My Timeline

Melody stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. She had been pretending to be what fits or is acceptable for so long, that she was anything more than a collection of others' opinions and thoughts. As Melody contemplated this, a ding from her phone alerted her that she had received a message from one of the few people who could get a smile from her with just their name popping up on her phone. Opening the text, appeared one word “Starbucks?” from Dan. She expected the daily text but it always gave her a little joy knowing he always thought of her this early in the morning. Quickly responding, she put the phone down and with one more glance in the mirror she turned to release a big sigh, attempting to shake off the disappointment she saw on the woman's face in the mirror, with no luck Melody did as usual when preparing for what seems to be the same day over and over. 

As Melody walked off the elevator on the 14th floor and heard the hustle and bustle of working in an advertising agency she instantly felt herself internally cringe. But when her eyes fell on Dan approaching her it was as if she couldn’t be helped but be drawn to him. Dan greeted her as he always did with a kiss on her cheek and his palm lightly placed on the mid of her back. Dan was much taller than Melody’s 5’5 frame, she instantly felt consumed by his presence and clothed in his cologne. When he stepped back it was as if someone suddenly turned on all the high beam lights and realization set in. Melody tended to get lost when she found herself in Dan's presence. Refocusing on being in reality she looked up to find Dan raising one eyebrow up with a questioning look on his face. “I’m sorry did you say something?” Melody rushed out in hopes that it wasn’t too obvious the feelings she secretly harbored for him. Dan shook his head with a light chuckle vibrating from his throat “where do you go in that head of yours?” Melody not understanding, and recognizing her confusion explained further “it’s like you are always in a dreamland” Melody nervously laughed as she shifted her feet replying “I get that a lot.” Dan being satisfied with her answer repeated himself from earlier “Well, I asked if you wanted to go to the meeting together? And I left your Iced Caramel Macchiato on your desk, which is a mess by the way.” Melody finding her bearings lightly shoved Dan while responding to his judgment of her office, “hey it may look messy but it’s the artist in me that requires the mess.” Dan replied walking backward in the direction of his office “yeah if you say so darling. See you at my office at 9:45?” Melody always loved when he called her darling but always reminded herself it is just his southern ways. Watching his long legs stride backward she simply said “you bet.” 

Melody stared at her computer screen, feeling more and more frustrated by the minute. She knew she was talented, why couldn't she get out of this draining job? It seemed like everyone around her was doing better than her. Her friends were all getting married or having kids, while she was stuck working long hours filled with deadlines and demanding clients. She let out a long sigh and leaned back in her chair. Maybe it was time to finally make a change. She'd been unhappy with her life for years now but had been too scared to do anything about it. What would she even do? She’s been at this agency since she was 23 years old, a young intern with so many hopes and dreams. She reminisced on how great it felt when she told her family she got the internship with one of the biggest agencies in Boston. How it felt walking in on her first day so excited for all the possibilities and filled with so many butterflies. She was ready for all the magic that happened in this agency. But as years blended together all-nighters became more frequent, holidays she missed became expected by her family and boyfriends quickly became ex’s when they were done being stood up at restaurants, concerts, or most recently their sibling's wedding. And now at 33, she wonders what is there in her life to be excited about as much as she was 10 years ago?  As she sat overwhelmed with emotions on what to do to make her life better, she decided to push her emotions aside and focus on meeting the deadline for her presentation for her new client. 

On Melody’s drive home the feelings she pushed back earlier raised back to the surface when she thought about her plans this evening. Going to visit her grandmother on a Friday night was not the most exciting thing but knew her grandmother was lonely and it was not like she had someone at home waiting for her. All Melody’s friends were married with children and it just made her fall in despair thinking about her life. By the time Melody arrived at her grandmother's house, she knew it was time as usual to suppress the feelings that seem to plague her more and more lately. Arriving at her grandmother's door she took one more deep breath, plastering a joyful smile on her face. She didn't have to try hard for too long because her grandma was the best person she knew and that gave her comfort knowing she still had her in her life at the age of 94. 

