If You Can't Promise, I Can't Tell You

Minnie: “Hello?”

Ann: “Hi, it’s me, Ann."

Minnie: “I’m getting ready to go to Chloe’s house. What’s up?”

Ann: “I have something I want to tell you.”

Minnie: “Okay, what is it?”

Ann: “Well, I want to tell you, but first you have to promise me you won’t get mad.”

Minnie: “What?”

Ann: “Yes, promise me, or I can’t tell you.”

Minnie: “I can’t promise something if I know what it’s about. I’m reasonable. I won’t get mad.

Ann: “But promise.”

Minnie: “You’re being ridiculous. Just tell me what it is. Hurry up, I don’t have much time. I told you, I'm going to Chloe's.

Ann: “Minnie, you know you lose your temper easily, and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of a tantrum. This is why I called you to do it over the phone.

Minnie: “You’re crazy. Just tell me.

Ann: “Nope. I remember the time you saw Jimmy on the sidewalk talking to Christy and drove your car up over the curb so you could run him over. 

Minnie: “I was perfectly justified. He should have been going over to my house, not standing there flirting with Christy. I was young and emotional.

Ann: If it hadn’t been for Jimmy telling the cop you guys were just fooling around, you could have spent the night in jail or worse. 

Minnie: I wouldn’t have run them over, I just wanted to scare them. No big deal.

Ann: “Okay, then what about the time you threw your wine at Uncle Harold’s pants at Thanksgiving dinner?

Minnie: “That pervert deserved it!” Everybody knows he's disgusting, I just did something about it. Ha, I was a little drunk come to think of it. But I still would do it again.

Ann: “This is what I’m talking about. You take matters into your own hands and attack people if you don’t like what you see or hear.

Ann: “Then we have the famous drink in the face of that little Sue Ellen girl that lives in that brown house on Cedar Street. That was one for the books.

Minnie: “Don’t exaggerate Ann. She was a serious stalker, following Chet around like that, asking him to dance. Who did she think she was? Oh, no, I wasn’t playing with that little girl.”

Ann: “You’re lucky Stan didn’t call the cops and only charged you for the broken glass on the jukebox.

Minnie: “Yeah, that took me a few weeks to pay off.” 

Ann: “So, I guess I made my point.

Minnie: “Okay my point is, tell me now, because I have to go.

Ann: “You still haven’t promised.”

Minnie: “Listen. Either tell me now or I’m hanging up.”

Ann: “What? What did you say?”

Minnie: “I said I’m hanging up if you don’t tell me, you crazy witch.

Ann: “So already you're calling me a bitch and you haven’t even heard the story yet?” This is exactly like you Minnie. It’s so you.

Minnie: “What is, Ann?” What the hell are you talking about?

Ann: “What?”

Minnie: “What, what? Can’t you hear me?

Ann: “Yes I can hear you. I don’t understand why you have to make everything so complicated.”

Minnie: “If anybody is a complete ass it is you, my dear sister.”

Ann: “Name-calling doesn’t help anything Minnie, so stop it before I get really mad at you.

Minnie: “Let me get this straight. You call me up, at a bad time, I’m trying to get out the door, you remind me of unpleasant times, call me names, refuse to tell me why you called, and I’m the bad sister? 

Ann: “I can’t believe how irritating you are. I will explain it one last time. I want to tell you something that is very difficult for me to share, and all I ask is that you refrain from getting mad at me. Is that too much to ask?

Minnie: “I don’t appreciate you calling me up to tell me what a raving lunatic I am, and how I can’t keep my emotions in check. I think I am very rational and have had no more volatile encounters than the average person.

Ann: “See you live in denial and this is why Jimmy and I never told you we had dated before he started going out with you.” Because you react like a crazy person.”

Minnie: “You went out with Jimmy? Really! Well, how about this: Danny and I dated after you two got married. How’s that for keeping a secret?”

Ann: “My sister dated my husband? Even for you, that is low-down. You have got to be kidding, right?”

Minnie: “Oh, get over it, you two were two weeks away from finalizing the divorce. He needed a shoulder to cry on and I was sympathetic. It only lasted a couple of months and he met someone else. Don’t act like you were in love with him, you hated his guts. It’s old news, let’s move on.”

Ann: “Easy for you to say, I’m speechless.”

Minnie: “What? Speeding?

Ann: “No, we have a bad connection.”

Minnie: “Yes we had a connection, but I think it was tough for him to lose you and I just felt so bad for him.”

Ann: “I’m talking about the phone connection.”

Minnie: “Yes, we spoke on the phone a lot, especially in the beginning when it was so new for him, he was going bonkers. He didn’t understand why you wanted a divorce. He was devastated. Mom and Dad tried talking with him, but I think he found it easier to talk with me. At any rate, it is late, and I have to go. Are you going to tell me or not? Last chance!

Ann: “I only got half of what you said, we have a terrible connection. I can’t believe you slept with my husband. I don’t think I will ever get over that. I’m utterly speechless. I don’t know what to say.”

Minnie: “Can you hear me? I really am sorry I blurted that out in the heat of the moment, I should have thought before I spoke. I’m sorry Ann.

Ann: “Alright, I can’t argue with you anymore. I’m just going to say it, and if you are mad at me then so be it, because I’m not so very happy with you.”

Minnie: “Ann? Can you hear me?”

Static.

Lost Connection.