Sasha

Light scattered.

It calls for us.

Sound of sadness.

Vanished in that place"

He put his pencil down and closed his eyes tightly. The words stormed inside of his head "Use me! Use me" that sounds of the flying words. How could one write a song with so many words? Emotions cried out "what about me?" Yes, emotions are critical for writing great songs. Song without real and sincere emotions is just a lie, a fraud. Songs should be left in deep core, making the heart, mind; bone and even gut go crazy.

Jay hit his forehead on the table and a deep "AH" came out from his mouth. 

"Any ideas buddy?" Sasha tabbed on his head. 

"No" Sasha felt that blue on Jay's voice.

"Hey, do not get so irritated buddy. You will make a great song. As always" Sasha pulled a chair and sat in front of Jay. He did not reply to her comment. She bit her lip and stared at Jay. 

"Let's go to get some fresh air" she gripped Jay's shoulder and pulled him out from his blue.

Jay the teenage boy who dreamt to be a famous singer. He was talented with his voice that apparently he got it from his mother. His voice was like a drug. If some one heard it once, they just keep listening over and over until they went numb. "A singing angle" his best friend Sasha named him. Not just a voice he was gifted. Every girl would stare at him when he walked on streets and in school. Fair skin, black short hair with bangs that looked like Korean guys and indigoes eyes.  

 He always surrounded by his "fan girls" in lunchtime. They loved to take pictures with him. Sometimes Sasha got annoyed by all that fuss. Three months ago, they were heading home, a woman stopped them, and she asked for a picture. Sasha was pissed off, but Jay gave a green light to the woman. 

"You can not just take photos with strangers" Sasha scold him.

"Why?" Jay asked 

"What if they used it in unappreciated way? Like you know adult stuff" she looked away. Jay smiled with corner of his mouth.

"I'm not doing nude."

"There is something called Photoshop these days. Did not you hear of it?" Sasha put her hand on her hips

Jay put his both hands on her both arms and leaned forward

"Are you jealous?" his eyes sparkled.

"No…IDITIOT!" Sasha yelled and her head was puffing a hot steam. 

Public Park

Jay was sitting on the bench. His head was still blowing with words. He decided to make an audition and walk his way to his dream. For that big step, he wanted to write a fabulous song. A song that would blow the mind of everyone. He was singing other singers songs so far and never tried to write his own song. For this big step, he wanted to make his first song and take it to his first step to his dream. However, he could not came up with a great song yet. And that made him wants to hit some one with a bat. 

"Here" Sasha handed him a cup, he took it and went silent.

"You know you shouldn't rush things. Just relax " she tabbed on his shoulder. 

"You don't get it" Jay spit some coffee. Sasha crossed her eyebrow.

"What I don't get it? Jay" she snarled.

Jay blow heavy air. "You wouldn't understand. You are not seeking a dream like mine." He leaned back and closed his eyes.

Sasha clenched her teeth and went silent.

The air was gentle. Not too hot nor too cold. A breeze came to shake some leaves on the tree near by and made pleasant sounds. Music of nature can't be compared to any human made music. Soft and sweet. It offers peace into heart and lead it to its origin. And all of that with just single touch, move and sound.

"Hey, why don't you try to listen to different kind of song?" Sasha's eyes lightened. 

"What?" Jay widened his eyes.

"I mean you can try a country song or some chill happy …"

"I'm not an old out dated " Jay voice interrupted Sasha. She blinked her eyes.

"Look, the idea of old songs don't fit me. I'm not classic musician like you." He taunted.

Sasha played violin since she was little girl. She did not have the dream of becoming a violinist, but her parents thought it was a good idea if she had some hobbies to do instead of annoying everyone with her tricks. She was an energetic young girl. She climbed trees, fought with boys, played skateboard and did many pranks on her family and friends. Maybe she hated to attend music lessons, but she liked how her fingers touched and made the sounds on the violin. And she was good at it. Everyone liked her plays.

Her baggy cloth ,her rounded face with so many pimples on her chin, long two braid hair style that never changed, her dental braces and brown eyes didn't give an impression of a great violinist who could paly difficult music notes without any efforts. For sure, she was good at violin; however, she was not into that kind of life.

"Okay, forget about what I said" she said.

They went silent again. Jay was in storm. How could he make a great song? The words were now floating with no life on them. No that wasn't a good sign. Great songs are filled with life and passion. He didn't need theses dead words, he needed to do life kiss to them. The song should be driving the body to move and made heart bounce. 

"Why I can't make a good one?" he sighted deeply.

Sasha held her cup tight and looked down, then…

"Maybe you need some one to teach you buddy" she was amused like someone who discovered a treasure.

"Teach me? Song writing doesn't need teaching. It is a talent thing," he shouted.

