Moment of Clarity

Nate rubbed the ring around his finger impatiently. It was time to go home. The wear and tear of school and bartending at night was starting to weigh on him. He used his hands to press against both sides of his face, resulting in a resounding crack that left him with gave him overwhelming relief.

“You’re gonna need to get that checked out,” his last remaining patron added. “It doesn’t get any better when you get older.”

The last remaining patron’s name was John Knippenburg, who went by Kipp for short. He was a faithful customer at the Camel, coming in nearly every other day to have a few drinks. According to lore, he had been there the night the Camel opened and most of Nate’s co-workers had the feeling that he would outlive their tenure. So far, he lasted longer than the former shift mate, Adam. Normally, they would engage in myriad of conversations, most being light, jovial and colorful in nature; the others abhorrently dark and cynical. These nights, the conversations consisted of more of the latter.

“Yeah, I know,” Nate replied. He pulled the slightly soiled towel from his shoulder and used it to wipe up once again another spill at the end of the bar. Broken window theory, he reminded himself. Criminal justice student by day, bartending counselor by night.

Kipp, who recently divorced his wife, was having second thoughts. He and his wife, Emily, met in the Czech Republic at a very young age and had been married ever since. Unbeknownst to his wife, he started an affair a few years ago and started a family. He worked tirelessly to keep it a secret, but as his effort increased, his wife’s satisfaction in the marriage did not. Out of benevolence, he divorced her. After all, it wasn’t fair to either of them.

“I don’t think she knew,” Kipp pondered aloud. “Well, maybe she did. You never could tell with that woman…,” his voice trailed off as he shook his head. He tapped the bar table to signal for another drink. “One more for the road, kiddo.”

           Nate happily obliged, pouring him another brown mixture of what he ordered before. The night was over, finally.

                                                                       ***

           “Well, he’s probably lonely,” Nate’s wife, Lauren, said as she turned down the sheets to get into the bed, “He’s been with her since he learned what it meant to truly love someone.” She got into the bed and rested her head on Nate’s chest, her proclaimed favorite position, “I could only imagine. I mean, being married for so long? My days drag without you now and you’re just at work.” She rubbed her hand tenderly against his chest.

           Nate ran his fingers through Lauren’s amber red hair. He loved the way it felt against his skin, soft and comforting. They had been married for nearly a year, but it felt like she had been a part of him his entire life. If something were to tear her away from him, it would leave a hole that he wasn’t sure could be filled. He kissed the top of her head, “So what should I do?”

           She nuzzled her head into his chest, “Just listen to him, babe. That’s all he needs.”

           It was then that he made an ill-fated decision that he would extend extra patience to Kipp the next time he made his rounds in the Camel. If a listening ear was all that he needed, it was something that he could provide.

                                                                       ***

           “So, I tell her about the situation with my wife and Jennifer and all that jazz and she turns on her heels out the door. Didn’t even wait around to order. No call, no text no nothing,” Kipp narrated. He tossed his head back as he downed another drink. His accoutrements, once prim and straightened, were now disheveled. His forlorn jacket had made a home for itself on the chair beside him while he loosened the tie around his neck. “I don’t get women. They all say that they want someone who’s honest and the minute that you’re honest with them, they can’t handle it.”

           He tapped two fingers on the table to signal for another drink. Nate looked at the discarded glasses that sat next to each other beside him. The count was five. ‘I should cut him off’, he briefly thought to himself as he noticed the red flush that was beginning to saturate Kipp’s cheeks. His hands, however, betrayed his mind as it filled another glass with the same brown liquid that he had been pouring all night and passed it towards Kipp.

           There was relatively nothing enticing about Kipp’s post-divorce dating stories. Not that they weren’t interesting, just that they always happened to end haphazardly and never in Kipp’s benefit. If Kipp was what he had to look forward to if he divorced, he would make sure that it would never happen. He made a mental note to go home and made sure Lauren knew that he would love her for all of eternity.

           “You always take care of me, Nate.” Kipp said with a chuckle. “Like Emily used to.” He drummed his fingers against the side of his glass as he pondered for a few moments, “Lost something valuable and will probably spend the rest of my life trying to find something like it.” He gestured a ‘cheers’ motion towards Nate as he lifted his glass in the air, “To the elusiveness of it all.”

           By the end of the night, listening to Kipp cost Nate and Kipp more time and money than either of them were willing to spend. A wave of relief flooded Nate as Kipp finally stood up to collect his belongings and make his way home. His confidence fleeting as Kipp’s stance wavered as he attempted to settle the tab and leave a generous tip. When Kipp had trouble finding his keys, he knew that he should have sat him down and offered to get him a cab. But he didn’t, the comfort of Lauren’s hair was calling his name and tonight he would revel in it even more. The weight of her head on his chest like an anchor keeping him from drifting into the sea of his own thoughts. She was his home. He would never leave her, he couldn’t.

           As he drove home in his blue sedan, his focus once again returned to returned to Kipp. He wasn’t a man that had it all figured out, but he was trying. Perhaps, he and Kipp would both help each other. He unlocked his phone and sent a message to Lauren to let him know that he was on his way.

                                                          ***

Kipp waited for a few minutes after he turned over the ignition in his car, he thought about how much the time spent at The Camel and how much it meant to him. He was lonelier than he had ever been in his life. He tried to act like he didn’t notice, but every so often he would glance at the band on Nate’s finger. He always anticipated that eventually Nate would have something negative to say about being married, but he never did. He entertained the possibility that maybe it could be too new, he also entertained the possibility that maybe Nate saw him for the true fool that he was. And decided that it was probably more of the latter. It would be better off if he wrapped himself around a tree.

It was at that moment that he recalled the random fact that he learned in high school physics about the force of objects in motion. If he managed to hit a car in motion, the momentums of the two cars would work together to create a bigger impact. He decided to careen his vehicle into another proceeding through the intersection.