The Grass Is Always Greener ...

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER …

I looked around. This was my chance at freedom. I was tired of the same thing day-in and day-out. The same food, the same activities, the endless time spent going around in circles. Now was my opportunity to switch up my whole life; to explore the outside world. I was ready. I knew that there was more out there, and now the universe had smiled on me, and I was ready to go. I walked out through the door. Someone hadn’t latched it, and I was able to get out and flee my captors. Freedom, dreamed of, now achieved.

My name is Chester, and I’m a hamster. I live in a very cool Habit-Trail cage, but I always knew there was more to the world, beyond the twisty turny tubes of my cage. And now, freedom called my name and I was answering!

When Tyler fed me this morning, his mom, Mona, had called him and he rushed downstairs to catch the bus, forgetting to close the cage. So now I’m free. I live in a pretty extreme habitat — it’s a huge metal cage that sits on legs close to the ground. It’s three levels and there are coloured tubes, and running wheels on every level. But I knew that there had to be more to life than tunnels and wheels. So, I climbed down the side of the cage, landing very neatly on the floor of Tyler’s bedroom. I looked around, seeing nothing worrisome. 

The Jessops’s cat, Rod, who has, on a number of occasions, tried to kill me, was nowhere in sight. Remind me to tell you about the time I was in the hamster exercise ball, and Tyler thought that it would be fun to see how Rod reacted seeing me run across the carpet of the family room. Not good, not good at all. But, right now the coast was clear. I checked out my surroundings. 

My cage lives in Tyler’s room. The only times that I leave the room is either in the hamster ball or when Tyler carries me, so I’ve never actually walked outside the room. It looks so different from down here. I scurried through the door, looking left and right. No sign of Rod. Keeping to the walls, I headed for the stairs. There were a slew of them. From my usual vantage point in Tyler’s arms, I never realized the degree of difficulty stairs posed. I made my way slowly towards the main floor by sliding my body over the edge of each step as far as I could and then dropping down on the next lower stair. There were like thirteen stairs. It was hard work!

When I finally made it down to the landing, I was exhausted. And hungry. I hadn’t eaten my pellets this morning — I was too exciting about the prospect of escape. Now I regretted that decision. Still hugging the baseboards in case Rod was around, I started to explore the main floor. I smelled something delicious, following my nose, headed to the laundry room, a room strewn with Tyler’s dirty clothes all over the floor, not unlike his bedroom. 

The delicious smell was high up and I needed to get up there. I stopped to examine the room. I knew Rod was a sneaky bugger, having hidden under Tyler’s bed and initiated an attack during the night a number of times, so I was on my guard. But, phew, no sign of Rod and his wily ways. The washer and dryer loomed in front of me, and the smell was coming from the top. I slid between the machines, found the plug at the back, and hoisted myself skyward. There’s nothing I like better than a good climb, after the slithering I had just done on the stairs. When I reached the top, I carefully poked my head over the top. All clear. I approached the vat of food and the pond of water on top of the machine. I was stunned. There was a gigantic bowl of huge kibbles, and a veritable lake of water, both in pretty bowls with pictures of cats on them. This must be Rod’s food. I almost ran to the dish, I was so hungry. Picking up a single kibble in my paws, I started to nibble. It was heavenly. My pellets, while filling, were a little short on taste. Cat food, on the other hand, was delicious. I couldn't stuff my cheeks fast enough.  

Then I heard it. The soft padding of Rod’s paws. Danger, and it was coming my way! I looked around. There was a small space between the two machines — I darted for it, and slid/fell to the ground. I was on the floor checking for injuries, when a giant nose stuck its way between the two machines. It frightened me so much, I may have squeaked. Rod stuck his paw through the opening, and I jumped back far enough so he couldn’t slash me with his claws, but not for lack of trying. I tried to hide under the machines but they was too close to the ground. I was trapped, and there was no where to go. The best I could do was run from the front to the back of the machine to stay out of the reach of Rods paws.

