FEAR

Fear is all around me. I see it everywhere I go. I can't stop the fear. The fear is consuming me. I know why this is happening to me. I know why I have so much fear. I think someone is listening and watching me. It all began six months ago.

I was at the park sitting on my favorite bench reading my book when I felt someone, a stranger watching me. I looked around the park but I saw nobody. I was feeling nervous and scared throughout the rest of the day and into the night.

Not long after I swear I heard breathing noises at the end of my phone call with my best friend. Someone was listening to my phone call. I told Joanna about the breathing. She told me it was all in my head. I know I heard breathing. I know someone was listening to my conversation.

For six months I've been afraid to go out but I managed. I always look at my surroundings. I look at the people around me to make sure I'm safe. I constantly take pictures of everything and everyone. I have to know if someone is watching me.

I never used to be a fearful person. I usually don't scare easily but yet I fear someone wants to hurt me. I have never felt this way before. This fear is making me live in a bubble. I hate living this way. I hate that my friends and family think I'm crazy.

Joanna, my parents and sister tell me I'm doing this to get attention, that I'm making this up. They make fun of me all the time. I cry every day because I'm all alone. I cry because the people that matter to me don't believe me.

I'm all alone in the world. I thought someone would help me. I was wrong. I can't trust no one. It's just me and my fear. There has to be something I could do to identify the person who is watching me. The big question. Who would want to hurt me? I have no enemies.

Unknown

My dear Winter. My lovely Winter. My only Winter. I see you every day hiding from me. Why are you hiding from me? I want to see your beautiful face. I want to see your beautiful green eyes and your long dark hair. I miss seeing you, Winter. I miss hearing your voice. Your beautiful sweet voice. I will tell you this my beautiful Winter, I will see you again. Until we meet one day my love.

Today another day of staying in my bubble. I tried to go out. I really did but once again my fear has consumed me. This is driving me crazy. I have no one to talk to. I can't go out because I'm afraid of the stranger that is watching me. I can't pick up my phone and call my friends or family because they will make fun of me. I'm afraid the stranger is listening to my phone calls. How can I live like this?

I can't live like this. I have to go out. I have to breathe the fresh air. I have to be strong. I'm pacing back and forth thinking about what to do. Should I go out or shouldn't I?

Come on Winter you can do this. I look out of my window and see the world passing me by. My world has stopped.

After hours of debate. After a sleepless night, I have decided to go out once again. You can do this Winter. I can do this. Breathe in and out. I jump out of bed, take a shower and get dressed.

I have decide to go to one of my favorite places, the zoo. Okay, I'm finished getting ready. I place my hand on the door knob. You can do this Winter. Here I go. I turn the knob and open the door. I stick my head out. No one is in the hall. I put my hoodie on, lock my door and begin to walk.

I walk to the stairway exit, quickly walk down the stairs and out the door. Wow the air feels so good. It's a cool sunny day. I do the usual look both ways. When I see no one is watching me, I begin to walk to the bus stop.

The thing about people is that they are clever and sneaky. Even thought I see no one watching me doesn't mean said person is not out there watching me.

I made it to the bus stop. The bus is coming. My stomach is turning. My heart is beating fast. I hop on the bus. The bus takes off. I look at the people on the bus. Nothing suspicious. Nothing out of the ordinary. I find an empty seat in the back of the bus.

I try not to think about a stranger watching me let alone listening to my phone calls. I want to today to be a happy day for me. So, today is going to be for me and not my fear.

I smile when the bus stops in front of the zoo entrance. Myself and a bunch of people most of them with kids get off. I walk to the ticket booth and buy a ticket. As I'm walking, I feel that all too familiar sense of being watched. I turn around and look behind me. All I see is smiling faces of the kids and their parents.

Come on Winter. Remember what you said. This day is all about me. I walk up to the first animal, the lions. These creatures are beautiful. I stay there for five minutes watching them.

As I leave the lion's den, I look to the left and right. When I notice no one is watching me, I walk to the next animal, the Giraffes. Another beautiful animal. So graceful in every way. This is why I loving seeing these animals. They are strong, protective creatures.

I continue walking throughout the zoo watching the animals all the while feeling someone is watching me. As usual no one is there.

I go to the petting zoo. My favorite thing to do at the zoo. I buy the food and go feed the baby goats. They are so cute. I bend down and open my hands. I smile as the baby goats eats. My first smile in a long time.

Unknown

My beautiful Winter. Your smile is beautiful. I just want to go to you grab you and take you away , far away from here. Don't be afraid my beautiful Winter. I won't hurt you. I only want to love you. Until we meet.

After a long day at the zoo, I leave back to the bus stop. All day at the zoo, I sensed someone watching me. There are no feelings anymore. I know for a fact someone is watching me.

While I was feeding the baby goat, I slightly turned around and saw a figure in a black hoodie watching me. I did not recognize the person nor did I know if the person was a man or woman.

The person didn't know I saw him/her. I left at once. My fears came true. Someone is out to get me. I hop on the bus. I don't see the person anywhere but it doesn't mean that person doesn't know where I live.

Oh My God! what if the person has been inside my house and planted cameras and listening bugs. I have to leave my house. I get off at my stop, rush home, pack my belongings. I don't call my friends and family, they won't understand. I have to disappear. I have to leave and go someplace where no one knows me and where the stranger can't find me.

My fear is taking me away from everything I know. It's what I must do to survive and keep the stranger from finding me.