The pianist

‘What’s going on?!’ The Master asked, as he woke, prematurely, from his hourly nap.

‘Forgive the intrusion, Master,’ the maid said, as she shook the Master’s ruggedly handsome face, ‘But I thought you’d want to see this.’ The maid pointed over at a shadowy figure, who stood in the doorway of their humble household. ‘He’s been there for some time. Just looming, he was, on our delicate little porch.’

The Master came to his senses and peeled himself off the chair, before stumbling towards the stranger, with trepidation. ‘Is he armed?’

‘Two.’

‘I’ve seen strangers like this round these parts before.’

‘When, Master?’

‘Before you were born.’

‘And?’

‘It didn’t end well.’

The maid steadied herself on the butler, who gallantly caught her weight, with relative ease, stealing a small kiss, once he safely held her in his clutches. ‘Should I fetch the guard, Sir?’

‘That shan’t be necessary.’ The Master said, as he approached the unknown man. The stranger was wet- It had been raining outside.

‘They let you in, I see?’ The Master said, as he stopped several paces short of the stranger’s average sized body.

‘Yes,’ the stranger said, a softness to his voice that can only come from years of hard labour. ‘But I don’t see what that’s got to do with you?’

The Master turned crimson with rage and yet, calmly replied- ‘I am the Master of this household. Any business outside the day to day running of the chores must come through me. I trust you understand?’

The stranger apologised. The Master accepted.

‘You may step further into the household,’ the Master said- ‘But not so far that you shall tread on my toes.’

The stranger moved forward by doing a seductive dance.

‘How queer.’ The Master said, as the stranger settled back into a conservative stance.

‘Only through experimentation can we truly know anything.’

‘Who said that?’

‘Da Vinci’

‘Impressive. Tempus fugit, who said that?’

‘I dunno’

The Master scoffed. ‘Well… you cant be that smart then.’

‘I didn’t say I was smart.’

‘Alright, smart arse! I’ll ask the questions here, not you.’

The stranger bowed, graciously.

‘How long have you been in this town?’

‘About six hours.’

‘Six, you say?’

‘That’s what I said.’

‘And, what have you been doing with yourself? During these so called, hours you speak of?’

‘Oh, just standing around. There’s not much to do.’

‘I’d advise you to think before you speak.’ The Master said, as he surveyed the stranger for cracks in temperament- ‘Not too wise to enter a man’s home town and start slagging it off. Not too wise at all, I may say.’

‘I’ll take your advise on board.’

‘See to it that you do.’

The stranger’s attention swiftly fell onto the piano, at the far side of what was a relatively small and simple space. The piano was rather large, and so, it took up the vast majority of surface area, in the one roomed household.

‘You play?’ The stranger asked.

‘Not anymore.’ The Master said, holding out his hands, on display.

‘I see.’ The stranger said, as he observed the Master’s hands and held out his own, for comparison.

‘Well,’ The Master said, as he put his hands in his pockets- ‘What are you waiting for?’

The stranger silently moved across the room, mounted the grand piano and began to play, skilfully and passionately. The maid wept, as she clung to the butler, who managed to retain his composure, but with great difficulty.

‘Did you enjoy that?’ The stranger asked, once he’d finished the tune.

‘Why, yes- It was beautiful.’ The Master said, earnestly.

‘Do you know it?’ The stranger asked. ‘The song?’

‘Of course.’

The Master paused, but upon sensing the stranger required direct confirmation of his intrinsic musical knowledge, he elaborated.

‘Its Moonlight Sonata.’

‘By?’

‘Beethoven.’

‘Yes.’ The stranger nodded. ‘ But, it’s harder to play than it sounds.’

The stranger stood up from the piano stool and closed the lid of the antique instrument.

‘Yes,’ The Master said- ‘I know.’

‘You know? Or you believe?’ The stranger looked at the Master, suspiciously.

‘I believe. I suppose.’

The stranger nodded again, seemingly appeased.

‘You’re not from round these parts, are you?’ The stranger said, as he moved closer to the Master, menacingly.

‘Er… Well…’ The Master said, hesitantly- ‘I was born here.’

‘No, you fool!’ The stranger moved closer still. ‘I was speaking on your behalf.’ The stranger was now face to face with the Master, as he sang the chorus to Meat Loaf’s ‘You took the words right out of my mouth.’

‘Come on,’ the stranger said, once he’d finished singing- ‘I just said what you were all thinking.’

He smiled. ‘I may be a foreigner, but I’m no dummy.’

The maid began to mutter under her breath, seemingly conducting some sort of secret, magic spell. The stranger chuckled.

‘If it’s witchcraft you’re planning, then I have news for you- I’m immune to all manor of sorcery. Don’t believe me? Here- See for yourself.’ The stranger lifted up his shirt and displayed his chest to the maid, who promptly pulled out the magnifying glass, that dangled from the brass chain round her neck, and scrutinised the stranger’s bare torso.

‘He’s clean!’ She declared, after she’d perused his naked, flat, hairy breast.

‘I told you,’ the stranger said, as he replaced his shirt- ‘I have nothing to hide.’

‘We still don’t know a thing about you!’ The butler said, uncharacteristically boldly, as he barged in front of the maid, acting as a human shield- A barricade- Between his chubby lover and the alluring, yet dangerously mysterious man.

‘What is it you want to know?’ The stranger said- ‘I’m an open book.’

‘What’s your greatest fear?’

‘Ignorance.’

‘What do you wish you could have done but didn’t do?’

‘Fuck a minor whilst I was still a minor, hence, making the act itself somewhat more socially acceptable and of course, not strictly illegal.’

‘If you could have any super power, what would it be?’

‘Time travel.’

