones written off as losers by the popular kids? Was I enchanted by her when I heard her singing in junior year? Maybe it's now, in senior year standing outside her shop, as I watch her expertly crafting that cake.

All I know is that I'm totally, irredeemably, hopelessly in love with this girl, and that I will probably die if I don't tell her how I feel tonight.

It's 9 already. My plan was to go in and ask her out once the customers left, which was usually by 9:30. She'd probably be alone with her little sister by the time, cleaning up and closing shop. At that time I'd jump in and tell her everything I've been bottling up inside my heart and leave the rest in her hands. I've been a coward for three long years. Today I won't be.

Our story is quite normal, all things considered. We had a few classes together where we sat next to each other. She had these freckles, quite a few pimples and a very infectious smile. From the get go I could tell she had character. The way she stood up to bullies fearlessly and the readiness with which she was willing to help out anyone in need was testament to that fact. In time, we became very good friends, I could even say we became best friends. Everyday going to class was a joy because this girl was there.

I got to know her better. I learned that my hunch about her being strong was right. Her mom got paralysed in an accident when she was 12. Soon after, her dad left home without saying a word, leaving Caroline behind to take care of her paralysed mother and baby sister who was just months old at the time. Her uncle came to her rescue, financing her education, paying the medical bills, and being the father that she needed. Now she works part time at her uncle's bakery, as if to show her gratitude for all he's done in her life.

"I don't hate my father", she once told me. "Maybe I did when I was little and didn't know any better, but now, as I've grown older, I just don't. I'd like to believe that he was just weak and afraid of the responsibilities on his shoulders at the time. I'd like to see him one day."

"What would you say to him?" I asked.

"That it's all alright and that he needn't be afraid." She answered nonchalantly, leaving me in awe.

This was probably what attracted me to her the most, just how good a person she was. She really had a heart full of compassion, one that strived to understand people, especially their pain. For her, caring for people was just natural, something that simply flowed from her very being. She was as genuine as they come. She had an appearance that was what I could only describe as being easy on the eye. It's not like she was Margot Robbie or anything. But believe me when I tell you this, with all due respect to the beautiful Mrs.Robbie, I'd trade a lifetime with her just to see Caroline smile.

Whenever I looked at this girl, I knew that I was gazing at the most beautiful thing in the world.

Now, here I was at the door to the shop looking in, hyping myself up for the biggest event of my life: confessing my love to Caroline Summer.

"You've got this", I told myself. I had prepared as much as I could. I even took the day off. I practiced what I was going to say to her in front of the mirror. I went to the gym twice, in the morning for chest and in the evening for biceps and triceps, hoping she'd notice them, despite the fact that they were average at best. I showered, put on the best clothes I could find, hyped myself up listening to motivational speeches all the way from home to the cake shop and now faced the ultimate test: actually executing the plan.

It seemed God blessed me that day. The customers left by 9. The little sister was nowhere to be found. Caroline was the only one in the shop. The perfect setting for a socially awkward guy like me to confess.

"Now or never", I whispered under my breath and entered inside.

Caroline turned around with a surprised expression, which eased into a smile as soon as she saw that it was me.

"Jamie boy!" she exclaimed. "So you're alive after all."

Did I mention I took three days off of school just to work up the courage I needed for this moment? Did I also mention that she called like, four times today to check up on me? I must've surely mentioned how I didn't answer a single one of those calls because, well honestly, I was scared.

That darned smile of hers, my favorite thing in the world, was beaming now, making my knees weak.

"Hey", I answer with a smirk, trying to hide the nuclear explosions going off inside my mind. I mustered up all the courage I had for what I was about to say.

"Look, Carol, I need to tell you something. I think it's very important that I say it right now."

"Whoa, the guy who was too busy to pick up his phone for THREE STRAIGHT DAYS wants to have a conversation, huh?" The sarcasm in her voice was pretty obvious.

Somehow I was annoyed at her reaction. I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. I've been obsessing over this moment for the past four years of my life, probably. I understood that she might maneuver the conversation away from it's seriousness, so I decided to get straight to the point.

"Caroline, I love y—"

The moment I uttered these words Caroline's expression changed. It went from it's usual laid back tranquility to one of absolute attention. She looked at me with eyes that bore into my very being.

I froze.

Realizing that the situation was becoming increasingly awkward I frantically thought of something.

"Cakes. I love your cake making ability." I blurted out.

Carol looked at me with a puzzled expression. It was hard to make out whether she was relieved or disappointed. Then it settled again on the usual easy smile.

"Thank you", came the reply. "Which one's your favorite?" Her ability to steer conversations away from awkwardness is godly.