As Melody sat with her grandma playing Rumi, she felt at ease and did her best to remain in the moment. But shortly after their second game, her grandma placed her hand over Melody’s stopping melody from making her next move. Startling Melody, she raised her eyes lightly joking “alright grandma are you trying to cheat?” But hearing no laughter or quick-witted response from her grandma as usual she became serious mirroring her grandma’s expression. “Grandma, what's wrong?” Her grandma, not leaving eye contact placed her right hand over Melody’s and said with all the sincerity in the world “my dear, that is what I want to know from you?” before thinking Melody jerked her hands back in shock and began to make a poor attempt at laughing her grandma off but it was obvious that was not a possibility. Melody loved her grandma but she knew she was like a dog with a bone. Knowing this, Melody sat back and sighed much as she did early today in her office, having a hard time looking her grandma in the eye she decided it was easier to look at the ceiling and confess “I have been struggling with my life choices and if I made the right ones, I could have a family right now, I could be a mother. I just think I messed up and I don’t know how to get to my happily ever after.” Hearing nothing from her grandma she lowered her head to see her grandma also sitting back and accessing her. After a few moments passed her grandma finally spoke, “it seems you are asking the wrong questions, my dear.” She said it with so much ease as if it was so obvious Melody felt that frustration from earlier began to rise and actually questioned internally if she had an anger problem? “What does that mean?” she replied while trying to control her irritation. Chuckling her grandma shook her head and said “do you not know the past is just that, only a fool lets something dead and gone torment her in the present. You need to pray my dear, you need to fall on your knees and ask for a renewing of your mind if you want to get to a new place, the old you cannot take you there. Or you will surely as my name is Brenda be going in circles the rest of your days. You have plenty of time to have the life you want. Who says you should have a certain type of life by a certain age? Is the world not also a collection of humans trying to navigate their own lives? Do not be led by the blind when you yourself are blind. Your battle is you have tried to conform to this world and in the process mentally imprisoned yourself to a life that is not your own. Set yourself free my dear” Melody felt as if she had been slapped in the face. She hadn’t even thought about praying or that she was feeling this way because she was living by society's rules. She was raised as Christian but it was more of tradition or routine in her house growing up. Like going to church on Easter Sunday and fasting for lent. Her grandmother, however; was a woman of faith and held God in the highest regard in her life. 

On Melody’s ride home she thought how her grandma of 94 years said it with so much ease and confidence. She was so sure that the answers were in seeking God. She realize the wise thing would be to give it a try, I mean the women didn’t get to 94 by being a fool. So, the rest of her ride Melody talked to God, something she hadn’t done since she was a little girl when she would spend the night over her grandmother's house. The feeling of praying felt foreign to her, silly almost like no one was listening. But deep down she knew, she needed to continue, and so she did, all the way home.

The weekend went by in a flash because Mondays were always in a rush to get here it seemed. Waking up on Monday morning knowing all the work she had ahead of her she flopped her head back on the pillow in disgust with having to go into the office. As she was getting out of bed she remembered what her grandma said, so she got on her knees and talked to God.

This continued for months of Melody getting up every morning and getting on her knees to talk to God, sometimes it was in gratitude, other times it was to complain, and most of the time it was a wish list in the form of a prayer. Melody honestly wasn’t sure if God was getting her prayers but every morning she found a strength that she didn’t carry before. Over time she noticed her days became a little easier to handle and the photos of the happy couples with their children advertised down halls her job didn’t pinch her heart in pain anymore when she walked by. Melody was grateful for that, she was relieved that she was beginning to let go of the expectations of having a certain life by a timeline invented by others' standards.

Melody started spending time with her friends and their kids without envy in the room but just admiration for how they did it all and appreciated more the quiet time she had when walking in her front door. Melody had put in her two weeks and it was her last day at the agency that had been her place of employment for 10 years and was excited about joining a smaller advertising agency with less demand on her time and personal life. Melody went to Dan’s office for one final goodbye but he left early, which surprised Melody for many reasons but she refused to let that damper her mood. She was out of this place and on to better things. She would reach out to him this weekend. As Melody stood in the elevator she felt good when she looked at her reflection in the elevator mirror. For the first time in a long time, she felt like the girl in the mirror was proud of her, as if she was winking at her, thanking her for giving her a better life. Heading out of the building with her head held high Melody felt her younger self dancing and celebrating the new chapter in her life.

Driving home Melody glanced at the photo of her grandma and her that was on top of the rest of her things from the office and noticed for the first time the scripture Romans 12:2 on her sweatshirt from when she went to church camp. Melody waited until she got to the red light and pulled up her bible app, she hurriedly found Romans 12:2 which said “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” In shock, Melody jumped a little when the car behind her blew its horn for her to go since the light turned green. As Melody was driving home tears began to fall from her face because she realized God has been here along. She had let go of her problems and focused on the good, she stopped living a life reliant on others' opinions. Which gave God permission to renew her mind and she could stop trying to fit an image her loved ones and society deemed as acceptable, to no longer conform to this world but accept herself as she truly is, to accept God's will as who he originally created her to be. At that moment she knew she was good, acceptable, and perfect in his eyes. Laughing, and shaking her head she laughed at how God works and remembered what her grandmother always said, “God shows up how he wants to show up, not how we expect him to, we are his children, he knows how best to raise us.” and as Melody pulled up to her house she saw Dan with flowers. She walked up to him standing on her front porch “what are you doing here?” which Dan replied with a nervous smile “I have been wanting to ask you out for a long time but we worked together and it was infringed upon. I didn’t want to complicate your life. But now I can no longer hold back my feelings for you and I would love it, if you would give us a chance?” with watery eyes Melody could only squeeze out a vigorous head nod and the smile that covered Dan’s face will be something she will remember forever. Dropping the flowers in excitement he wrapped his arms around her in a big hug. Melody looking up to the sky whispered “Thank you, God, thanks an awful lot.”