‘Why?’

‘Just ‘cause, I dunno, I didn’t expect to have to elaborate.’

The stranger paused, as the rest of the room looked on at him, gawping. The silence made everyone visibly uncomfortable- They all shuffled on the spot and many of them cleared their throats- The butler even went so far as to run his finger under the edge of his collar, proper sweating he was.

‘Well? Anything else?!’ The stranger asked, after no other questions were posed to him.

The Master shook his head.

‘It’s no use!’

The maid consoled her Master, as he collapsed on the floor, in exasperation.

‘We’ve all known each other for years! Sat round the fire each night, talking til sunrise, more often than not, that’s quite common, isn’t it, fair maid?’

‘Aye, Sir!’ The maid confirmed- ‘I’ve learnt to get by on an average of four hours sleep, and I’m glad of that- I’ll sleep when I’m dead!’

‘Quiet, you!’

‘Sorry, Master.’

The maid scuttled away.

‘Yet here you are, with your sexy charms and daggers for eyes, in the metaphorical sense, of course, I’m no loon, at least, no more than the next man- Do I make myself clear?’

‘I understand you perfectly.’

‘God damn it! And that’s why this mess is so brutal!’

‘What are you saying?’ The stranger said, as he caressed the Master’s thigh.

‘Because…’ The Master said, as he stroked the top of the stranger’s hand- ‘It’s not strictly clean.’

The stranger shook his head. ‘You’re speaking in riddles, Sire.’

‘Am I?’ The Master shook his head. ‘Or am I speaking the plain, God’s honest truth?’

The stranger shrugged.

‘I’ll ask you this, and I’ll ask you this once.’ The Master said, as he stood up from the floor- ‘Why did you come here?’

‘Coincidently.’

‘Liar!’ The household yelled, in unison.

‘On what grounds?!’ The stranger protested.

‘You’ve never even been to church- You said so yourself!’ The Master said, with as much conviction as he could muster.

‘I did not!’

‘No, not directly- But I can see it in your eyes- It’s as clear as living day!’

The stranger shielded his face.

‘Don’t look at me!’

The maid thrust forward, pointing directly at the stranger’s head. ‘He’s a soothsayer, Master- I said it from the moment he descended onto the porch!’

‘I said quiet, wench- How many times do I need to tell you, before you’ll shut your wretched trap?!’

The Master pulled out his whip and began to lash at the poor maid, as she recoiled and backed into the corner, shamefully. The butler danced between the maid and the Master, hoping to act as a stooge or a decoy, as a means to rescue his lover from her unnecessary pain. Whilst the household remained distracted, the stranger attempted to creep away.

‘Stay where I can see you!’

The Master called, from behind his shoulder, as he thrashed at his cowering servant.

‘We’re not done here!’

The stranger stopped, pulled out a cigarette, and began to smoke.

‘Can I smoke in here?’ He asked, once he’d pre-emptively lit up.

‘You can do what you like,’ the Master said, ‘As long as you don’t rejoice. Pragmatism is the dish of the day in this household, and you’d do well to remember that- Clear?’

‘Crystal.’ The stranger said, as he blew his fag smoke out into the crowded household.

‘Don’t think for a second that you have the desired effect on me, that you may wish or hope for.’ The Master said, as he put down his whip and leant on the back of the only chair in the room, nonchalantly.

‘Oh really?’ The stranger said, puffing away at his cigarette- ‘And what effect may that be, pray tell?’

‘Fear.’ The Master said, before he added- ‘But of course, you already knew that.’

The stranger laughed.

‘You think you have me all figured out, don’t you?’

‘Don’t I?’

The stranger tutted.

‘You don’t.’

The maid fainted.

‘God damn it, wench!’ The Master cried- ‘You will not be paid for the hours you spend incapacitated on my watch!’ The butler busied himself, fanning the maid with a piece of old newspaper he found in a drawer.

‘We may be amateurs,’ The Master said, as he focused his attention back onto the stranger, ‘But at least we have honour.’

‘I never disputed that.’

‘Not with your words!’ The Master cried, as he glanced back at his unconscious maid. ‘But I’m a man that can read between the lines. And don’t say that I can’t. That whip is one of a thousand uses, take what you will from that.’

‘A threat?!’

‘I said what I said.’

‘Sir, you speak with a force I can not willingly comprehend.’

‘What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?’

‘I’m a man of humble means.’

‘And yet, you infiltrate my property and my livelihood- Tell me how I should not be affronted?’

The stranger paused.

‘You raise a valuable point.’

‘I am the establishment!’

‘Enough!’ The stranger cried- ‘I call a truce!’

‘On what grounds?!’

‘To never set foot in your household again!’

The Master paused. ‘Do you mean that?’

‘I give you my word, as a gentleman and a knave.’

‘Let me see it!’ The Master said, as he grabbed the stranger’s hand- ‘Let me see the cut of your jib!’

The stranger held out his arm. The Master let go and both men watched, in awe, as the stranger’s hand hovered, in mid air, unwavered and solid as a rock.

The Master gasped- ‘And so, it is true!’

The stranger nodded, as he retracted his hand- ‘Yes, and that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time.’

The Master stood back- ‘Let him through!’

The butler bowed, as the stranger took leave. ‘I trust we won’t have any trouble?’

‘Your money’s no good here.’ The Master said, as he also bowed, respectfully. The stranger nodded, as the Master showed him to the door. ‘It’s been a pleasant visit.’ The stranger said, as he moved towards the exit. ‘Shall I be welcome once more, if I should return?’

‘Of course,’ The Master said, bowing again, as his unexpected guest took leave- ‘Your Highness.’

And with that, the stranger was gone.