We did this little dance for what seemed like hours — running back to front to back when Rod changed his position. I was tired — I’m nocturnal, and I had been up most of the night. All I wanted to do was nestle down into a clean bed of cedar shavings and have a nap. But the good news was that Rod seemed to be slowing down as well. In fact he laid down and, with his paw stretched into the opening on the back of the machine, blocking one means of escape, and promptly fell asleep.  

Now was my chance. I had to be very quiet. Luckily I’m light on my feet, and I quickly scurried out of the room. I was in the hall heading towards the family room. I knew this room, it's the room that we always have our exercise ball workouts. I saw the opening, and darted towards it.  

Oops! There was Benny the Jessop’s dog. Now, I wasn’t nearly as frightened of Benny as I was Rod, but he was still a pretty big dog, who, from personal experience, I know doesn’t know his own strength. Ever been nuzzled by a gigantic slobbering St. Bernard? No? Trust me, there are better ways to die when you're a hamster. Like old age.

But Benny was happy to see me. He waged his tail, and sauntered towards me. I stopped, anticipating the bath I was about to receive. Then, out of no where, I was airborne. I flew through the air, and banged into the front of the couch. I saw stars, and it took a second to get back on my feet.

Rod! He has snuck up on me. And he had attacked. Batted me like I was a ball of fluff. But he hadn’t used his claws, preferring to kill me after he’d had some fun, no doubt.

I was completely unprepared for what happened next. Benny jumped in between Rod and I, and started barking at Rod. Then Rod, being a cat, arched his back, hissed, and tried to swat Benny’s nose. But Benny was having none of this. He charged towards Rod. Rod turned around and hightailed it (literally) out of the family room. I already knew that Rod and Benny were not friends. From what I’ve seen and heard — “Benny, don’t kill the cat! Rod don’t scratch the dog! — they were regular combatants. I wasn’t sure if this latest dust-up was because of Benny’s love of me, or his dislike of Rod, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Benny had saved me from being eviscerated by Rod. Benny was my new hero. He could lick me and snout me any time he wanted. He’d saved my life! Benny was a baller and my new best friend!

I looked out into the hall outside the family room, and there was Rod, sitting on the step, just waiting for me to venture out. I was pretty sure that the next swat would not be sans claws, so I stuck close to Benny my protector. I had visions of Rod decapitating me with one fell swoop of his claws. I shuddered, and moved closer to Benny.

So far, freedom hadn’t been all that great. I was beginning to think that my cage was where I belonged. It was safe and cozy. There was food and water. I had a hammock and a slide. What more could a hamster want? Certainly not being stalked by a murderous feline intent on my demise. Nope. I decided then and there that there’s no place like home. If I’d been wearing ruby slippers I would have clicked my heels together and transported myself back to my cage. But I didn’t, so it was up to me. New mission — get back to the cage without become an hors d’oeuvre for Rod. I looked at Benny. He was sitting there, wagging his tail, looking down at me, strings of drool landing on my head. I scampered closer for both protection from Rod and to stop drowning in drool. Hero drool, but drool non-the-less.

I looked up at Benny. I had no way to ask him to help me get back to my cage. He just sat there panting and wagging. For the first time in my life I wished I could speak dog. I ran forward a bit, turned around and looked at him, telepathically willing him to follow me. No such luck. He just sat there drooling. I tried it again. Nothing. So, I figured that I had two options. Stay with Benny until Tyler came home from school, or try and make it back up to Tyler’s room without Rod seeing me. Option two was kinda hard as Rod was still on the steps watching me, murder in his heart.

Dang! What to do? What to do?

While I was still unsure about what to do, Benny took that opportunity to walk into the kitchen for a drink of water. Come to think of it, I was a bit parched myself, so I ran along side of him, on the far side, away from Rod, who had me in his sights, tracking my every move. I have no doubt that I would have been cat food without Benny.

Once in the kitchen we both drank deeply, although I did have to wait until Benny was finished because I was almost swamped by the tsunami his lapping created in the water bowl.

