The Final Stop

The train kept moving forward but the nature of Kate’s relationship felt like it was backsliding. Kate walked to the steps leading down to the Amtrak's first floor. What bathroom trip number was this? 3 or 23? She gave up counting bathroom trips, at 20 weeks pregnant. 

She had asked Jeremy to come with her. The steep and tiny meter-wide staircase gave her anxiety. She officially reached her 27th week of pregnancy today and often felt off balance. She pleaded with him to accompany her, but he scoffed and insisted she would be fine. “What are you gonna do when the baby arrives? Besides, this is like your tenth time, " he sharply replied.

Whether it was the 10th time or the 15th, it caused her stomach to twist and turn knowing she had to wobble down those sloped minuscule stairs. Gripping onto the steel railing smudged with fingerprints, Kate braced herself gingerly and stepped down the staircase.

She would have argued harder with Jeremy, but after a recent bickering session that her mother witnessed; her mother had pulled her aside and reprimanded her for arguing with Jeremy right after work. 

“It’s best to bring it up to him when he is well-rested and fed. Then he will be amenable to your cause. “ her mother had said.

Kate shot back with an eye roll and started to protest, however she dropped it. Jeremy had been pulling away from her recently. They had been arguing more. Kate wasn’t sure if it was the pressure of having a baby or work or something unknown, but the distance between them was growing. 

Kate and Jeremy started dating five years ago after Jeremy’s failed attempts to woo her best friend failed miserably. The on-and-off nature of their relationship didn’t seem to phase Kate like it did other people. She liked the idea of a non-traditional romance, but when she fell pregnant her doubts about the emotional rollercoaster nature of their relationship began to solidify.

She admitted that she wasn’t the easiest person to be in a relationship with. She cut off friendships at the drop of a hat and hadn’t held down a steady job in the past eight years. The subtle rebellious attitude she held began to melt away as she thought about the little human they were going to be bringing into this world. Before she knew it, her mother’s advice on relationships didn’t seem to sound as crazy as it did in her younger years. 

Kate reached the bottom of the stairs and made her way to the long row of bathrooms. The first one displayed a green sign of vacancy. She opened the airplane-style door to a pair of hairy butt cheeks staring back at her. 

“Oh sorry, sorry!” Kate blurted out while the man rushed to pull up his pants. 

She felt the heat rising in her cheeks and the anger started to pump her heart harder. How hard was it to lock those doors? This wasn’t the first time Kate had opened the door on someone going to the bathroom on the train. For some reason, when people rode the Amtrak, the idea of locking a bathroom door seemed beyond their capability.

Kate made her way to the next one and closed the door, making sure it was locked. She pulled down her pants and squatted onto the toilet, her knees touching the door of the bathroom and her belly pushing up on her ribs. 

She wished Jeremy was with her. Then maybe he would be free to give a little retort to the hairy butt-cheeked man who didn’t know how locks worked. They could always ground each other with humor. Even lately, with things feeling increasingly strained, they could connect again with a joke. It would reassure Kate that things would pan out in the end.

Kate finished in the bathroom and back up the stairs to her seat. She moved slowly, but the ascent up to the second floor made her breathless. As the baby grew, it began to press into her lungs, kicking for space. She rubbed her belly affectionately. Kate always wanted to be a mother, since she was little. 

Now, that dream was almost here. She needed to make it work with Jeremy. Not only would she need help but she wanted their baby to be raised in a stable home. Before her mother married her stepdad, Kate’s life brought disappointments in the form of a forgetful father who preferred bars to his kin. 

After her mother and stepdad got married, he made a real effort to be in Kate’s life. Ice cream dates and ballet classes filled her once-empty social calendar. He loved her sass and crass humor that made her mother cringe. He remained a positive force in her life until he passed away last year. 

Kate missed him, but her mother did manage to have what many viewed as a successful relationship until the end. Maybe she should listen to her mother more. With her mother’s advice and shared sense of humor with Jeremy, maybe things would work out.

Sitting down next to Jeremy who had become engrossed in X on his phone, she noticed him shift uncomfortably. “I have to tell you something, but don’t get angry.” Jeremy’s eyes flashed at Kate.

“Ok…”Kate replied apprehensively. 

“So, uh, you know how I went out with Kyle last week, right?” Jeremy’s voice had lowered slightly but still held the same envious confidence that Kate always liked about him.

Kate held Jeremy’s gaze silently, waiting for him to respond. “Yeah, well, Angie was there and we both got a little drunk and we…kissed a bit. Nothing else happened. I swear. Sorry”

Jeremy shrugged his sorry as if he forgot to pick up milk. Kate’s heart pounded fast enough to break it. Jeremy became blurry as tears began to fill up her eyes. 

So many times she wished she could punch him when they were arguing, not to hurt him but to make him feel the pain and anger she felt. The emotions felt too strong to burden on her own. She wanted someone to carry them with her like her stepfather had.

When did she allow herself to become so small? Was it listening to her mother's advice? Kate bit hard on her tongue, her mouth slowly filling up with blood. Her eyes emptied themselves of their tears to reveal a glare that she kept on Jeremy, willing him to feel the heat of her rage. 

“What?” He shot back, fidgeting in annoyance. 

The electric currents of fury radiated up and down Kate’s arms. Before she knew it, Kate raised a single hand and swatted Jeremy sharply across the face. The smack resonated in a high pitch, able to be heard by those closest to them. Kate thought she may have heard a few gasps but she was still focusing her vexed attention on Jeremy, who stared back at Kate, baffled. 

The red imprint of a small palm began to appear on his left cheek. It grew angrier by the moment along with Kate. They stared at each other, holding the moment that irreversibly damaged any shared joke or advice from Kate’s mother. They were so caught up in their world they didn’t even notice the train, along with their relationship, coming to its final stop.