You

I can’t sleep. That’s a misstatement. I can’t sleep not because I’m not able to but because I don’t have time to. My schedule is packed. Too many obligations. Too many clubs. Too many “friends”. The news says isolation is as harmful as cigarettes. Wonder what it says about too many friends or too much going on. They haven’t done studies on that yet since there’s money in joining clubs or churches or being an officer for an organization or all the organizations

. I can’t sleep.

It’s like crack cocaine, adrenaline. You get one hit, it feels great. You achieve something for the organization, you network and make it all come together. You stay up the night working on Excel, Word, Access, and everything else in the Microsoft Suite and you get it done feeling like a college student the night before your thesis is due, but you get it done and even though you’re drinking coffee like an alcoholic, everyone loves you: You’re the hero. You’re the guy everyone in the football game is carrying on their shoulders at the end of the game, but part of you knows this can’t go on forever and part of you knows you’re irreplaceable and that’s why they’re praising you. I can’t sleep and neither can you. Remember the RHCP song: “One Big Mob,”?: “I am you are we”. Someone once told me there’s a legal way to kill the president: Stay up for 72 hours and have people observe you sleeping for 72 hours. According to the courts (what court? No idea) if you haven’t slept for 72 hours, you’re legally insane and not responsible for your actions. I can’t sleep and neither can you.

Let’s look at the obligations

Church

Church classes

Doing duties of trustee of church

PTA

PTA Presidential duties.

Job

Job homework

Football practice for son

Mise en place

Cooking dinner

Dishes

Cleaning

Zoom meetings.

Well, why don’t you just say, “No”? I already answered that. My wife’s complaining I’m putting my vocation before her. What else is new? So, I start losing it. Remember Joseph Heller’s “Catch 22”? If you’re sane enough to know you’re insane, you can’t kill anyone, but I can’t sleep and neither can you.

“And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your” organizations “can do for you, but ask what you can do for your” organizations. FDR said something like that. When I was in school, I asked my gym teacher what happens if we don’t sleep and he said the complete breakdown of the immune system so I take “Airborne”.

I can’t sleep. Read a book. Took sleeping pills. Learned about the circadian rhythm. Saw a doctor. See a neurologist. Read “Sleeping for Dummies”. Turn off all lights and cellphones two hours before sleeping. Don’t drink any caffeine after 2 pm. Don’t drink anything after 5 pm so you won’t be up get up to pee. Turn off anything that could wake you up like the surge protector that beeps loud if the lights go out.

What else? Don’t sign up for anything else. Ask if anyone could take over my responsibilities. No. They won’t. And you’re doing such a great job. Listen to classical music. Breath deeply. Listen to sleep stuff on YouTube. Don’t get angry. Remember the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. So if you’re angry and get adrenaline, you won’t sleep. Eat a lot. Food makes you sleepy. Try hypnosis. Look online. A billion idiots have the cure for your illness if you buy their product.

Turn off the computer. Isolate since people make you angry. They’re idiots. Maybe put something warm beside you, maybe that’ll help. Maybe not. Turn off cellphones and other phones. Isolate. This Will help you relax. Forget your email. It’ll upset you. Forget your job. “Focus on your breath”. Put on the front door, “Posted: Private Property: Hunting, Fishing, Trapping, or Trespassing for any reason is strictly prohibited. Violators will be prosecuted.” What else?? Turn off all electronics except the alarm clock. I’ll go crazy if I don’t know what day or time it is.

But that’s not the only thing that can drive a person mad. See, in prisons they put people in solitary confinement as punishment, but I did it to get a full nights sleep and for one night I stared at the ceiling in the dark in the cusp of sleep and awake. Think theta but not delta. Then, since it worked better than anything else I’d tried, I stayed like this. I had enough supplies to last me at least a month, but I started feeling lonely. No, this is an illusion. I read about it in one of the books on insomnia; When we don’t get enough sleep, we feel lonely even when surrounded by people. So I need to keep this up until I sleep. Then, I won’t feel lonely.

But then I had entities talk to me, so I talked back. I wasn’t fighting with them. Just small talk. Where did they go to college? What allergies they have. I invited them for dinners. They were grateful, but for some reason, didn’t eat. Weird. Talked about what’s happening in the world. Then I found out they all had insomnia too. We made a support group. “The 12 steps of Insomniacs Anonymous “. Except at our meetings, we served decaf. And it was early so we won’t have to pee in the middle of the night.

Then, one of the girls and I became close and I offered her a beer from my fridge and she said thank you and I opened it for her. She tried drinking it but couldn’t. Weird. Running low on supplies. That’s ok. I’ll use a grocery delivery service. Had to turn on my phone for that. 3,496 unread messages. 13 missed calls. Placed my order and waited. Hope I still have a job.

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In thirty minutes, the delivery came. The lady put everything in the fridge and freezer. I introduced her to my friends. She looked puzzled. She thanked me and left. That’s what I’m doing in the looney bin.