Then, Rod appeared in the doorway, blocking our exit, his tail swishing behind him. One thing that I have learned living in a house with both a dog and a cat is that tail swishing is the antithesis of tail wagging. Wagging tail, happy dog. Swishing tail, pissed off kitty. 

Benny just sat down, and barked at Rod. But, Rod refused to move. I was beginning to panic a bit, and searched the kitchen for an escape route, or place to hide. My eyes swept the room. There was no where I could go that Rod couldn’t go as well. Maybe behind the fridge, but I wasn’t sure I was quite small enough. Maybe a house mouse could make it, or even a dwarf Roborovski hamster, but I was a full-grown male golden Syrian hamster, large for my size. It would be close and tight. Was I willing to take a chance? But, what choice did I have? The minute that Benny turned his back on Rod, I was minced meat. And, I was pretty sure that Rod was faster than Benny. Heck, Rod was faster than me, and I can book it when I need to. All the hours on the wheel and my cardio was off the charts. Plus, I hadn’t heard or seen Rod when he cold clocked me in the family room, so my chances were not good.

Just as I was getting ready to dart behind the fridge, Benny leapt to his feet, and charged Rod, barking his big dog bark. It surprised me! But, more importantly, it scared the crap out of Rod, who jumped straight up, twisted in mid air, and tore out of the kitchen like he was on fire, Benny at his heels. Rod ran into the dining room, and jumped up on top of the hutch, high enough that Benny wouldn’t be able to get him.

I looked around. I was frozen in place. Benny turned to look at me, and woofed, and looked at the stairs.

Right! Get back to the cage. Got it!

I ran to the stairs, and looked up. Way up. Way, way up. If coming down had been taxing, how the heck was I going to be able to get back upstairs? I didn’t know, but I was more than willing to try. Thirteen individual jumps at twice my height later, and I was at the top of the stairs, panting, and a little sweaty.  A quick dash across Tyler’s bedroom floor, and I was scaling the outside of the cage, throwing myself inside.  I ran to the upper level, traversing my blue tunnel, to the farthest corner and waited. I wasn’t sure that Rod could fit through the cage door, but I wasn’t going to wait around and make it easy for him.

While I was catching my breath there was a commotion downstairs, and I heard thundering paws on the stairs.

Let it be Benny. Let it be Benny. Please, let it be Benny.

I watched the doorway, holding my breath.

And it was. Not that Rod wasn’t in hot pursuit, but Benny made it up first. He turned and growled at Rod, who in turn arched his back and hissed right back. Benny charged him again, but Rod was ready, and merely backed down the hall, fur standing on end.  

Benny backed into the room, never taking his eyes off of Rod, until he was beside the cage. He swung his massive head, and using his snout, slammed the cage door shut.

I was safe! I have never been as happy to hear the latch catch as I was right at that moment.  There were no words to convey my gratitude to Benny. Instead I ventured over to where he was guarding the cage, and stuck my little paw out though the bars, and batted his big floppy ear. He let out a gentle woof, and lay down in front of the cage. Rod watched from the hall, tail swishing.

And the three of us stayed that way until Tyler came home after school.

“Hey Benny, watcha doin’ hangin’ out with Chester? You guys buddies?” said Tyler walking into the room, dumping his backpack on the bed.

He bent and rubbed Benny between the ears, almost slipping in the drool pond that had accumulated under Benny’s head since he had been guarding me. But, Tyler lived with a St. Bernard, and this was not unexpected.  

He played with Benny for a few minutes, and then looked into my cage, checking my food and water.

“Hey, Chester, what did you do today, buddy? Anything exciting, other than running on your wheel forever?”  

Oh, if Tyler could only speak hamster, what a tale I could tell him! He opened the cage door, and wiggled his fingers, his sign for me to jump into his palm. I looked around for Rod, but the coast was clear, and I hopped into Tyler’s hand and nibbled on his finger, happy to be safe again.