Beyond The Silver Line Pt.2

It was so terribly cold. Snow was falling, and it was almost dark. Waves hit the boat softly as I rowed to the shore. The silver line was nothing like it once was, it no longer shined, and it no longer glowed. But the most important thing, it no longer kept me out.

I thought I could never come back.

Once I crossed the silver line I was gone for good.

Once you crossed the silver line, you were gone for good.

But that's the one thing I would never accept. Because you couldn't be truly gone, you just couldn't be..

You would never leave me.

Right?

I spent my days on the window sill, watching the waves lick the shore as children played happily in the sand. But that's never where my attention was. It was on the tiny island behind the fog. The one only we could see. Our little paradise with trees with lavender leaves that fell from golden trees under the cotton candy skies.

It used to be so bright. It was living and breathing. It used to be paradise. Now I only saw death.

 It was dark now. It was always dark after that night. The night I would always regret.

When I crossed the silver line.

I was being stupid. You told me you didn't need me, and so I left. I was upset and I was angry and I fucked it all up. Our world died. The trees dropped their leaves, the wind was cold and there was no life in sight.

You said you didn't need me, and maybe you didn't. I thought I didn't need you. I was so fucking wrong.

Every night was lonely as I wished you were next to me. I missed the big things and I missed the little things. Like your hand in mind, playing with your hair, and laying in the grass. I thought that over time I would realize that I never needed you. Instead, I realized I needed you more than anything.

I couldn't tell you how many times I rowed to the island trying to cross back over the silver line and how many times it wouldn't let me in. I rowed to every shore and tried every way. Eventually, I realized it would never open back up. But day after day I still went, hoping to chance a glimpse of you. They said I would move on. Find someone else. I never did. I only missed you more.

I would wake up in a cold sweat dreaming of your face and hoping it was still real.

But it never was.

Something changed when I looked out the window last night. I had been awakened yet again by thoughts of you. Like every night I would creep to the window sill with my blanket looking as I always did at the island hoping something had changed it never did

But when I looked out the window only hours prior there was a light, on the island. So small, and so dim but it was there.

It didn't matter how slim the chances were it didn't matter that it wasn't going to be you. 

You never came back. No matter how much I wished you too you never came back. Over the silver line and gone for good.

But the light… It was our place.

Who else could it be?

I clutched my emerald cape closer but it did little for the piercing December winds which nipped my nose and gave my cheeks the pink it desperately needed. I tied my little boat to the tree on the shore and pulled myself onto the frozen grass

Snow coated the trees, it was a winter wonderland. It was always sunny always perfect here and now it was cold and brittle.

But right now?

It was beautiful oh so beautiful.

And that's when I saw you.

Ibaia

My Ibaia.

Your hair was shorter, but orange curls still flew in your eyes with every passing gust. 

But your hair,

that wasn't the only thing that changed.

Because you didn't come to the Island alone.

You came with her.

The one I was never supposed to worry about.

And you?

You

We're holding her hand.

You were

Holding her.

You didn't come back for me....

You came back to be with her.

You didn't need me as much as I needed you

Around you, sprouts poked their way between the ice. Pale blue flowers surrounded the trunks of the trees whose color was starting to return.

Our love broke this place.

But yours

Was fixing it.

I was missing you.

But you weren't missing me

You had already moved on.

A tear slipped from my eye, it fell in slow motion before landing on the grass 

And igniting it. But my vision was blurry and I didn't even notice

I curled my cape around me letting the tears fall as quietly as I could.

And then everything burned.

My eyes blurred. my thoughts blurred and the next thing I remember was being surrounded by fire. I couldn't feel my hands and my cape was surrounded by orange flames.

The grass was burning quickly and soon the flames climbed the trees, the heat was suffocating and I started to cough as smoke filled my lungs.

I heard screams as the fire spread.

I needed to leave

I needed to leave now.

I never wanted this

I didn't want to destroy our world

Your

World.

But it burned anyways.

I never wanted to hurt either of you.

As much as I longed for you back I longed for your happiness even more.

I couldn't tell you how much I wished you and I were back on the island together, but I didn't make you happy.

She did.

And I would rather you be happy with her than unhappy with me.

Tears fell faster on the grass, the flames burning hotter, and burning brighter.

I saw your figures behind the wall of flames coughing and squinting, hands interlaced squeezing each other tightly

Memories flashed behind my eyes. Ibaia and I swimming in the creek. Sunbathing on the rocks wrapped up in each other. Games of hide and seek, cloud watching, and dancing under the stars when the nights got dark.

The girl

In the black cape

I used to be her.

I used to be wanted.

But I fucked it up

And now you've run to her, with the smile you used to have for me.

I wanted it to be us.

I never wanted to leave you

I never wanted it to be over

But we were destructive

We hurt each other

And here I was just proving your point wasn't I?

I wasn't good for you.

I was surrounded by flames as I burned down the place we used to call home.

In my mind, the chapter of us wasn't finished

But you closed the book anyways

Because you were afraid of how it might end.

And honestly

I don't blame you