Heartbreak of Another Kind

No.

Pete stood there, his face dropped and his entire body unable to move.

No way.

You didn’t leave. I know you didn’t just leave.

There’s no way you’ve just…left me like that.

This isn’t happening. This cannot be happening.

No.

No!!!

No. You’ll be back. Of course you’ll be back!! You have to…

….Don’t you?

There’s no way you would just…leave like that…

…....Would you?

No, no. You wouldn’t. You couldn’t. What am I saying? Ha ha, of course you wouldn’t… There’s no way you would. No. Way. Not after everything.

Yeah, you’ll be back.

In fact, you’ll be back just as quickly as you first came!

Pete paced around the room endlessly.

Yeah, just as easily as you walked into my life the first time, you’ll do the same the second. Or actually, you won’t even need to walk back in, because you won’t have left in the first place. Because that isn’t what this is. Because you would have never left. There’s no way you left. There’s no way.

Since none of this is happening, I’m just going to go get a snack and go on about my day, because I have nothing to worry bout.

You’re coming back.

Pete walks over to his dining area and takes a bite of his dish but finds himself struggling to chew.

Suddenly, he swipes the bowl, sending it flying towards the wall, shattering the glass on impact.

You bitch!!!!

A flood of thoughts and memories, combined with the rapidly settling harsh reality of the present, overtook him, and he felt like a volcano finally erupting. Rage poured out like lava.

What the fuck are you doing?! he heard himself scream.

How dare you!!

I was there for you!! When no one else was.

I supported you!! When no one else did.

Hell, there were times I was all you had.

I mean, I supported you even more than I supported myself!!

For Christ’s sake, I abandoned my own kids for you, Monica!! How could you do this to me?!?

I supported you in everything.

In your career—even when it would take you away from me for long stretches of time.

In your social life—whenever you’d hang out with your so-called friends for God knows how long. Those many nights and weekends. Those many times I came along and hung with you, became part of your ‘little crew’. Let you show me and ‘us’ off.

Your friends were my friends, Monica. Your family became my family. 

What other family do I have now, Monica?!? Tell me. WHO THE FUCK IS MY FAMILY NOW?!?!?

I was there for you after every one of your family arguments, every friend fallout, every backstabbing-coworker story. Every job loss. Every financial hardship. 

I was there when you went back to school. And there when you dropped out to pursue something else.

Every up.

Every down.

Every anything in life, I was there for you.

I listened to you, I protected you.

And yet, the fact that you would do this. Like wow.

What an asshole.

What a complete and utter asshole.

You TRAITOR. How could you?!?!?

WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE?!?!?

I don’t deserve this. You know I don’t deserve this. What did I ever do to you?!? 

Who even are you? I thought I knew you, but I guess I didn’t know you at all. Because, who does that? Who just…leaves the one they claim to care the most about? The one who has been with and there for them for years, Monica, YEARS. Through thick and thin. 

What a hateful, horrible person you must be. I mean, that’s the only kind of person who would ever do such a thing. You must really hate me that much. And I had no idea. All this time, I thought we were…more. I thought we were so much more, so much better than…what you’ve done.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?

Pete collapsed, exhausted by his fury.

He took a few deep breaths and then sat upright.

Okay, Monica.

Please.

Please.

PLEASE.

Look.

We can’t do this.

You can’t do this. There has to be a way.

Please come back. Please come back. I’ll do better, I promise—I’ll BE better. I promise. I’ll show you. Just come back. Let me show you. Let me love you again. I’ll love you so much better than I ever did before — so much harder than I ever did before. It’ll be the greatest love ever given and ever received. I can guarantee you that. Just give me the chance.

I’ll listen to whatever you say and do whatever you say. I won’t make life harder for you. In fact, I’ll make you smile more and harder than you ever have before.

I’ll give you as much or as little time as you need. If you want me around constantly, I’ll be around constantly. If you need a break and a lot more space, I’ll give you more space. Tons, Monica. I’ll give you TONS of space.

Just PLEASE…COME..…BACK.

I NEED YOU.

PLEASE.

I know I could be annoying at times. 

Loud. Obnoxious. Clingy.

Maybe a little paranoid from time to time.

Definitely territorial, I know.

I shouldn’t have been so territorial.

He sighed.

But I can change, Monica, I swear. I will change. 

For you, I will change.

There has to be a way. There has GOT to be a way. Just tell me. Tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it. I love you. I need you. I can’t go on without you.

Do I have to pray? Do you need me to pray for you to come back, Monica? Is that what you need me to do? Because I’ll do it.

Okay, just watch me.

Dear God,

Please bring Monica back into my life. Whatever you have to do. Please. She’s the best, most amazing, most wonderful, loving, and exciting woman. The best being I’ve ever known, ever could know. The best thing that’s ever happened to me, by a long shot. All I could ever ask for, and then some. I never realized how lucky and fortunate I was to have her with me, for me, as my person…until now. But don’t worry!! Now I know. Now, I get it. I know I should’ve always gotten it, but I get it now. Believe me. I now know I took her for granted. And clearly wasn’t everything I was supposed to be for her. But I love her, and I know she still loves me, too. She must. And I know she needs me just as much as I need her. We were made for each other. So, please bring her back into my life. If you do this one thing, I won’t ever ask for anything else in my life. This is it, I swear. I SWEAR. Please. Just bring her back.

Bring her back.

Amen.

There, see, Monica? I did it. I even brought God into it. I’m begging Him, begging you. PLEADING with you…to come back. Listen to God. Let Him bring you back to me. I know you want to. Please just let Him.