"Yeah, but if you can't figure out how to write a song you should learn how to do it. Right? Like me. I don't have talent in violin but I learned and I'm good at it. So you should learn how to write too."

She explained and she could feel her heart jumping inside her rib cage. Jay smiled with the corner of his mouth and looked away.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"And who would teach me?" he said it showing his irritation.

"My uncle Frank!" she spread her arms and shouted in amusement.

"He own a record company and he wrote songs before. He even graduated from music school." She said

Jay didn't answer her. Words were too many in his mind. Floating and making fun of him. He looked at Sasha who seemed to not holding herself to his answer. Her face saying "say yes." 

He half stared at her. His memory showed him his dog, which died last year. He closed his eyes and shook his head violently. How could he think of that?

"What? Did not you like the idea?" Sasha looked worried and rubbed her sweaty hands.

"I…" he paused and looked down. What was he thinking of making his friend looked like a dog or maybe less. She was chaotic, playful and never stay still in one place, However she was a good friend. She was always kicked the asses of boys who bullied him when they were little kids. She always invited him to play when no body did. She always gave him a slice of her twinkies. How could he think of her as if she was annoying person? 

"I love the idea." He smiled.

"Great let's go then" she gripped his arm

"You mean right now?" he sounded stumbling.

"YES!" she opened her eyes widely and made sure he saw their excitement. 

Everything went so well after word. Sasha's uncle maybe had a weird attitude towards Jay, he called him "Usual" when he first saw him.

He kept circling around Jay and staring at his body, face and he looked inside his ear too. However, he accepted to teach Jay the "Art of song" as he mentioned with his plummy voice.

Jay was going crazy after that approval. He never missed his classes with uncle Frank, kept himself locked when he gets home, wrote hundred of songs which once they get to the hand of uncle Frank he tossed them in the bin after reading two lines and demanded him to wrote another one.

"You want to be usual don't come here" Uncle Frank always said this when Jay began to complain or nagging about it.

Until the day uncle Frank cried." Now boy, I want something gorgeous. Okay. All of your songs until now were good." He waved his finger "but at the level of good is not enough" Uncle Frank's finger placed on Jay's nose tip.

"We want something mind blowing. Humans …not just humans, the whole universe feel it, you know what I mean?" Uncle Frank stared directly and almost his face touched Jay's face. Jay stepped back "Ah… like …" he shrugged. 

"LOVE! Love you fool" uncle Frank cried 

"I wrote one ..and you tossed…"Jay pointed at the bin.

"NO, that one was shallow and it talked about body and something like that. You need to write about real feelings. "Uncle Frank put his hand over his chest.

"The one you could feel safe, peace, care, respect and fascinated. Not those dumps and sex appealing words. Gosh now days singers don't have any feelings. They think If they just wrote some shits about body and sex then they could call themselves singers. Or in worse way, they hire some sexy dancers to appeal those things."

Jay looked at Uncle Frank and he could relate him to some one he knows, Sasha, or the opposite, Sasha was mimicking her uncle's taste. Jay rolled his eyes and sighted.

"What was that?" uncle Frank shouted and that made Jay jumped.

"No, nothing …"Jay tried to smile. 

"You are in love?" uncle Frank eyes sat on with rainbow colors.

"No I…" Jay voice was trembling. 

"FANTASTIC!" Uncle Frank puts his hand on Jay's shoulders; he felt his shoulders were going to rip off from their joints.

"Now Boy, FEEL! WOOOO! You must feel that love in your bones. In your blood. You die for it. Then write that goddamn song. Understood?" Uncle Frank high-pitched voice ripped off Jay's ears.

"Great voice for Opera" Jay talked to himself.

"Now if I liked you next song, I will record it for you. Here in my studio."

Jay jumped and held Uncle Frank's shirt "FOR REAL!" now Jay voice was Opera voice and Uncle Frank closed his eyes tightly and put one hand to his ear.

"You real have talent in that voice. I admit that "said Uncle Frank.

"Yes, I will and another thing. I will introduce you to famous singer so you can learn from him. If he would let you learn from him. You know famous singers are pain in the ass." He smiled.

After  that announcement from Uncle Frank, Jay got more and more in his deep lock down mode. He was not hanging around with Sasha anymore, went silent in school and lunchtime he was on his notebook all of the time.

"Hey buddy relax. Uncle said any time you are ready you bring it. Take your time. Look, you did not touch your food" Sasha said and pointed to his lunch box. Jay was writing something in his notebook. Sasha knew he was not listening.

"You look so skinny and pale buddy" she put her hand over on his hand. He pulled his hand.

"I'm fine." His voice sounded annoyed.

