My Jesus and I

Everytime i said am stoping, am letting it off, i did not. I said I've changed for good i went behind and did it again.I said i am passed my old life but i visited it everytime you looked away. I felt like sin was in too deep the third layer of my skin.Like it was part of my fibre.

Now its here.

Haunting me.

Taking me away from what i know.

From the light.

I see no stars.

I feel not my skin.Warmth is not in me.Am dwelling in evil.like a sunction on a plain wall.

Like liche.It will take damage,rupture

or blood to get me off the hook.l am saddened that i didn't listen but now i am here.

Alone.

Void.

Consumed.

Caged.

Angered by self.

Wanting light but instead i get dark shots.I feel like it is closing in.

Am broken.

Broken in parts you cant see.

No emotions will sooth.

I lay down on a not so warm cover to drift to the world i know not.

Maybe i will gain favor there.

I long for the mouth that will whisper kind words to me.

For the strength that will rip me off from my dark being.

For the arms that will embrace my soiled skin.

For the steps that will walk towards me and not me towards them.

For the voice that will call my name.

I long for many things but i am not sure if i will reach there for this world is so confusing.And if i do, will it be glory,overwhelming joy or will it be pain.

I began to elope.

I lost my body.

I lost my sense then all of a sudden i fell on the ground with a thud.I felt the taste of soil that stuck on my lips.

I couldn't lift my head for it felt so heavy. Then i heard a loud voice saying 'bring her forth.'

I didn't move.

I couldn't feel myself.My whole body was numb.

The only part of my body that worked normally were my ears,my heart that was beating so fast and eyes that were seeing flashes of light.The rest of me was rubbish.

Waste.

Nothing.

The earth began to crack on me.I felt a rapid move.Like it was straining to a stretch.Then it split in two.Immediately my leg was getting swallowed in.

I felt strong hands pull me by the neck like i was some kind of a puppet.

A doll.

I was thrown to safety.Atleast that was what i felt.

I began to feel my arms and in seconds i felt my whole body.

I was still on the ground but this time on a semi clean leafy stair case.I could hear familiar voices cracking stupid jokes.

The laughs.

Then in a minute i felt like i was home.

I reached myself and stood on my knees to see things in a more clear angle then i heard a voice say..‘welcome to the dark side.'

I looked up to see who spoke.

Who was familiar.

Who laughed, but it wasn't clear.I could only see thin semi humans sitting

but the one in the middle was a bit thick.

I couldn't see the heads and when i tried to stand i got weak and sat.

I looked below the stairs and saw dried bones and skulls.

I was chilled.

Frightened to know that I've reached the end.

That in a minute i will be among the lifeless bones on the ground.I

I feared.

I cried without tears.

I tried speaking but without a voice.

I remembered mama. she said this all the time.

I had been foolish.

She taught me well but i chose my way.

I felt a certain heat, then i knew that the judgement is here.

I looked on the sides, there was no one but instead it was darker than where i was.All i could hear was giggles and whispers thereafter loud laughter's.

Then one girl with a familia physique moved towards me and said,‘do you wan join us?we are having fun up here.

Its either up or down below.

There's lots of jose quervo and camino.

Lots of joints and...'when she said that, I could sense she was someone I knew from before.Someone so close.At this point,i wanted to call her by name but for what purpose.It would have made things worse than they were and moreso I felt already dead and unsaveable.

I let them redicule me.I let them make me feel useless like i already was.She went back up and i heard the sound of a loose tap water drops tap.. tap.. tap.. tap.i looked from where it was coming from then shock on me to see blood and not water.

‘You will be next.'was the last she said.Then a voice that was louder than them all called me by my name.

‘I gave you everything .I gave you more crowds that liked you on earth.

I gave you plenty of chances to serve me.You didn't lack because i gave you friends that surrounded you with gifts. Now its hard for you to choose me?'I thought of the fun time I've had with myself.

The choices i made for my selfishness but instead put pain on mankind.

I thought of the wrong battles, immorality.

Wickedness.

I knew then that my sins were greater and i couldn't be redeemed.

I couldn't be delivered.so, will i die sinning or fight for the light.

I was struggling with the words from the scriptures then, will they save me now that i need saving?

I knew i wouldn't say it right but at least i tried saying the words.

They went like this.'Those who call the name of Jesus will be saved.'

Before i prolonged the thought i saw alot of money spilt on the staircase and some in a suitcase.And beside it there was a gun.

Those were hard choices displayed there like hot coffee on a chilly day and you know that dear reader.

I wanted to be freed but this kind of freedom presented to me was entangled.Tied up with my long time wishes and choosing the light.

A voice said inside my head.‘he who gives priceless freedom is still alive..he is the ultimate God.'i heard a gun shot and i fell thinking i was the one taken. Then i whispered three unfamiliar words ‘Jesus take me.'that was when the dark turned into light and my morning alarm brought me to the world of the living.Thank you for reading through.