The conversation was once again off-topic. I failed again.This was going to be just another day that I was a coward. I'd now somehow end this conversation, go back home and spend the rest of my days in agony till another day comes where I could muster up enough courage to try again. 

Shoulders slumped, searching for an answer to the question posed before me, my eyes settled on something brown at the edge of the showcase. It was a chocolate cake she had made.

Suddenly everything just clicked.

The chocolate cake brought back memories. It had played the villain the last time I tried to confess, but this time, it would serve as my saviour.

Flashback time.

So, about four months ago I did all the hard work of gathering up the courage to ask Carol out. You might think that I'm making the situation out to be bigger than it really was, but to a highly introverted guy like me, with average social status and looks, expressing emotions of love explicitly to the most gorgeous girl on earth really was the biggest thing in my life.

Anyway, I entered the shop and was greeted by Carol at the door. She was carrying a chocolate cake that she had painstakingly prepared. She looked quite proud of it too (I certainly was). We exchanged pleasantries, and I was about to drop the subject matter.

Then it happened.

You know how when you're a nervous mess you tend to do weird things with your hands and feet? Yeah, well I had a habit of swinging my arms around wildly, maybe to ease the jitters. At that moment, Carol's phone rang. She was holding the cake with both hands. To pick up the phone she freed one of her hands, balancing the cake (which was quite large) on the other. Although she was in control, it swayed back and forth in her hands. Well, suffice to say it came within reach of my swinging arms. Both of us were oblivious. In a flash my arms met the cake and it fell flat on the ground.

It was like the blood inside my body stopped moving.

"Oh God", I heard Caroline say.

Everything else after that was a blur. Carol would later tell me that I said sorry a billion times while cleaning up the floor. Her being the angel she

was, told me I shouldn't take it so seriously and that accidents happen. She actually told me it was quite a funny incident in hindsight. Well I kid you not, that "funny" incident traumatized me for the next four months.

Back to the present we go.

Carol had just asked me which of her cakes was my favorite, and I had an answer ready.

"Chocolate", I answered, keeping a straight face.

A wide grin came across her lips.

"Really? I can't imagine why. Is it because you like throwing them on the ground?" She started laughing. That actually hurt a bit.

"No. That's not it." I felt oddly powerful when I said this. I really had no time for a fun conversation. I mean girl, I love the way even your eyes laugh, but right now there's something absolutely important I have to do.

Caroline stopped laughing and listened.

"I haven't tasted it, you know." I continued. "But somehow, I have a feeling it would be much better than anything I've ever tasted. Because it's yours. It's a bit of who you are that I haven't yet experienced. I want the chocolate cake because I want to get to know you more, like WAY more. You're the most amazing person I know, and I want to know everything there is to know about you. Your aspirations, dreams, fears, all of it. Bottom line is, you make this world a happier place to live in. You inspire me to be more than what I thought I could be. It's crazy, everything is better with you."

I paused, took a deep breath and looked straight into the eyes of the girl I loved. I didn't want to run from my feelings anymore. I was going to risk it all for this one moment.

"Caroline Summer, if I've said anything with absolute conviction, if I knew something as absolute truth in my heart, it is this: I'm in love with everything about you. If you think it's worth your time, I'd like to take you to dinner this Friday. Of course, if you don't want to, then that's alright too. We can go back to being friends, but if by some chance things work out, I'll honestly jump for joy and I'll definitely work hard to be the man who'd be good enough to marry you, because honestly, I'm looking forward to having chocolate cakes for the rest of my life."

I stopped talking, not taking my eyes off of Caroline. She was blushing the whole time I was going through my monologue of love, now she started giggling.

"So you're gonna marry me for a lifetime supply of free chocolate cakes? You're weird", she said. "Highschool kids don't talk like this." My heart sank.

"That's exactly why I like you so much, you're...different. In a weird way. A good kind of weird. Awkward too. The good kind, of course." I looked up, almost in disbelief. "God, I thought you'd never ask. I mean, what took you so long?"

I was questioning reality at this point.

"I, uh.."

"There's so much I wanna know about you too, Mr. James Liam."  She said. "Friday. Come pick me up at eight."

"O...Okay", I managed to say, somehow. I was in a daze.

"Call me when you reach home." Carol added while I made my way to the door.

"Oh wait a sec", she said.

As I turned around, I saw the girl who was going to be my girlfriend on friday coming towards me with a piece of chocolate cake in hand.

"You said you wanted these for the rest of your life, right? I think today's a good day to get started. Here you go."

I was right. It was the best cake ever.