As more time passed, Pete became deflated. He felt the air, the energy—almost the life—sucked out of him with each ticking second. He sank deeper into the far crevices of his mind, reminding him brutally of what was…that now wasn’t. Of what was…that would be no more. The despair became all-consuming.

We had something special. A one-of-a-kind friendship, or so you claimed. That’s all you’ve said to anyone who would listen, for years. Years, Monica!!!

You don’t just throw that away over night!!

He fought back tears.

I remember when we first crossed paths, like it was just yesterday. It was a beautiful, sunny spring day out at Roman Park. I was out running. You were going for a walk. You saw me, and you instantly fell in love. Remember? You’d said it was love at first sight?

Admittedly, I was a little hesitant at first, having never been used to your kind of love, or anything like it. But it turned out to be a pure love. A very sweet and genuine love.

I thought you were for real. I didn’t want to feel, but you made me feel.

You made me love you!!!!

And that day was just the beginning of one long, beautiful union. Something unlike I’ve ever experienced before and probably never will again.

Something I thought you also had never experienced—something few do. That’s what you told me. That’s what I believed!! That’s what I felt. You made me feel it.

You made me love you.

And now you’re just…gone.

I think about the many nights we spent together. Your face being the last I would see before closing my eyes and the first when I’d wake up. How I would always be the one to gently wake you up. See you off to work.

Rainy days when we’d cuddle on the couch together in front of a good movie. Or dine together on the patio of a nice restaurant.

Our many weekend roadtrips. Our quiet walks in the park, and fun runs on the beach. The many holidays spent together. When you were sick, I comforted you until you were better. When I was sick, you lovingly took care of me, too.

Our hikes, our swims. Your forcing me to dance with you like no one was watching, to fun music around the house.

I thought there would be so much more of that, and then some. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. In fact, I counted on it. 

You made me count on it.

And then, just like that, at the drop of a hat, you just…walk out. No warning. No heads-up. No sign. Nothing. You just looked me in the face…and literally…walked out. No explanation. Not even an excuse. Nothing. Is that what I am to you, Monica? Nothing? Just a big pile of ‘nothing’ is what I am to you, huh.

This feels awful, Monica. AWFUL. How could you DO this to me?!? How could you do it to us?!

What am I even going to do with myself—with my life—now?! How can I even think about…going on living? How am I supposed to live without you, Monica? Please tell me! How?!

I can’t breathe. I don’t want to eat. I’ll never again be able to sleep. I’ll never so much as smile again without you, Monica. Never.

Life will never be the same again.

Flowers won’t be as colorful. The sky will never be as blue. Grey skies forever. The birds will cease chirping. The sun will never again be able to provide the warmth it once did.

All I’ll live in for the rest of my existence on this planet is an endless frigid winter.

That’s what you’ve done—what you’ve done to me—Monica. You’ve created an endless frigid winter. Forever grey, and nonstop cold of the bitterest variety. My eternal torture. It’s the cut of a thousand knives. Salt in a thousand wounds. Monica, you might as well have soaked me with gasoline and lit me on fire, because I’m pretty much dead now. That’s what you’ve done to me: You’ve killed me.

Life will be so bland moving forward. Hell, it’s bland without you already. I can’t feel anything. All of my senses are numb. I can barely see, hardly hear. Let alone, smell or taste anything.

Everything…is numb. But my heart most of all. You’ve turned it cold again. Congratulations.

That’s what you did.

Sigh.

So, I guess this is it.

You really aren’t coming back.

Whatever I did must’ve been so irreversibly, so irredeemably horrible, or I must’ve not done enough of what I didn’t do, that you can’t get past it and would do something so cruel. Apparently there’s no going back. No forgiveness. No trying. No talking it out. Nothing. This is just… It.

Well. I’ve said all I can say. I’ve tried all I could to get you to change your mind. To give me another chance. To give us…another chance. But it seems you’ve made it up. And there’s nothing more I can do. It’s done.

So… I don’t know how, but…somehow… Some way, I will figure out how to go on…

Without you.

I’ll just figure out how to love myself and love life again, more than I loved you. I’ll have to figure out a way to find me—the “me” I lost while with you.

Hey, maybe this is a good thing. I clearly gave too much to you. Now it’ll be about me again.

Yeah, you know, when I think about it, it actually isn’t the absolute end of the world. There are other people out there. It’s not like you were the only. Just as easily as I found you, I can find another. I will…find another. And they will find me. One day.

But in the meantime, I’ll just focus on me. Work on making me happy… for a change.

I thought I needed you, but I think I’ll be okay. I’ll manage to go on.

I will say I really appreciated the times we did have together. All of the memories. All of the lessons, including this one, I’ll take with me, cherish them, and let them help guide me forever.

Yeah.. It was good while it lasted. They say, ’tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Maybe they were right.

At least I did get to experience that love, and that kind of love—your kind of love…once.

As Pete got ready to head to another room to take a nap, he could hear a door unlocking. He looked towards where the sound was coming from. It was the front door. After the knob turned and the door opened, Pete’s eyes widened.

MONICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Oh my God, you’re back!! You’re baaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!

Monica’s face beamed at the sight of him, and he ran towards and jumped on her.

“Oh my goodness, Petey!” she giggled as he nearly knocked her over. “Chill out, I only went to check the mail for a few minutes.”

Lazily stretched out on the bookshelf, Daisy rolled her slanted eyes and deeply sighed.

“I tried to tell him. He does this every time.”