Sasha leaned back and watched him sinking into his writing

"So what is the title of your song?" she asked 

"I didn't figured out yet" he wrote something again in his note, but not soon he shook his head and put the pen away.

"Shit! I only have one chance and I can't figured out how to write this danm thing," he taunted.

"Maybe you should fall in love you know like uncle said" Sasha said with a smile.

"Oh! Don't start you too" he rolled his whole head.

"No I mean it. Pretend you love some one. No just, think of an ideal girl you want to fall in love and write about her. It is ok if she is some imaginary girl. You just need the feeling." She leaned forward

"Don't think about her body. Just think of her character. Kind, funny or elegant or bad ass" she winked.

Jay stared at Sasha and nodded. "That is a good idea" he said and picked his pen again.

"Yeah, you can do it Buddy" Sasha clenched her fist.

"And one more thing." Sasha said in slow pace but Jay was already in his mind thinking of the imaginary girl he wants to fall in love.

"I'm going to watch this movie that I waited so long to watch. It will be on the weekend and I was thinking if you want to come with me"

No answer came from Jay. Sasha lowered her face to take a peak on his face. He stared at her.

"Seriously, you still want to watch that outdated movie. What is called something with hobbits or…" he said 

" 'little women' " she pronounced it slowly." I love that story"

"You are weird you know" Jay said and turned his eyes back to his note. 

"Will you come with me? For me" she put her hand over her chest. Jay looked at her. 

"Yeah sure, of course" he smiled. 

Time passed and still Jay was on his song-writing mission. He wrote repeatedly, he should be confident about what he is writing. The feelings must be real. The words must be alive. Yet he can't figured out how he must feel. He performed as if he was talking to his girlfriend that he adores. He was talking to himself. 

Greeting, laughing, talking, dancing and playing around with his imaginary girl.

"What I'm doing?" his bed moved up when he sat down.

"Ok, not imaginary let's think of real one. That will be good"

He thought of all women in his life that he could be fall in love. At some point, he thought of same gender but he shook his head.

His mom No, aunt Maggie No, neighbor wife Mrs. Harper maybe she was sexy but No she had a Karen style. How about his English teacher Ms. Swan, yeah but no she obviously obsessed by plastic surgeries. Lucy maybe, his classmate who always took pictures with him and she told everyone that he was her boyfriend. No, he could not let that happened. He hated her anyway. 

Then he saw one butterfly thought flying in his mind. Yes that one, he would gladly write about her. His hand begun to move, words flooded and he was jumping to his heart rhythm.

"I did it!" Jay jumped in front of Sasha when he spotted her at her locker. 

"You did" she sound shallow.

" YES! And I'm going to record my first one tomorrow" he jumped again" and guess what?" his eyes glow.

"What?" Sasha opened her locker

"I'm going to meet the king" his heart almost got out from his rib cage. 

"You mean the king the King. The singer?" she asked .

"Yeah" Jay waved his arm in the air. He was high.

"That good for you" Sasha closed her locker. 

"Wait. What is wrong? Why are you so gloomy?" Jay touched her arm

"Weekend. I waited so long in the café Jay." Her wobbly voice came from her trembling lips. Jay froze. He missed the movie. 

She wiped her almost fallen tears, Jay searched to wards that could make something up to Sasha but what his mouth spilled out, oil on fire.

"It is just stupid movie. We will go to excited one next time" 

Sasha smiled but no happy smile it was disappointment.

"Good bye Jay and good luck "she said that and left him there standing alone beside the cold metallic lockers. 

Sudio the next day

 Jay finished his recording and was talking to the star "king", who Uncle Frank invited to the studio.

"So who is the lucky one?" King said. 

"What?" Jay face become red.

"I know. I know. She most to be your heart saver" he winked 

Jay went silent.

"You know, saying 'you are my savior' to a girl from a boy is not so easy" he leaned back 

"All light 

Joy of life 

Don't vanish 

For sake of me"

King pulled a cigarette and lighted it up.

"You should treat her well boy. She seems to be heart warming girl" he smiled.

Jay was diving into his deep sea. 

"Did I lost her?" he snapped his jacket and slapped the door.

King and Uncle Frank sat still and looked to each other.

  Jay knocked the white door. His knocking almost broke the door. Blonde short hair women came out in hurry.

"Jay" she cried.

"Hello, Mrs. Show" Jay tried to catch his breath.

"I …where is Sasha?" he straightened up, put his hand on his hips and took a deep breath.

Mrs. Show didn't answer. She murmured seconds before she pull herself together

 "She was on her way to the violin lessons." She paused

"Yes how I can forget that" Jay hit his head. When he tried to hit the road again, Mrs. Show gripped his arm and with all what she had of strength "She had an accident. And …and her father called just now …she is gone Jay"

All light 

Joy of life 

Don't vanish 

I love you.